Saturday, June 09, 2007

This has got to stop! Well, here I am on the tail end of a 3 day junk food binge. (Notice how I haven't posted in the last three days) I'm so mad at myself. My mom came in town and it's like my eating habits went hay wire. I wonder if the whole "mother-daughter" relationship had anything to do with it???? The first day she was in town was easy because I wasn't feeling well and didn't feel like eating. Then came... fried shrimp, french fries, bread, cupcakes, bbq pork, baked beans, carb over load! Today alone I had 2 events: 1 picnic and 1 bbq party. I (of course) did well up until dinner. And therein lies the problem. Dinner. That's where my will power fails. Miserably fails. The sun goes down and my cravings peek.

So, I'm going to type out my weight since I've offically crept up, but been in completel denial. I got on this morning and it was 144! That's 5 lbs up from a week and a half ago! Grrrrrr..... I can't explain how mad that makes me. I've worked too hard to get fit to let it all go for freaking fried shrimp!

Alas! All hope is not lost. See, I have this best friend. And this best friend happens to be a therapist. SO I call said best friend and gripe to her about my last week and the frustration I'm feeling. She points out some key things. 1. I'm a super star when it comes to working towards some goal. If I keep my eye on the prize, I get there. On the flip side (2.) I have a hard time when I've reached a goal. I sort of fizzle out and feel unfocused. I'm a person that likes "projects." I like to pick things up, learn to do them well and then move on to the next thing. And so I think I've done this with my weight loss. Ever since I reached 139 I've been unable to really crack that weight. At least not at weigh ins. I looked back at my tracker and I've bounced around that weight since JANUARY!!!! It's June! That's 5 months of messing around and not really staying op seriously. Granted, I've not had major gains at all (well, at least up until the last week), but still.

So after my long phone call with my BFF, I get all this out and feel a little more focused. She knows all the details of the Weight Watchers plan through me, so we figured out a "custom" plan for me. My main challenges are night eating and "events." By "event" I mean any time I'm not in control of the food served. But, since I'm able to "count" on an event coming up, I need to plan. We decided that I will not use my flex points for regular old days. That means no flexies used for last minute brownie binges. Or seconds at dinner. Instead I'll save them for an unexpected event. We have a close knit group of neighbors around and there's always one night a week we end up on the porch with a bottle of wine. That's the best time to utilize my flex points. I need to get back to what makes WW so successful- the flexibilty. If I use it the way it's intended, there is plenty of room for treats. If I abuse the plan, I paint myself in a corner. It's all becoming clear why I've not lost the last 5 months!

Another thing I've decided is that I'd like go back to my original goal of 135 lbs. My leader and I changed it to 139 lbs since I was sticking to that weight. But now that we know why I was sticking to that weight..I think it's time to finish what I started. I WILL do this! I want to do this with the same determination I had a year ago when I started this blog at 184 lbs. If I go by 144 lbs, then that means I have 9 lbs to lose. I can do this. I need to do this.

So, with all this hinds sight, I'm yet again starting over. What else can I do?

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