Monday, August 30, 2010

Does multitasking making you fat?


Are you a multitasker?  Well, of course you are- you are human.  I know being a mother requires a lot of mutlitasking.  Women are natural mutlitaskers.  That's why men don't have vaginas, right?  I mean, we're pretty amazing aren't we?   We multitask all day- wiping butts, washing laundry, texting, cleaning floors, wiping noses, making dinner, facebooking, bathing babies, making babies (HA!),  pushing said babies out our poor, dear vaginas.  It's exhausting. So, damn it, I'll eat those 5 slices of pizza and have a brownie or too.  Because today was hard.

And hard is right.  I'm sure you've heard:  "I don't know how women did this motherhood thing without modern technology."  Well, yeah, I like my dishwasher too.  And I'll keep my washer and dryer.  But do TV, phones, computers, computer games make our lives easier?  Or do they make things more complicated under the guise of making things easy. How else would you know what Martha Stewart's home looks like and how you want your home to look the same if it weren't for modern technology?  Or how Giselle had washboard abs 6 weeks postpartum?  How else would you know that that high school friend has "done 5 loads of laundry, made two loaves of bread, made 6 months of baby food,  finished washing and drying cloth diapers" all by 9am?  Thank you, Facebook!  I'm a bad mom and I want a donut.

The new standard has just been raised to a new unattainable level.  And now we have to prove we can keep up.  And the funny thing is- it drives us FURTHER away from permanent weight loss.  Because when we can eat, we've probably eaten beyond full before we were really aware of eating.  We have no time to be aware.  Because our model homes with model kids and model bread machines are not going to happen if you stop to be aware.  Who can be aware when shits in diapers and dust bunnies are clinging to the paci on the floor?

But is your multiasking making you more productive?  Or do you feel like you're on a hamster wheel?  And is productivity the only definition of a successful day?  What about those rare, lazy Sundays where you lounge in your PJs all day and read?  Which days are more soul nourishing? And how does that relate to eating?

Well, if we begin eating without awareness, how do we know when we're full?  If our minds and hearts are being stretched to watch TV, eat dinner, manage fussy kids and answer texts on the phone- then how can we possibly be present?  It's like a waste of a meal.  So we take more bites, get seconds and ask for dessert because it doesn't feel like we've had a meal yet.  And for those of us who tend towards compulsive/emotional eating, food can be our only sense of comfort in a giant cluster fuck.
 "People say it's too hard to eat without distractions.  It's too hard to stop when they've had enough.  And I say awareness might be hard because it's developing a new skill but not being aware is hard, too.....eating in the car while talking on the cell phone, steering, putting on lip liner, and trying to get a hunk of hamburger in your mouth while not dripping the ketchup all over your jacket-is a bit of a challenge as well."~Geneen Roth
One of her guidelines is eating without distractions.   Distractions include radio, television, newspapers, books, intense or anxiety-producing conversations or music.

Did you catch the "anxiety-producing conversations?"  Mothers of small children:  Is this not dinner every night?  I don't know about you, but by 6pm my kids are shot and I'm ready to sell them to the highest bidder.   All three of them are  in their witching hour and sitting down to eat involves a lot emotions. It's a season.  It will pass.  But in the mean time Ed and I have to live through it.  And I can't escape through the Nutella, so I have to adapt.


So let's challenge ourselves!    Try not to multitask this week.
Eat dinner at the table with no tv, screaming kids, magazines, newspapers, phones. (eat your dinner after kid bed time if need be)

Read a good book during the baby's nap (even though you could get SO MUCH done during his nap and then be able to update your status about your mad laundry and bread making skils!)

Spend 3o whole mins doing nothing but playing with the kids.  No answering the phone, texts, email.  (And play!  None of that zombie shit)

Don't let your TV run on throughout the day.

Drink your coffee without CNN....Or worse: Fox News.

Eat lunch without distraction.

Go to the bathroom without your iPhone.

Cook your dinner without cleaning as you go.

For God's sake, drive without texting!

Put some music on and listen to it.  Not as background buzz, but listen hear it.
Do one thing at a time. If you sit down to watch your favorite show and the dryer buzzes.  Don't get up to do another load or fold.  One thing at a time.  Enjoy the moment without feeling the incessant need to multitask.  Practice the skill of awareness and presence in the small things.
When you eat, do so with "enjoyment, gusto and pleasure, " says the 7th Guideline in Roth's book.
Obviously all multitasking isn't an admission of mind numbing unawareness.  But I think practicing the skill of  awareness throughout the day will help our waistlines and psych.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Fall is in the air!

I was supposed to go out on my 4 mile run yesterday.  Instead I sent Ed out for his 4 mile run.  You see, I convinced him to run this half marathon with me on Thanksgiving Day.  But now, it's more like he's convincing me.  He's a pro at getting dressed and getting out the door quickly.  I tend to want to linger.  But here in the deep south- you either get your run in early or suffer the consequences of an over heated, torturous run.  And me?  I flaked.  But the good news was that today was the first day I could linger outside with the kids for a while without sweating.  And I was even wearing jeans.  This is a good thing.  This will make those training runs much more pleasant.  I want to see some orange leaves and some halloween stores popping up already.


In other news.....


 I've been christened by my Special Monthly Friend which leaves me dramatic, tired and eating this by the bucket full:


Any vehicle through which this can get into my mouth is acceptable:
  
Celery
Whole Wheat Pita
Sliced Apple
English Muffin
Oatmeal
Carrots
Crackers
Small Children's Fingers
Spoon
Walnuts
I actually used whole walnuts and dipped it in the chocolately peanut buttery heaven and put them straight into my mouth.  I felt like I was committing some nut incest by doing so. 

But it was

So

Good



I still lead an endless trail of contradictions:


This children's book is just cruel:




You can't go wrong with silver flats:


It's hard being a girl with a black leotard:




Thursday, August 26, 2010

Tooth Fairy is in Town

What's the going rate?  I need to know if I gotta go to the ATM.



Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

The return of the scale

My liberation from the scale had affected someone other than myself.  Ed.  See,  he was actually interested and tracking how much he weighed.  I didn't think my feeble toss of the scale would be a big deal.  You know, other than the freedom and joy that exploded in my heart and stuff.  But turns out Ed kinda wanted it.  Oops!  He asked me if he could buy another.  I concede.

It's back.  Or, rather it's black twin.  I prefer it's black twin.  Fun loving, smooth, easy going.  Marven Gaye.  Yes, that's perfect. If you haven't picked up- I have a need to personify inanimate objects and turn them into celebrities.   It was interesting watching Ed take it out of it's package and weigh himself.   See, Ed's lost 45 lbs in the last year.  You know, because he gave up beer and stuff.  *Biting my tongue*

Anyway, I watch him through the doorway of our master bathroom step on the scale.  His profile deflates in disappointment.

"Shit!"

I smile knowingly.  Not because I'm happy he's disappointed.  But because it's familiar.  Welcome to the last 5 years of my life there buddy.  It's funny seeing a man (though I know lots of you are out there) struggle with the predominately female oh-my-god-I'm-up-4 lbs-I- must-be-a-useless-human phenomenon.  My validation and knowingness was short lived when he said:

"Oh wait.  Nevermind, I'm down.  I got the number wrong."

That NEVER happens to women.

So there it is.  My fun loving scale.  Instead of the taunting, stressed, white bitch- it's Marvin Gaye.    Let's get it on.  And so finally the other day I just said FUCK IT and got on.  I was shocked.  Not for that reason though!  No.  Guys,  I was down 1 lb from when I got on last a few months ago!!  And here I thought I was, like, at least 10 lbs heavier.  I muttered "I like you," smiled and skipped off.  I also walked away knowing that, huh, I can trust myself!  I may not lose any lbs, but I can maintain on sheer, UNdiet. That's hopeful.

Now, what would I have done if I'd been 10 lbs up?  Good question.  Not sure.  But I suppose I'd handle it the same way I've been handling things lately.  Be present, lingering in the feeling long enough to process it and move on.  Tomorrow is another day.  And the weight of today can be blown off my shoulders like the dirt on Jay Z's.

Monday, August 23, 2010

Easy Like Sunday Morning

Sunday morning I woke up with the kids since it was Ed's sleep in day.  After getting everyone settled for breakfast, I made myself a soy latte (WTF? Where's the mocha you ask?  More on that later).  We eased into Sunday morning pajama wearing, book reading, syrup smelling, scrabble playing wonderland set to the soundtrack of Tom and Jerry and Shepherd's request of "ga ga's" (food) even though he ate 2 bowl's of oatmeal, 1 peach and a soy milk.  The spell broke around 9 when Ed came downstairs, poured his coffee, sat on the couch and called me a pussy.   As he should and is expected too.  You see,  I we're training for a half marathon together and I needed to log my 5 miles.   But I was hoping he forgot.  (Yes, Ed and I are running a half marathon together on Thanksgiving Day).

And so I manned up, got my running clothes on and headed to my favorite 5 mile route downtown.  It sucked.  Really sucked.  You know how runs do that sometimes?  Blech.  I declared it a Wog since I lingered between a walk and jog pretty much the whole time.  But one cool thing I saw was an albino squirrel.  Isn't that like a 4 leaf clover?  Lucky, no?  Eh.  Anyway, itt's way hot here in Atlanta and unless you get up at the crack of dawn- it's down right dangerous to run in this heat.  Plus, I was sick last week and I don't think I quite recovered.  But I got the miles in!  So I'll stop whining.

But the FUN part of yesterday was last night Ed and I went on our once-a-week-date-night-god-please-let-us-feel-like-people-without-children-for-2-hours.  We went to Barnes&Nobles and piddled around here and there, binging on Us Weekly magazine browsing the reputable news, health, and fitness magazines.  I wondered into my old habitat of DIET BOOKS for fun.  No, really.  For fun.  I took note of the crazy amounts of diets that are out there.  Like the "thousand books of scripture" that I wrote about last week.  I let a guffaw come out of my lips as I sat down and took it in.  Dear God we need help.  And as I sat there smiling and saying the titles of the books out loud to myself, I finally just relaxed.  I wasn't looking into the rows of eye catching book covers for a promise of life change and redemption.  I saw them for what they were.  Books.  And I walked away.

Then my man and I headed to Spoon.  Spoon is a Thai restaurant in East Atlanta.  And Scout Mob had a sweet deal of 50% off your dinner there.  We indulged in wine, basil rolls and Vegan Pad Thai - all for $25!!!



It was a good Sunday.

Winner of My Bling Giveaway...

Random generator number: 4 ~  Jen at Girl Heros!

Jen, send me your addy and I'll package your goodies.

You got my email.  :)

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Back on the Track Wagon


"When you are deluded and full of doubt, even a thousand books of  scripture are not enough.  When you have realized, even one word is too  much." -Fen Yang

I love that quote.  You can interchange "books of scripture" for diets.  And it all makes so much sense.

I've been a Scandalous Diet Quitter for 2 months now. Thus far it's been a very freeing and introspective experience.    I've learned a lot about everything, all based on what, when and how I eat.  It's really amazing what kinds of doors you open when you decide to feel life.  Feeling life means that you don't have to taste it all the time.

I've told you of my nagging temptation to diet again.  The need to crash diet and just lose a quick 10 lbs.  And now that I've been on the "other side" for a few months, any structure or limitations threaten me.  Like: To Diet Is To Be Enslaved.  But what about balance?  What happens when you want to eat cheese dip and chips ALL THE TIME.  And you know that it's not good for you.  For one, you bloat up like piglet.  Then feel physically bad.  Then have to take a post cheese dip nap.  And what happens when all of your fall jeans are too snug.  Uncomfortably snug.  And no matter how many squats and lunges you do while in the jeans- they do not stretch.  Then what?  Those are expensive jeans!  And I'm not buying new clothes.    Then what???

And so enter the next phase of Scandalous Dieting.  Formulating a diet.  WTF?!  I know, right?  I'm thanking Elizabeth, at Jogger's Life , who wrote a post that got me thinking about some things I've had lingering around in my head.  What if I feel life and have a plan?  Could it work?  Can I be on a "diet" (I use that word loosely) and still trust myself and love myself?  Maybe.

And so I'm thinking.  I'm an impulsive present sucker.  WTH is that you ask?  I love moments. So anything that feels right in that moment IS right and will always be right according to me in that moment.   And I wonder why I struggle with compulsive eating.  The ability to be fully in the moment is a beautiful part of my personality, but needs fine tuning.  Thought process, for example, would be a great addition to that quality.  But, wait Process annoys me.  It requires slow growth and patience.  I get so damn tired of waiting for patience that I could go mad.  But it's a part and pace of life I'm learning to move with.

Going back to the quote above- if I'm deluded and full of doubt- nothing will be enough.  But I'm no longer deluded and full of doubt (well, maybe sometimes, but that's generally related to Fox news).  I've "realized."  With that I feel inclined to get back on the Hot Pink Bicycle of tracking my food ever so sightly.  I'll have a cute little horn called Awareness to beep at unloving thoughts and a basket called Life that stores all the right things.  And hot pink streamers just...because.  I know, I know, Cheese Fest 2010.  But I've got a strange make up of smart ass and sentimental running through my DNA.  Doesn't seem to go together, but here I am.  So......

Monday, August 16, 2010

Losing 80 lbs: A Look Back


I was a shy, passive, quite kid....


And unicorns also flew out of my butt with sparkle trails. Ha!   I was an entertainer (shocker).  As a kid I was always doing something.  Coming up with businesses (nail polish painted oysters shells don't sell well), congregating the neighborhood kids for some fabulous new production involving rocks and string,  stealing my parent's video camera to film hours of my own reality TV show featuring Jem and the Holograms tracked to Hangin' Tough.  I cut my own hair.  Often.  I played charades every single friday night for my Grandmother and her friends.  For those of you who know me, this makes perfect sense. 

I get my creativity and humor from my Mom and Dad.  I love them both.  One picture I'll always remember that was framed in our house was a picture of them cross dressing for a Halloween party.  Did I mention this was framed and displayed in my house growing up?  My dad looked a little too comfortable in the nurse's uniform dress and lipstick....   And I swear, my Grandparents have the same cross dressing picture in their house of them.  True Story.



Anyway- you can blackmail my dad here at his blog.  He's got a much bigger following, with way more at risk.  Have fun!

Where am I going with all this?   Well, lately I've been thinking about me.  Selfish, I know.  Looking back through childhood pics.  Where did I come from?  What was I thinking at that time?  What did I believe about myself?   Can I trace my life now back to where it all started?  Like a row of ants that press on for the promise of food.  And will it lead me anywhere?  Can I look back on my life with curiosity instead of judgment?  Can I see the bits and pieces of foundation laying that resulted in Me.  And how would that make me feel?  

And you ask: What does this have to do with food and fitness Jen?  You're losing us.

Won't be the first time. 

But, I'll tell ya.  Because our struggle with food is an outward symptom of our struggle with ourselves.  Somewhere along the path of our childhood and thereafter- we stopped trusting ourselves.  Because if you loved and trusted yourself, you would not be overweight or underweight.  Read that last sentence again.  And that applies to you successful dieters as well!   I don't care if you're 115 lbs or 300lbs.  (Though I don't think anyone should weight 115 lbs)  In 2006 I weighed 220 lbs.  I went on weight watchers and reached my goal of 140 lbs within a year.  I was a Fucking Size 4!!!!!  I was There.  I was skinny.  And you know what?  The battle still raged on in my head and heart.  Then it became "another 10 lbs" THEN I'll be at goal.  Or another race to enter.  Or a new house to buy.  Or "I'll work on my marriage later."  Or "It's okay that I just spent $300 at Target, when I went in for laundry detergent."  You see, once I developed the discipline to control food- it transferred.  Sure I was skinny, but I literally had to eat, breath, drink Weight Watcher Points.  Plan my points, eat my points, stay under my points, blog about my points. 

I remember my best friend calling me to see if I could come get a drink with her somewhere to talk and see each other because it had been a while.  It was a Sunday night.  My Flex Points where out and did not renew until Monday. And I kid you not, I reasoned with myself that if I stayed out until midnight, then it would be Monday and I could then have a drink. But then bootcamp was the next day so I just ended up telling her "No."  It hurt her feelings, as she would tell me weeks later.  And she was a little concerned about my obsession with points.   My life was filled with points because I really believed this was the way to love and freedom.  And I got a lot of attention for it!  People were inspired.  People were interested in me.  People loved me!  But, did I love me?

My religion made me feel  better about myself.  It made me change and mold to something that looked like I could love.  Maybe.  And to leave it felt like I was going to gain 80 lbs back in one night and I've be a failure.  And then the guilt.  Oh the guilt.  It's sort of like have a tornado moving in circles all around you.  And if you choose your steps carefully you can avoid it.  But if you make any mistake, it sucks you in.  And trying to get out is next to impossible. 

And so I look back now- where I linger in the 140s (I think- I threw out my scale) and a size 6-8 instead of a 4.  And I have to remind myself that the size 4 holds nothing over the freedom and joy that I've found.  And even on bad days when i'm not feeling quite joyful or free- it's still better.  The love I've discovered for myself feels scandalous and exhilarating.  The grace I've chased for years through friendships, food, spending, distraction is all right here, wrapped up in my heart.  And I can access any time I want.  I have to embrace the fact that my thighs may never change.  I may never see the 130's again.  And I won't lie- that scares me.  But it's a lot easier to breath on this side of "goal."  







Sunday, August 15, 2010

Mama Rocks Giveaway: Bedazzle Yo Self!

So I have a very talented friend named Katherine Smith that makes jewelry. She thrives at local festivals here in Atlanta and is featured in The Beehive Coop.  You can also find her Esty page here. Her stuff is unique and eclectic and elegant and fun to wear.  And she's put together two pieces just for you! One set of earrings for anytime wear and a fun evening pair.  So, technically that's 4 pieces.  But still.  And you want to know another cool thing about Katherine?  She's an Operation Bootcamp instructor.  So she's down with torture.  Plus she's a dear friend to me and I lurv her.

So, to enter:

1) Leave a comment saying how amazing I am and how I remind you of Gwyneth Paltrow and stuff. 

2) Tweet or Facebook:  @Mama__Rocks Giveaway http://tinyurl.com/3x34x3d

Easy, right?

I'll leave it open for a week and randomly draw a name from the comment list on Monday August 16th.  So get crackin and tell your friends!

Here's the booty:

14 K gold fill earrings for day and night.  

Day: 10K of Labradorite




Night: Matte gold circles with quartz crystal




Speaking of giveaways....You know my love of mochas?  Yeah that lil old thing I never talk about, but sometimes always talk about?  Well Elizabeth at Jogger's Life is giving away a Starbucks gift card.  Hurry- go enter so you can support your caffeine addiction!  :)

More giveaways to come..... every month so come check back in!

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Ginger Glazed Mahi Mahi & Simple Greens

I get easily intimidated by fish. First of all they're sea creatures- or lake creatures- it doesn't matter- they can be tricky. I've had my fair share of encounters with some very WRONG fish.  One time my sister and I were sea kayaking just off shore in the Atlantic.  A wave came up full of fish (I insisted they were tuna) and broke on us- while fish smacked us in the faces.  I got so spooked that I aborted the mission, jumped ship and swam to shore.  I've seen Shark Week too much.  Plus, I can be a little dramatic sometimes.

So I'm stretching myself in trying new fish recipes and getting fish on the dinner table more often than not. But the benefits outweigh the potential ick factor so I press on. And I'm glad I did because I found a fab recipe! I can pretend I came up with it, but that would be lying. (Thank you allrecipes.com) However, the Simple Greens I did wing and it came out good!

Glazed Mahi Mahi

( I have no picture- for I devoured it before I thought of it!)

I bought Trader Joe's frozen Mahi Mahi filets and thawed them

3 tablespoons honey
3 tablespoons soy sauce
3 tablespoons balsamic vinegar
1 teaspoon grated fresh ginger root
1 clove garlic, crushed or to taste
2 teaspoons olive oil
4 (6 ounce) mahi mahi fillets
salt and pepper to taste
1 tablespoon vegetable oil

Directions:

In a shallow glass dish, stir together the honey, soy sauce, balsamic vinegar, ginger, garlic and olive oil. Season fish fillets with salt and pepper, and place them into the dish. If the fillets have skin on them, place them skin side down. Cover, and refrigerate for 20 minutes to marinate.
Heat vegetable oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat. Remove fish from the dish, and reserve marinade. Fry fish for 4 to 6 minutes on each side, turning only once, until fish flakes easily with a fork. Remove fillets to a serving platter and keep warm.
Pour reserved marinade into the skillet, and heat over medium heat until the mixture reduces to a glaze consistently. Spoon glaze over fish, and serve immediately.


Simple Greens

1 bag of Trader Joe's mixed greens (mustard, turnip, collards, spinach)
1 container of Trader Joe's stir fry veggies (or your own medley)
1.5 cups chicken broth
1 onion, diced
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 tbsp olive oil
2 tbsp butter (call me Paula Dean)
2 tbsp apple cider vinegar
Salt and pepper to taste



Sauté onion, garlic and olive oil. 


Maybe add a tablespoon of butter or 4.  Whose counting?


Add stir fry veggies and broth.


 Bring to a boil and add the rest.


 Cook down for about 15 mins. Serve over brown rice or couscous. Eat with hot sauce (unless you're a Pansy, then just plain)


Pug patiently waiting for droplets from the only one who will feed her.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Church and Science

The Gordons have sorta revamped our life a lot lately.  Ed and I have been on our own little spiritual quest of falling back to the simple things.  Looking deeper into marriage, friendships, life, finances, God, family. De-cluttering the junk drawer of a life we've had in years past. It's been quite a journey.  Really scary at times, but mostly really rewarding.  When you strip things down to the bare bones, you have nothing to lose.  And it's quite freeing to have nothing to lose.  There is no other freedom like it.  It's a place where questions lead to questions and answers yield to disappointment.  Does that make sense?  I hadn't realized how peaceful it is to have questions unanswered than to know it all.

And so this Sunday our place of worship was The Atlanta Botanical Gardens.  Really where else can you see the face of God than in nature?  We're also homeschooling Fischer this year and Sunday was Science Day as well.  We ran, sweat our asses off, studied bugs, tricked venus fly traps into thinking a leaf was a delicious bug, saw bull frog tadpoles sprouting legs, walked through a water fall, touched butterflies, cried when we didn't get our way, stood patiently while each and everyone of us saw the little yellow frog in the aquarium that was a big hit, drank water, studied honey bees, jumped in fountains (even though we brought no change of clothes, bathing suits or towels), climbed trees, and asked some really great questions.  It was a blessed event!  So much so that I actually resisted the urge to pull the iPhone out and take a picture of every single moment.  Letting my soul capture it fully instead.

But I did manage to snap out of presence to get a few: 













 

Monday, August 09, 2010

Losing My Religion

It's an odd thing to not diet after 5 years of "successful" dieting. And every once in a while I have this thrill flare through me at the prospect of going on some "cleanse" or some extreme diet for a week. I remember back in February I totally did Atkins for 2 weeks. I laugh out loud at that because Atkins is so fucking ridiculous. I lost 10 lbs. But the idea of having something, anything, limitless was a relief for me. Nevermind that I was bloated up like a puffer fish and didn't poop for 3 weeks- I WAS LOSING WEIGHT!! It was fabulous.

And so lately I've been tempted to diet.

Maybe just limit portion control.

Or maybe count calories.

Or maybe eliminate carbs. Carbs are such bitches anyway, right?

Or.......maybe Im just not happy with my "natural weight." In my opinion my natural weight leaves a little to be desired in the back of my thighs. Sometimes I catch myself staring at my thighs at the dinner table- completely unaware of how ridiculous it is. Like, full on leaning over and getting a full glimpse. (I just stopped while writing to look at my thighs)

But that's how It happens, right? We hit a good stride of contentment and then out of nowhere we're Overweight, Unhappy, Unsatisfied, and Back. Back to Here. And you know where Here is. Where you're not enough. Where happiness is found only in size 29 Seven For All Mankind jeans and spanx-less fitted tops. Where tabloid shots of celebrities are the control model. With their "body after baby" bodies that run like projectors in front of images of your kids, simple sweetness, present life.

Where "me time" becomes more important than ever because you're looking for Me again. Where the hell did she just go?? Because you can't find Me in the images in your head. You're back to where you're still not enough.

I'm pretty sure I weigh the exact same as I did when I quit dieting.  Which is great.  But I haven't lost. And I guess you could say I'm lingering in Not Enough.  Just a little bit.  But trudging through and going back to Me.  I guess this is how it works.  3 steps forward, 2 steps back.

I went back to my very first post on this blog.  And it occurred to me while reading through the chronicles of weight loss that I did have a good mindset.  I remember basically behaving like I was a size 6.  I lived life like I was already at goal.  I *knew* I'd reach it.  And it was healthy at that point in time.  And somewhere I got lost.  Counting points now doesn't mean the same thing as counting points then did.  And hell, I'd be happy to count points again if I could get back to that place.  Of hopefulness, patience, beauty, love, life.  I was positive.  I was content in the plan.  I trusted the plan.

Do I make sense?

I'm going to the pool now with my kids and Ed.  I'm putting on a bikini because it's all I own.  One pieces were burned after the tummy tuck.  Here's to my thighs!

*clink*

Sunday, August 08, 2010

Summerizations 3: And then there was life!

We've been doing a whole lot of living this summer.  I've been saying Yes a lot more than No lately.  To my kids, to my self, to life.  

Here are some snippets.

My firstborn freaking me the hell out with my Dad's snake.  

It gives me the heebie jeebies just typing it. 

 

Waking up to Shepherd crawling in my bed. 


Millie received her first black eye as a result of a chair hitting her straight on her nose.  But, you see, the game she was playing before the chair fell over was SO MUCH FUN!

My kids at my aunt's house watching a VHS of Jungle Book.  Who has a VCR anymore?  
Aunt Christie.


Sharing icecream with my husband after 2 glasses of wine and a really great conversation.
(He was peeing when I took this shot)


Breakfast out:


Guitar playing and sword fighting


Drinking my margarita straight out of the pitcher...
While my son watches, no less.  
It was a prop people, relax. 


Playing rock band with my brother.
Over enthusiasm is a trait I stand alone in in our family.

Taking shots with my Dad and sister. What they didn't know was that I only took one.  Filled the rest up with water.  I'm smart like that.  They're not.  But I love them. 

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