Mama Rocks

Caring for two children that are going through two different difficult and needed stages is enough to make me voluntarily pull my other big toe nail off. *sigh*

Yesterday was really rough with the kids. I don't know what it was, but someone was either peeing or crying or screaming or hurting the other one or hungry or tired or you name it. Ed and I were so irritated we both looked at each other like we weren't going to survive the day. It definitely affected my eating habits. I was fine until night (of course) and then I bascially ate a full dinner after "snacking" at the childbirth class I was attending for my continuing education doula requirements. So, basically I had peach pie, some apple slices in caramel dip, some bread with creaming, veggie spread and THEN I come home and make a sandwich and chips. It was a bad moment. But, I'm ok. I woke up and ate well today. Right now I've prepared dinner that's in the oven finishing and even prepared tomorrow night's dinner. It's a stew that is to DIE for that you let sit over night and then cook 5 hours in the oven tomorrow. *drool* I'm not particulary hungry right now. So if Ed and Fischer get home soon and are hungry, I'll just join them, but won't eat until I'm ready. I'm determined to make this a habit, despite what the clock says or what the rest of the family is doing.

I'd like to get a run in after dinner. I missed my long run on Saturday due to Aunt Flo cramps. :( But, since I found out I'm ahead of schedule by a week for the marathon training, I could let this week slide and begin today. Sometimes life deals you a break right when you need it.

Well, I'm not sure what the heck my scale is doing. Last I checked I was 140 lbs. Then today I was 142 and some change.!!? This is sotra of typical with my period, so I'm going to give myself some time to regulate. I can tell I've been retaining water like crazy. I'm so bloated and icky. My runs have been sluggish. I think when it's all said and done, I can live with teetering b/w 139 lbs and 142ish lbs. I feel good at that weight. I've always wanted to be 135 lbs. Just....because. But the more I've been thinking about it, the more I realize that 5 more lbs is not going to magically make me better. I'm healthy, I'm fit and I enjoy my body and my clothes. I think I just wanted the comfort of knowing I had 5 lbs to work with if I slipped up. If I was 135 lbs, then if I had a bad week, I'd still be under 140lbs. Does that make sense? It was a number/mind game.

Who knows? I might still reach 135 lbs. Especially with all this training, but I think it's important for me to embrace where I'm at now. I have to live in the moment with food, weight, and life. It's the only way I can really survive it all. :)

Here's my tracker:

Breakfast:
Kashi granola bar
Coffee with cream and splenda
Nectarine

Lunch:
Cup of Vegetarian Chile
1/2 avacado, sliced
1/2 tomatoe, sliced

Snack:
Mocha
Sweet potato chips

Dinner:
Stack-A-Roll (http://www.yumyum.com/recipe.htm?ID=7528)
Spaghetti Squash

I really want to make the Neimen-Marcu $250 cookie recipe tonight. But I know I'll cave if I'm not hungry enough to actually eat some. So, maybe if I get some hunger cues after running, I'll start whipping them up! I LOVE those cookies!