More Exercise=More Hunger=More Ass Fat

Well, not your ass fat.  My ass fat.  And really, I'm ok with the ass fat.  Baby got back.  I just want Baby to have less thigh.  Baby got back, but lean thigh.

So I have a subscription to Fitness magazine.  I like to read it in the bathroom.  I'm not ashamed.  You do it too.  The bathroom is the only place us moms can justifiably lock ourselves in a room while our children scream and pound on the door and not have CPS called on us.  Plus, you get to read.  Score.

Anyway, while in the bathroom reading, there was an article about how working out can actually cause weight gain.  So should we stop working out?  A smarty pants at Harvard says no.

"No, but it's not a panacea for weightloss either, because it does increase your appetite.  The food- exercise equation is imbalanced.  It may take an hour to burn 500 calories but only five minutes to eat them back."-Kendrin Sonneville, R.D., a researcher at the Harvard School of Public Health

Sorry fellow lazy asses-I was hoping for a get out of jail free card too. Actually, I'd still workout because I actually like it.  And I think it makes me sane.  Almost.

And then I read one thing that I've experienced over and over again.   Exercise suppresses the appetite.  Brilliant!  Burn calories and eat less.

"But later that day, your body's hunger hormones can surge, making you want to eat.  At the same time, your body's satiety hormones-the ones that signal that you're full-may decrease." -Barry Braun, Ph.D., professor of kinesiology and director of the Energy Metabolism Laboratory at the University of Massachusetts. 

So that explains the Oh-My-God-I-Need-A-Paula-Dean-Meal break down about 3 hours after a long run.  And I can't stop eating.

Their advice?

On regular workout days:

• Take a few bites of an energy bar before or during workout

On intense workout days (more than 60 mins):

• Focus on carb rich foods (not garlic bread) the meals before.  So if you're running 10 miles at 7am tomorrow morning.  Eat some whole wheat pasta with chicken and a sweet potato and your body will use it to push through the run.  
• Bring along some electrolytes along for the post 60 mins.  Gatorade or Gummy chews.  

And if I'm running 10 miles and gaining 10 lbs- I'll be one very Grumpy Jen.  And you don't want a Grumpy Jen.

Sursly.

The return of the scale

My liberation from the scale had affected someone other than myself.  Ed.  See,  he was actually interested and tracking how much he weighed.  I didn't think my feeble toss of the scale would be a big deal.  You know, other than the freedom and joy that exploded in my heart and stuff.  But turns out Ed kinda wanted it.  Oops!  He asked me if he could buy another.  I concede.

It's back.  Or, rather it's black twin.  I prefer it's black twin.  Fun loving, smooth, easy going.  Marven Gaye.  Yes, that's perfect. If you haven't picked up- I have a need to personify inanimate objects and turn them into celebrities.   It was interesting watching Ed take it out of it's package and weigh himself.   See, Ed's lost 45 lbs in the last year.  You know, because he gave up beer and stuff.  *Biting my tongue*

Anyway, I watch him through the doorway of our master bathroom step on the scale.  His profile deflates in disappointment.

"Shit!"

I smile knowingly.  Not because I'm happy he's disappointed.  But because it's familiar.  Welcome to the last 5 years of my life there buddy.  It's funny seeing a man (though I know lots of you are out there) struggle with the predominately female oh-my-god-I'm-up-4 lbs-I- must-be-a-useless-human phenomenon.  My validation and knowingness was short lived when he said:

"Oh wait.  Nevermind, I'm down.  I got the number wrong."

That NEVER happens to women.

So there it is.  My fun loving scale.  Instead of the taunting, stressed, white bitch- it's Marvin Gaye.    Let's get it on.  And so finally the other day I just said FUCK IT and got on.  I was shocked.  Not for that reason though!  No.  Guys,  I was down 1 lb from when I got on last a few months ago!!  And here I thought I was, like, at least 10 lbs heavier.  I muttered "I like you," smiled and skipped off.  I also walked away knowing that, huh, I can trust myself!  I may not lose any lbs, but I can maintain on sheer, UNdiet. That's hopeful.

Now, what would I have done if I'd been 10 lbs up?  Good question.  Not sure.  But I suppose I'd handle it the same way I've been handling things lately.  Be present, lingering in the feeling long enough to process it and move on.  Tomorrow is another day.  And the weight of today can be blown off my shoulders like the dirt on Jay Z's.

Parting with the Scale

Here she is.  She calculated 80 lbs of weight loss in 2006.  And again in 2009.  She loves documenting.  But I'm done documenting and living life according to the pounds I weigh.  

This morning she was in my bathroom just staring at me all like: 

"Come on!  You know you want to.  Just hop on.  It could be good- you could be down!  Wouldn't that make you happy?" 

 And I'm like: "Yeah, but what if I'm not.  Then I'll be depressed all day."  

And Scales like: "Nah, you'll be fine.  If you're down then you'll just move on and do better." 

And I'm like: "You always say that but I'm never fine.  I get upset.  It wrecks my day.  It's not worth it."  

Scales all "Whatever, it's just a number."  

And I say: "Exactly."

And so I had a moment where I was done.  I decided I would throw her out my bathroom window.  Right here, right now.  Yeah.  After all- it feels better tossing something out the window than carefully placing it in the trash, right?  I mean, the drama of it all makes you feel all empowered inside, no?  I am woman, here me roar!

Said window (Note roof):

Well wait.  Hold on.  I have to remove the screen.  

And, oh, wait I need both hands so I can't take a pic.

Who cares!  

And I tossed!

Aaaaaand..... it landed on the roof.

And to make matters worse- my neighbor pulls out of his driveway and looks up RIGHT as it lands on the roof.   "Yes, yes.  I'm having an Oprah moment.  Move on."

I lean out and grab the scale.  I almost tossed it again but then thought I'd end up killing my outdoor cat in my Empowered Moment.  

So I settled for Goodwill pile at the top of the stairs....

So my roar was more like a meow.  But it still counts, right?

It was surprisingly hard.  I do really well with impulse decisions.  But impulsively "tossing" her was harder than I thought.  Kinda like putting wax on your lip and getting ready to rip the hair out.  There's that moment of hesitation where you can't do it.  But then you do.  And you get those little boogers and you pretend you're a hairless wonder for 1.5 weeks.  And so I tossed her.

So I'm having a weird day. I got on the scale this morning and it said 167. That really bummed me out because I was 165 at my meeting on Monday (5 days ago). I've stayed within my point range so I'm kinda upset that I've appeared to gain. Now, granted, I never count my weight officially until weigh in- so I'm not "counting" it yet- but still bummed. The only thing I can think of is that I saved my Weekly Allowance points to "blow" on a BLT sandwich and french fries at OK Cafe. That was last night. Maybe it just hit me wrong.

Anyway, those two pounds sent me back into my old thinking. I looked the mirror and felt "fatter." Even though I'm comfortably wearing jeans that were way too tight a month ago, I seemed to look bigger. I know it's all in my head. I think I'm just having some momentary motivation loss. I haven't gone over my points, just seem to be reaching for easy foods instead of what's nutritious. I know I haven't been drinking enough water. I've had a very busy, exhausting week. Me and the kids have sinus colds, aren't sleeping well and just grumpy. So maybe that's it. I dunno. I just need to get it out on this blog. If I keep it in my head- I'm liable to get too down and then binge. And I refuse to go back to that place. One thing I'm learning is that this journey does not come without your normal stumbling blocks. It's just a matter of how you handle them. So- I want to handle this differently and talk about it -rather than pretend everything is going great- ya know? Before I probably would have said: " I need a break. I'll just eat what I want this weekend and then start back Monday." Monday would turn into Tuesday. Tuesday would blend into another week. And so on. That way doesn't work. As much as I'd rationalize it. So- it's plan A, A, A. Stick to the original plan and never give up.

I will do this!