My liberation from the scale had affected someone other than myself. Ed. See, he was actually interested and tracking how much he weighed. I didn't think my feeble toss of the scale would be a big deal. You know, other than the freedom and joy that exploded in my heart and stuff. But turns out Ed kinda wanted it. Oops! He asked me if he could buy another. I concede.
It's back. Or, rather it's black twin. I prefer it's black twin. Fun loving, smooth, easy going. Marven Gaye. Yes, that's perfect. If you haven't picked up- I have a need to personify inanimate objects and turn them into celebrities. It was interesting watching Ed take it out of it's package and weigh himself. See, Ed's lost 45 lbs in the last year. You know, because he gave up beer and stuff. *Biting my tongue*
Anyway, I watch him through the doorway of our master bathroom step on the scale. His profile deflates in disappointment.
I smile knowingly. Not because I'm happy he's disappointed. But because it's familiar. Welcome to the last 5 years of my life there buddy. It's funny seeing a man (though I know lots of you are out there) struggle with the predominately female oh-my-god-I'm-up-4 lbs-I- must-be-a-useless-human phenomenon. My validation and knowingness was short lived when he said:
"Oh wait. Nevermind, I'm down. I got the number wrong."
That NEVER happens to women.
So there it is. My fun loving scale. Instead of the taunting, stressed, white bitch- it's Marvin Gaye. Let's get it on. And so finally the other day I just said FUCK IT and got on. I was shocked. Not for that reason though! No. Guys, I was down 1 lb from when I got on last a few months ago!! And here I thought I was, like, at least 10 lbs heavier. I muttered "I like you," smiled and skipped off. I also walked away knowing that, huh, I can trust myself! I may not lose any lbs, but I can maintain on sheer, UNdiet. That's hopeful.
Now, what would I have done if I'd been 10 lbs up? Good question. Not sure. But I suppose I'd handle it the same way I've been handling things lately. Be present, lingering in the feeling long enough to process it and move on. Tomorrow is another day. And the weight of today can be blown off my shoulders like the dirt on Jay Z's.
1 hour ago