Sunday, June 24, 2007

Sundays get me in trouble. They're the day before my flex points renew. They are usually busy days with church, eating out, family birthday get togethers..etc. Today was no different. Let's just say I had some cake. Maybe 2 slices. And *maybe* three slices if you count the sliver of a slice I insisted on having before we left my in laws. Oh, and then after that we took the kids to Boston Market to eat dinner. I wasn't even hungry, but I still ate food. Granted, we split two plates b/w our family of four, but still.

What is up with that? How does this happen every single week? More than ever I'm fixated on food. I'm fine until lunch and thereafter. It's like I'm an addict looking for a fix. And instead of being the exception, it's become the norm. Not good. I mean, I basically maintaining my weight. I'm not gaining. But I just noticed a huge shift in mind. I went from this "zen" like state of knowing I would stay OP every day until goal and doing it sort of "Where the hell is my food bitch??!!!" LOL Boredom or stress sets in and I fill any holes with food. Why? Why am I genetically programmed to eat. Why can't I be like my naturally skinny friends who simply eat with they're hungry and stop when they're full? WHY?

I've thought about this often. I've even discussed with several counselors over the years. What "hurt" am I trying to bandage with food? And why do I believe food will fill any void? I know it won't. I can logically conclude that food will never, ever make me feel better. But, yet I still eat. *sigh*

Weigh in is tomorrow...

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