Phew! It's been busy here lately. Having two kids has definitely put a dent in my internet time. :) By the time I get them off to bed- I'm so exhausted I don't want to think or write.

I've spent the last few days trying to reflect and find that part of me that knows I can do this. It's hard being a yo yo dieter. You've tried everything, sometimes twice, three times over. So embarking on a new journey feels silly and even foolish. "There she goes again, doing a different diet every week." But what I've realized is that someone who has stuggled with weight problems and then conquered it rarely did it on the first try. It was probably a result of years of struggling and then BING! That magic x factor clicked and it worked and stuck. I feel like I've got that x factor right now. It's almost like I can already see myself thin again. Like there is nothing in between the 180 lb me and the 135 lb me. That's the first time I've truly felt that way. It's incredibly simple: follow the plan and the weight will come off. It's a "one day at a time" type thing.

This week has been going well. I've had lots of meal surprises. Two nights in a row someone invited us over for dinner. I felt myself panic each time. I was scared that would be all it took to sabotage my plan. In the past I would have said: "screw it- I'm gonna chow!" But this time I was able to limit portions and stay OP (on program) while still enjoying dinner out. I found myself trying to not focus on my meal- but on the people. To really have a good conversation and not be buried in my food. On a practical note- I asked the person what we were gonna have ahead of time. So I was able to look up the points before hand and made sure to note the portion and stick to it. I even had a glass of wine to go along! :) I love that about Weight Watchers. You can plan your day in such a way that you can really indulge without blowing it. So far this week I've only used 2 Flex Points. I'm proud of that. That was my goal for this week- to limit my flex. I'm making sure I'm getting in my fruits and veggies as well. Unlike the previous ways I've approached Weight Watchers- I'm actually thinking in terms of health- not just weight loss. That way I'm not eating a bunch of empty calories all day.

I keep remembering something my leader said last week. Everyone is always looking for the secret to weight loss. We see it on magazines, in spam email, on the news.... Thing is- there is no magic pill. It does not exist. The key is to stop making excuses and start now. Not "Monday" or after the holidays.....NOW! You don't have to go to the gym and workout everyday to be skinny. If you folllowing a healthy eating plan and just try and be active 20 mins a day- you've discovered the long, lost secret. That's it.

My second weigh in is this Monday- July 3rd. I can't wait to post my loss!!!

First weigh in at my Weight Watcher's meeting and I'm exactly 184 lbs. Which sucks because my home scale deceived me and told me I was 179 lbs. Oh well- I knew it would probably be wrong. I'm debating about throwing my scale out all together anyway. I weigh myself a couple times a day and that can't be good. Anyway, I really liked my leader. She was very motivating and charismatic. She lost 80 lbs on WW years ago and looks great. There were tons of people there (about 50 I'm guessing) and I met a couple moms there that were in my same boat. One thing a lot of women kept say though was that they never used their flex points. (For those not familiar with WW- you're aloud a certain number of points per day based on your height and weight and then any extra 35 points called "flex" that you use through out the week if you wish). The fact that so many said they didn't use their flex left me feeling kinda down- because I used every bit of my flex the last 2 weeks. It's so nice to get a craving and know you can splurge if you have your flex. I think I'll play around with them and see if I can just use half my flex points this week. I'm so motivated to get in the 170's now so it would be nice to have that extra boost in weight loss. Plus- I really do get to eat a lot.

Here's what I ate today just to give you an idea:
Breakfast:
Weight Watcher's chocolate muffin (3pts)
1 cup grapes (1)

Lunch:
Spicy Blk Bean Burger with mozzarella cheese/spinach/tomato (6.5pts)
100 cal doritos snack pack (2 pts)
Left over brussels sprouts (0 pts)
WW carrot cake (1pt)

Snack:
1 slice wasa crispbread with 1 wedge laughing cow light cheese (1pts)
8 slices turkey pepperoni (1pts)
1 cup berries (1 pts)
Tall Starbucks nonfat, no whip mocha (3.5 pts)

Dinner:
Lemon Chicken Lean Cuisine (6 pts)

Snack:
1/2 Quesadilla (1 whole wheat tortilla, 2 tbsp Guiltless Gourmet Blk Bean Dip, 1oz mozz cheese)- 5 pts
1 WW carrot cake- 1pt
100 calories cookie - 2 pts
1 no pudge brownie- 2 pts

No too shabby eh?

Well today was nice. Ed let me sleep in until 9am (when the baby woke up) and I fed her and then took my 2 yr old to Starbucks to get a mocha. Fischer gets a chocolate milk and I get a mocha- it's our little tradition. A fat free, no whip grande mocha is 4.5 pts and I'm totally willing to spend them because I LOVE mochas! We got home and got ready for church. Good sermon. It was about money and how to be good stewards of your money. But I kept feeling like it was for me in relation to food. Kris (pastor) kept saying "slow, steady, hard work pays off." I'm such an instant gratification girl that it's hard for me to stay committed to something if it doesn't have an immediate pay off. Alas! There's my problem with diets! I love them when I get that initial big loss and then I get bored and think there has to be the "next best thing" just around the corner. In the mean time I fall off the wagon and gain back the 5-7 lbs I just lost. *sigh* Anyhoo- it was just a good reminder of sticking to something and being patient. I read somwhere that it's important to "have faith in the plan." That's a revelation for me- I tend to lose faith in the plan easily. It will work if you stick to it. It's that simple.

After church we went to Willy's Mexican Grill. I tried to look up points prior (I knew we were going there after church) but couldn't find it on Dottie's site (www.dwlz.com) or any nutritional info on Willy's site. So I looked up another Mexican Grill and it averaged 15 pts for a veggie burrito. So that's what I got. Plus a diet coke, plus chips (roughly 3 pts). I let myself spend those points because I love eating out after church and that's the only time we really go out to eat. Tonight I'll make a 2-3 pt soup for dinner and a salad. Then a snack at bedtime. I spent all my flex this week already. My flex points renew Monday so I have to stay OP (on plan) today and not go over. No exercise today. It's pouring rain here and I'm tired anyway. I jogged 20 mins yesterday and my muscles are sore. I think they need rest. I'm still trying to find a Weight Watchers meeting that will work for me and baby and Ed's schedule. I have to sneak it in between feedings and Ed's work. Most of the one's near me are at 6:30pm or during the day. And I can't really see myself dragging my 2 yr old and infant to a day time meeting- so it's either 6:30pm on a week night or an 8am meeting on Saturday. I think it will be the 8am one. As much as I want to sleep in- I also want some time for myself and that meeting weekly. I guess I'm mulling over it so much because I don't want to skip around- I want to stay with the same meeting each week so I can get to know my leader get connected.

I've been on WW now for 2 weeks. According to my scale I've lost around 5 lbs. But my scale sucks and is always off. So I have no idea how much I actually weigh. This morning my scale put me right at 179 lbs. That made me happy because it's always nice to be out of one range and into the next lowest. Hello 170's! My mini goal right now is to be 175 by July 4th. It's June 25th today- so that's 10 days away. I wonder if I can.....

My goal for this next week is to try and avoid my flex points. This past week I gobbled them up quickly. It's kinda like having a savings account- it's not good to be constantly taking money out of it. I'd rather wait until the day before my flex renew and maybe use half and splurge. Besides- I'm nursing and I have 34 points a day to work with. That's a lot. In reality- I don't need the flex. I can usually do pretty well and not feel deprived if I spread my points out sensibly. My other goal is to drink 5 16oz bottles of water per day. I'm drinking easily around 4. I figure 5 would be even better and keep me hydrated and keep my true hunger in check.

It's incredibly hard for me to post a picture of myself right now. I'm 180 lbs (8 weeks post partum) and let me tell you, 180 lbs seems to look better when I look in the mirror and not so much when a picture is taken. I specifically wore a tank top so that you can see my arms. I used to have the best arms- thin, but toned. Now I avoid showing them. I want that to change. I want to be able to put clothes on and not think about my arms. Now- my post partum tummy is another story. I'm throwing around the idea of a tummy tuck as my ultimate reward for getting to my goal (130lbs). But I'm not sure if that's something I can go through with. Surgery scares me and of course it will cost ya! But regardless-I'm on this path come hell or high water. The good, the bad, and the ugly. It's all part of the journey. The weightloss started 2 months ago when I gave birth to my daughter Amelia. I was 225 lbs right before I delivered. I lost the first 25 lbs leaving the hospital. The other 20 lbs has been due to nursing and a month on Jenny Craig. I opted to do Jenny Craig because I knew they had a nursing mother's plan and I knew I didn't have to think a whole lot. I just ate was on the plan. I did well. Lost 20 lbs. But since it was 20 lbs for $20- I stopped once I lost the 20 lbs because I didn't want to pay more money to join. So Weight Watchers it is! I know in my heart it's the only plan I can really see myself on for the rest of life. Lord knows I've tried them all. Atkins, Jenny Craig (twice), The Zone, Fit For Life (food combining), The Maker's Diet, plain old calorie counting, yada, yada, yada. I definitely get points for creativitiy and diversity. Unfortunately none of them were plans I could be on forever. And- the more I think about it WW is not so much a "diet" as it is a guide. It's a lifestyle. I joined WW (Weight Watchers) the first time before I got pregnant with my first child. I loved it and lost 15 lbs (which was all I needed to lose). I was somewhere around 145lbs (size 8). After I had my son (gained 60 lbs) - I got back down to 165 lbs (size 10). I lost the pregnancy weight with a mix of things- breastfeeding, doing WWs online, and practicing some intuitive eating (only listening to your hunger cue- not paying attention to WHAT you eat). But- I know I could have lost more if I had actually stuck to WW daily.

So here I will document my journey as it happens. Part of my reason for blogging is to keep me on track. It helps to get things out and reflect. It also helps to be accountable to those that read the blog. I was so inspired by another woman who had virtually the same high weight and goals as myself. She blogged her journey (www.noonefamily.com/ww) from day one and I read every journal entry. It boosted my motivation and only confirmed that I can do this. This will be my third time joining Weight Watchers and I want it to be my last. I've decided just doing it online doesn't keep me going. So-though I've been on WW for 2 weeks now- my first weigh in will be this week. Wish me luck!