Being a doula teaches me so much about fitness and healthy living. I say to my clients all the time: "your body will follow your mind, be careful what you're telling yourself." This is so true for women, in general. But what's interesting is that it really impacts the image we project of ourself in our minds. Ever have days where you feel really good? You've been nurturing your body with good food and good exercise and then you step on the scale and it's not giving you the numbers you want and suddenly in a matter of minutes you feel fat and ugly? And then that projected idea of yourself some how erases any good things you've done for yourself and you follow your mind. You follow your mind down that path where small choices don't seem to matter, where you'll never succeed, where you feel like you're buried under it all and it feels like the weight of the world? And so then how can you pick yourself up and start back?
God can I relate to this.
And I think this happens to every well intentioned, well disciplined healthy liver. And I think the reason it devastates us so much is because we sort of live our lives with our flags at half mass. Because our life can't really begin until we're thin and fit, right? And so we sort of view everything threw our mind fog. No clothes really look cute because we're still at X weight. We don't take pictures with our kids because we're fat. We miss out on life because we don't accept ourself as we are. Because we think too much about the goal and what the "other side" will be like. The other side is, after all, greener- right? Right?
It's not. Sure, one demon might be slain, but 7 more will pop up in it's place. It's like they're having a big fucking party in our head- waiting to rearrange and set up camp in a new area. And destroying things left and right. So, what if we lived like we were skinny? What if we took pictures and bought clothes and felt beautiful, even though (gasp) we aren't "skinny?" What if we faked it till we maked it? I know that sounds all wrong- but it's my only real grammatical option to make my point okay? What if we just chose to raise our flags high (I know- cheese ball, but stick with me)? Because the thing is- either you can choose to be happy now WHILE losing weight (if that's your goal). Or you can be miserable and feel like you've been on a diet for 10 years with no progress. Because the attitude behind it really is the determining factor in whether you'll reach your goal. And please make it a realistic goal- no sense in beating yourself up over unrealistic expectations.
If you can relate to this at all- please go get "Women, Food, and God" by Geneen Roth. So, so insightful. I'm reading it now and she's totally rocking my world. For those of us that have so much baggage tied up in food and weight- it's like our Elizabeth Gilbert. Except cooler. And she won't braid our hair. I don't really know what that means, but it made me giggle.
Okay- that's your Friday Fraggles. I pulled that out of my ass. What if every Friday I posted something under Friday Fraggles? Did you guys watch Fraggle Rock? I miss that show...
Okay- SMOOCHES! Please love yourself. You will make it.