Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Back on the Track Wagon

"When you are deluded and full of doubt, even a thousand books of  scripture are not enough.  When you have realized, even one word is too  much." -Fen Yang

I love that quote.  You can interchange "books of scripture" for diets.  And it all makes so much sense.

I've been a Scandalous Diet Quitter for 2 months now. Thus far it's been a very freeing and introspective experience.    I've learned a lot about everything, all based on what, when and how I eat.  It's really amazing what kinds of doors you open when you decide to feel life.  Feeling life means that you don't have to taste it all the time.

I've told you of my nagging temptation to diet again.  The need to crash diet and just lose a quick 10 lbs.  And now that I've been on the "other side" for a few months, any structure or limitations threaten me.  Like: To Diet Is To Be Enslaved.  But what about balance?  What happens when you want to eat cheese dip and chips ALL THE TIME.  And you know that it's not good for you.  For one, you bloat up like piglet.  Then feel physically bad.  Then have to take a post cheese dip nap.  And what happens when all of your fall jeans are too snug.  Uncomfortably snug.  And no matter how many squats and lunges you do while in the jeans- they do not stretch.  Then what?  Those are expensive jeans!  And I'm not buying new clothes.    Then what???

And so enter the next phase of Scandalous Dieting.  Formulating a diet.  WTF?!  I know, right?  I'm thanking Elizabeth, at Jogger's Life , who wrote a post that got me thinking about some things I've had lingering around in my head.  What if I feel life and have a plan?  Could it work?  Can I be on a "diet" (I use that word loosely) and still trust myself and love myself?  Maybe.

And so I'm thinking.  I'm an impulsive present sucker.  WTH is that you ask?  I love moments. So anything that feels right in that moment IS right and will always be right according to me in that moment.   And I wonder why I struggle with compulsive eating.  The ability to be fully in the moment is a beautiful part of my personality, but needs fine tuning.  Thought process, for example, would be a great addition to that quality.  But, wait Process annoys me.  It requires slow growth and patience.  I get so damn tired of waiting for patience that I could go mad.  But it's a part and pace of life I'm learning to move with.

Going back to the quote above- if I'm deluded and full of doubt- nothing will be enough.  But I'm no longer deluded and full of doubt (well, maybe sometimes, but that's generally related to Fox news).  I've "realized."  With that I feel inclined to get back on the Hot Pink Bicycle of tracking my food ever so sightly.  I'll have a cute little horn called Awareness to beep at unloving thoughts and a basket called Life that stores all the right things.  And hot pink streamers just...because.  I know, I know, Cheese Fest 2010.  But I've got a strange make up of smart ass and sentimental running through my DNA.  Doesn't seem to go together, but here I am.  So......


Jennifer Hartley said...

Hi! R u on facebook?

Elisabeth @ said...

I am a VERY "in the now" person. I live for right this very moment, and I often don't think about the consequences. SO...the enormous fudge brownie sundae tastes really good right NOW, but in 2 hours, I'll be feeling like I'm within an inch of my life.

It's impulsive, and it really does help to stop and think sometimes about how the decision is going to impact the grand scheme.

I feel like we've come to the same's sort of like coming full-circle. I'm not coming from a place of mistrust of myself--it's more of just a need to hit the reset button and get back the things that I lost along the way.

Jen Gordon said...

Jennifer- No. I quite FB a year ago. I only have room for one other mind sucking social networking outlet- Twitter. :)

Elizabeth- Yes, yes. And yes.

Kerri O said...

I was encouraged that at least maybe I'll be able to maintain 'intuitively' when I get to my happy weight?! Or something like that. In the meantime, it's track wagon for me too.

Jenn said...

We have similar DNA. I just as much a smart ass as I am sentimental sap. said...

Wow. You and I could talk for hours about weight watchers. (in response to this and the previous post). I am doing a modified/ more sane version that keeps me on track without obsessing that I'll blog about soon. Be well!

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