Down 4.2lbs! Okay- so that's over 2 weeks. But still, that's a 2lb loss per week! Whooo hooooo! So I'm at 171.8. I CANNOT wait until I'm in the 160's. I *might* be able to make it by next Monday. We'll see. It's gonna feel so great. At my meeting tonight I got another 5 lbs star. I also got to share how much I've lost total - 54 lbs! It felt good to say it aloud. I'm still mega motivated and ready to be thin! This time next year I want to be a size 6.

One thing I've slacked on is exercise. I'm just so tired. I was able to do a couple yoga and pilate dvds these past few weeks, but that's it. I've slacked on getting that jogger stroller out and walking. I think the heat just bullies me back indoors. But, I know I'll always have an excuse if I let myself. So that will be my next goal: get active!

Fischer is a never ending ball of energy. Maybe I should just follow him around and do what he does. I bet I'd burn so many calories. Kids are funny like that. My baby Amelia, on the other hand, just eats, burps, spits up and poops. Oh, and she smiles all the time. But I'm sure she's not burning calories because she's kicking some serious fat rolls. I'm so blessed to have such wonderful kids. They keep me young and light up my days. They rock! If anything- they are what keeps me on plan and losing weight. I want to be healthy for them.

Finally some pics! I'm at 173 in these pics and those are my "stretchy" size 10s (they fit like all my 12s)! (They look painted on but I had to put them on and take a pic). My goal is to be in my "tight" size 10's here in a few weeks.

Life has been very busy here lately. Monday we bought a car which took all day, so I missed my weigh in. :( Tuesday I ran mad errands with both kids all day and then we had people over for dinner. Wednesday- again lots of errands and a play date. Didn't get home with kids until 7pm (with pizza in tow). Then Thursday I had mom's group at the park. Hot as hell!!! After we drank all our water and sweat it all off- we came home! PHEW. I put kids down for a nap and then went to the grocery store to get stufff for dinner (having people over again). If you're wondering who was home with my kids while I left- my husband works from home- don't call CPS. Got home- made my first pork roast (cooked 2 hours and was juicy!) and then I just sat on the couch and vegged our for a while. I feel like all my days this week have been GO GO GO. But- it does help me stay on plan easier because I'm not bored at home and eating. That's my logic anyway.

I was proud of myself this morning. I went for a piece of Pistachio Marble Pudding cake that I made last night for dessert. I said to myself "I have the flex points- I'll eat it for breakfast- it looks so good!" That's 7 points. I took it out of the container, put in on a plate, poured my coffee, then I actually thought about it. Miracle of all miracles I put that cake back!! (And ate a WW muffin and fruit). That would have never happened before with my old lifestyle. Never. So I consider that a non-scale victory (NSV)- Weight Watchers lingo.

I have a mound of laundry to do and I want to stay in today because I'm sick of driving my NEW car around. Really I'm just cheap and I don't want to fill it up with gas. But my house could use some attention and my baby girl could use her crib for a change. I'm sure she's sick of her car seat.

I think I'm going to weigh in on Saturday (even though my regular meeting is Monday). I'll just go again on Monday. I need to get in a meeting "this week" to stay focused. My weight this morning was 172.4 lbs. We'll see. My weight has a tendency to be all over the place in one day. I can't wait until I get in the 160s!

Missed my meeting Monday. We bought a car- which ended up taking all day and then Ed needed to work on a project late. So I'm going to try and squeeze in a meeting or at least a weigh-in some time this week. Maybe today...

Gotta run! Will post weight here soon....and a picture if I can ever get my husband to upload it and send it to me.

They fit! Ok- so Old Navy had a sale a month ago and there was a really cute pair of jeans (size 12) that I bought. I knew I wouldn't fit into them just yet but saved then as motivation to keep losing. Well this Thursday I randomly tried them on. They fit! And not just "I got them buttoned," but I actually wore then out and they even have a little room in the butt! Whoo hoo!!!

I got on the scale this morning and I was 173.5 lbs. This means I am 8.5 lbs away from my pre-Amelia pregnancy weight. That was one of my first goals! I'm almost there and I can hardly believe it. That will be 60 lbs down! And she's only 3 months old. My next goal is to be 155 lbs by my birthday in late October. By then surely I'll be back in my size 10's. Then I'll have to keep an eye out for Old Navy sales so I can buy some 8's as motivation. I'm sooooooo motivated. I don't think I've truly stuck with something this long without falling off the wagon a couple times and setting myself back. Right now I'm averaging a 2 lbs loss per week! I can't wait for Fall! I can't wait until all my clothes are too big for me and I HAVE to go shopping. hee hee

I HAVE to get some pics uploaded. It sucks cause my iphoto is not working. I'll get Ed to load the pics on his computer here shortly. Now all I need is the time to do it....

Feeling good....

Woohoo! Down another 2.4lbs! It was somewhat surprising because the night before weigh in I had a really stressful evening. At dinner I biggie sized all my portions to double or triple. I didn't binge on junk- just basically ate two meals. And even though they were healthy choices- it was double the calories and points. Anyway I got all down and thought: "Here I go- falling off the wagon...." But then I talked to a friend and she whipped me back into shape. She reminded me how good I look and how much I've lost since having the baby. I decided to start over (in the moment- not the next day) and luckily I'm back on track. :) I made myself journal what I ate and calculate the points. Normally I would have just skipped that and started fresh the next day. But I think it helped me to see the points written down on a quick binge. How that can affect your weightloss- even if it's not bad food. My leader said that if a person ate an extra 100 calories a day than they needed-in a year's time they' will have gained 10-15 lbs. That was eye opening. That's an orange! You can over eat on fruit and still gain! Wow.

Anyway- I weighed in at 176 exactly. That's 49 lbs gone forever! Good stinkin' bye! That's 41 lbs gone while doing WW on my own and 8 lbs gone since I joined meetings. 10 more lbs and I reach my 10% goal!

I can't wait for Fall. I'm focused on wearing a smaller sized jeans when the leaves turn gold. (How cool would it be if I were in a size 8!!!) My son and I share a birthday in late October. I'm visualizing myself thinner and celebrating my birthday with my son. I'm also looking forward to not avoiding pictures. It's funny how small things are stolen from you when your weight is an issue. You avoid pictures, you avoid buying cute clothes because you're always waiting until you "lose weight," you are constantly comparing yourself to skinny people, and it's my theory you generally live life on a level 5 instead of a 10. It's like you don't really feel like yourself because you feel "under construction" all the time. So there are lots of reasons for me to keep going. I just have to anchor myself and let each day pass and have faith in the plan.

One thing I'm noticing is getting quality sleep helps me stay on plan easier. When I'm tired and stressed- I'll reach for higher point "easy" foods right when I wake up. But if I'm well rested I tend to eat more fruit and make healthier choices.

My car is in the shop so I'm stuck at home today. I'm going to do some things around the house and take it easy. I've been in "go" mode for a couple weeks now. I need to slow down and chill. Now if only the toddler and baby will cooperate...

It's funny how your old self can creep back up when you think you've some so far. I haven't fallen off the wagon (I'm still staying under my daily point allowance) I'm just not picking the healthiest foods. I find myself reaching for 100 Calorie cookies or Weight Watcher cakes and ice cream instead of fruits or veggies. My main goal in all this is to adopt a healthy lifestyle not just substitute cookies for fat free cookies. I also haven't been motivated to do any exercise lately. Before the last 2 weeks I had been walking at least 3 times a week and doing some yoga/Pilates dvd's at night. Now I'm just so tired at night I want to veg out. But I need to remember that exercise gives me energy. I think the best time for me is either in the morning with the kids or at night without the kids. I nurse my daughter at night around 8pm and then put her to bed. Ideally that would be the best time for me to go walking (and my poor, neglected dog Annie). I know I crave exercise somewhere inside. I like the "alone" time and the good feeling it gives you. I was an athlete in high school and I loved being active and challenging myself physically. I miss that. I'd like to just be generally more active. I've been making lame excuses too. Like: "I don't feel like pulling the crap out of my trunk and putting the double jogger in there." Now how lame is that? Heck- the calories it takes to do all that is a benefit too right? lol

I think the trick with exercise and working it into your daily life is to not think of it as this big separate event you HAVE to do. If I could just be "active" for 30 mins a day I'd accomplish a healthy balance of exercise. I enjoy walking, jogging (when I work up to the shape it takes to do it!), yoga, pilates, jazzercise (cheezy- but love it!). I just need to think of it as "me time" instead of a chore. My husband plays football with a bunch of guys every Saturday morning. The man looks forward to it every week. Yet when he's done- he looks like he ran a marathon! But- because it's "his thing" -he doesn't look at it like a chore. That's the mindset I need. Well- and the fact that I'd like to do it more than once a week. It's also hard being a nursing mother. I can't really leave her more than 2 hours because she needs to nurse. (Sometimes more frequently in the evening). But, see, there I go again-making excuses.

So- here are my exercise goals:

Go walking at night- either alone, with dog, with family, whatever!
Do a yoga dvd to help relax me and energize me 3 nights a week.
Stop making excuses!!!!

On the upside- my weight keeps coming off. I was 176 lbs this morning. That's awesome! The plan really is working. I do find the "tools for living" that Weight Watchers stand by are great. My leader went over one of them: anchoring. How to pull yourself back and anchor yourself from over eating and going off track. It has really worked for me. Like if I start feeling an urge to over indulge or getting frustrated that I have to stay within a certain amount of points- I pull to my memory a picture of myself as I want to be. I visualize a pair of size 8 jeans fitting great on me by Christmas. I visualize myself being thin and active with my kids. I see myself being happy with my body. It really pulls me back into focus and keeps me on track. Sometimes I get overwhelmed by the amount of time it will take to get the weight off. Ya know- how us chubby girls will do the math and try to calculate how much weight we can lose by a certain month? Anyway- sometimes it discourages me. "6 more months of counting points!!!" But then I use time to work for me. Like- "Time flies by. See how much time has passed with Christmas?" That's how much time it will take to be a size 8." After all- time keeps on slipping into the future right? ( ha ha) So why not stay with my plan and go along with it. I'll only set myself back by getting off track. It's worth it to stick to it.

As soon as I get my stupid iphoto back up and running- I'll post a progress picture. I really have slimed down some. I've had a lot of compliments on my face and how it looks slimmer. And I'm fitting into clothes easier- so that's motivating.

Peace out!

Down another 3 lbs!!! I got my first five lb star. And I achieved my first goal- to be in the 170's by August 1st. I'm 178.6!!! Weight loss is going great. My moto has become: You can do it. You just start and keep going. That pretty much helps me stay focused. Keep going...

My leader said something interesting tonight. She said that a study within Weight Watchers said that if a participant (who attended weekly meetings and stays on program) makes it to 16 weeks- they are usually in it for the long haul. So- that's my goal. To make it to 16 weeks (without missing a meeting). 3 down, 13 to go!

Must run...

I need to update a new progress pic. Will do that soon..

Down 2.6 lbs! Had my 2nd weigh in Monday the 3rd and was happy to find out I lost. :) YES! Here's to hoping next weigh in I'll be in the 170's!! I threw out my old scale and bought a Weight Watchers scale (I know, I know). I weighed myself this morning and it said 177.8. I hope that's right because that means I'm ahead of the game. We'll see next Monday for the official weigh in. I love my meetings. The leader is great and the women there are so inspirational. Several women (and one man) just reached their goals and lost tons of weights. It just makes it feel that much more attainable, ya know? The 4th of July was scary for me- as I was nervous I'd blow it. But I didn't- I ate all my daily allowance points and all my flex points but I didn't go over! So now I just have to stay under those 34 pts a day this week and I'll see another loss. I tried on some pants today and they fit looser. That's always nice.

Mini goals for this week:
Increase fruit intake
Increase water (flush out toxins and any sodium that I'd take to the scale)
Increase activity

Long term goals:
Be in the 170's by August 1st!
Reach 10% (a total loss of 18 lbs) by August 31st!
Get back to pre-pregnancy weight (165lbs) in September
Get to my pre-pre-pregnancy weight (weight before Fischer's pregnancy- 145lbs) by my birthday -October 25th
Never quit! I'm worth it.

I'll post my loss on Monday!

Phew! It's been busy here lately. Having two kids has definitely put a dent in my internet time. :) By the time I get them off to bed- I'm so exhausted I don't want to think or write.

I've spent the last few days trying to reflect and find that part of me that knows I can do this. It's hard being a yo yo dieter. You've tried everything, sometimes twice, three times over. So embarking on a new journey feels silly and even foolish. "There she goes again, doing a different diet every week." But what I've realized is that someone who has stuggled with weight problems and then conquered it rarely did it on the first try. It was probably a result of years of struggling and then BING! That magic x factor clicked and it worked and stuck. I feel like I've got that x factor right now. It's almost like I can already see myself thin again. Like there is nothing in between the 180 lb me and the 135 lb me. That's the first time I've truly felt that way. It's incredibly simple: follow the plan and the weight will come off. It's a "one day at a time" type thing.

This week has been going well. I've had lots of meal surprises. Two nights in a row someone invited us over for dinner. I felt myself panic each time. I was scared that would be all it took to sabotage my plan. In the past I would have said: "screw it- I'm gonna chow!" But this time I was able to limit portions and stay OP (on program) while still enjoying dinner out. I found myself trying to not focus on my meal- but on the people. To really have a good conversation and not be buried in my food. On a practical note- I asked the person what we were gonna have ahead of time. So I was able to look up the points before hand and made sure to note the portion and stick to it. I even had a glass of wine to go along! :) I love that about Weight Watchers. You can plan your day in such a way that you can really indulge without blowing it. So far this week I've only used 2 Flex Points. I'm proud of that. That was my goal for this week- to limit my flex. I'm making sure I'm getting in my fruits and veggies as well. Unlike the previous ways I've approached Weight Watchers- I'm actually thinking in terms of health- not just weight loss. That way I'm not eating a bunch of empty calories all day.

I keep remembering something my leader said last week. Everyone is always looking for the secret to weight loss. We see it on magazines, in spam email, on the news.... Thing is- there is no magic pill. It does not exist. The key is to stop making excuses and start now. Not "Monday" or after the holidays.....NOW! You don't have to go to the gym and workout everyday to be skinny. If you folllowing a healthy eating plan and just try and be active 20 mins a day- you've discovered the long, lost secret. That's it.

My second weigh in is this Monday- July 3rd. I can't wait to post my loss!!!

First weigh in at my Weight Watcher's meeting and I'm exactly 184 lbs. Which sucks because my home scale deceived me and told me I was 179 lbs. Oh well- I knew it would probably be wrong. I'm debating about throwing my scale out all together anyway. I weigh myself a couple times a day and that can't be good. Anyway, I really liked my leader. She was very motivating and charismatic. She lost 80 lbs on WW years ago and looks great. There were tons of people there (about 50 I'm guessing) and I met a couple moms there that were in my same boat. One thing a lot of women kept say though was that they never used their flex points. (For those not familiar with WW- you're aloud a certain number of points per day based on your height and weight and then any extra 35 points called "flex" that you use through out the week if you wish). The fact that so many said they didn't use their flex left me feeling kinda down- because I used every bit of my flex the last 2 weeks. It's so nice to get a craving and know you can splurge if you have your flex. I think I'll play around with them and see if I can just use half my flex points this week. I'm so motivated to get in the 170's now so it would be nice to have that extra boost in weight loss. Plus- I really do get to eat a lot.

Here's what I ate today just to give you an idea:
Breakfast:
Weight Watcher's chocolate muffin (3pts)
1 cup grapes (1)

Lunch:
Spicy Blk Bean Burger with mozzarella cheese/spinach/tomato (6.5pts)
100 cal doritos snack pack (2 pts)
Left over brussels sprouts (0 pts)
WW carrot cake (1pt)

Snack:
1 slice wasa crispbread with 1 wedge laughing cow light cheese (1pts)
8 slices turkey pepperoni (1pts)
1 cup berries (1 pts)
Tall Starbucks nonfat, no whip mocha (3.5 pts)

Dinner:
Lemon Chicken Lean Cuisine (6 pts)

Snack:
1/2 Quesadilla (1 whole wheat tortilla, 2 tbsp Guiltless Gourmet Blk Bean Dip, 1oz mozz cheese)- 5 pts
1 WW carrot cake- 1pt
100 calories cookie - 2 pts
1 no pudge brownie- 2 pts

No too shabby eh?

Well today was nice. Ed let me sleep in until 9am (when the baby woke up) and I fed her and then took my 2 yr old to Starbucks to get a mocha. Fischer gets a chocolate milk and I get a mocha- it's our little tradition. A fat free, no whip grande mocha is 4.5 pts and I'm totally willing to spend them because I LOVE mochas! We got home and got ready for church. Good sermon. It was about money and how to be good stewards of your money. But I kept feeling like it was for me in relation to food. Kris (pastor) kept saying "slow, steady, hard work pays off." I'm such an instant gratification girl that it's hard for me to stay committed to something if it doesn't have an immediate pay off. Alas! There's my problem with diets! I love them when I get that initial big loss and then I get bored and think there has to be the "next best thing" just around the corner. In the mean time I fall off the wagon and gain back the 5-7 lbs I just lost. *sigh* Anyhoo- it was just a good reminder of sticking to something and being patient. I read somwhere that it's important to "have faith in the plan." That's a revelation for me- I tend to lose faith in the plan easily. It will work if you stick to it. It's that simple.

After church we went to Willy's Mexican Grill. I tried to look up points prior (I knew we were going there after church) but couldn't find it on Dottie's site (www.dwlz.com) or any nutritional info on Willy's site. So I looked up another Mexican Grill and it averaged 15 pts for a veggie burrito. So that's what I got. Plus a diet coke, plus chips (roughly 3 pts). I let myself spend those points because I love eating out after church and that's the only time we really go out to eat. Tonight I'll make a 2-3 pt soup for dinner and a salad. Then a snack at bedtime. I spent all my flex this week already. My flex points renew Monday so I have to stay OP (on plan) today and not go over. No exercise today. It's pouring rain here and I'm tired anyway. I jogged 20 mins yesterday and my muscles are sore. I think they need rest. I'm still trying to find a Weight Watchers meeting that will work for me and baby and Ed's schedule. I have to sneak it in between feedings and Ed's work. Most of the one's near me are at 6:30pm or during the day. And I can't really see myself dragging my 2 yr old and infant to a day time meeting- so it's either 6:30pm on a week night or an 8am meeting on Saturday. I think it will be the 8am one. As much as I want to sleep in- I also want some time for myself and that meeting weekly. I guess I'm mulling over it so much because I don't want to skip around- I want to stay with the same meeting each week so I can get to know my leader get connected.

I've been on WW now for 2 weeks. According to my scale I've lost around 5 lbs. But my scale sucks and is always off. So I have no idea how much I actually weigh. This morning my scale put me right at 179 lbs. That made me happy because it's always nice to be out of one range and into the next lowest. Hello 170's! My mini goal right now is to be 175 by July 4th. It's June 25th today- so that's 10 days away. I wonder if I can.....

My goal for this next week is to try and avoid my flex points. This past week I gobbled them up quickly. It's kinda like having a savings account- it's not good to be constantly taking money out of it. I'd rather wait until the day before my flex renew and maybe use half and splurge. Besides- I'm nursing and I have 34 points a day to work with. That's a lot. In reality- I don't need the flex. I can usually do pretty well and not feel deprived if I spread my points out sensibly. My other goal is to drink 5 16oz bottles of water per day. I'm drinking easily around 4. I figure 5 would be even better and keep me hydrated and keep my true hunger in check.

It's incredibly hard for me to post a picture of myself right now. I'm 180 lbs (8 weeks post partum) and let me tell you, 180 lbs seems to look better when I look in the mirror and not so much when a picture is taken. I specifically wore a tank top so that you can see my arms. I used to have the best arms- thin, but toned. Now I avoid showing them. I want that to change. I want to be able to put clothes on and not think about my arms. Now- my post partum tummy is another story. I'm throwing around the idea of a tummy tuck as my ultimate reward for getting to my goal (130lbs). But I'm not sure if that's something I can go through with. Surgery scares me and of course it will cost ya! But regardless-I'm on this path come hell or high water. The good, the bad, and the ugly. It's all part of the journey. The weightloss started 2 months ago when I gave birth to my daughter Amelia. I was 225 lbs right before I delivered. I lost the first 25 lbs leaving the hospital. The other 20 lbs has been due to nursing and a month on Jenny Craig. I opted to do Jenny Craig because I knew they had a nursing mother's plan and I knew I didn't have to think a whole lot. I just ate was on the plan. I did well. Lost 20 lbs. But since it was 20 lbs for $20- I stopped once I lost the 20 lbs because I didn't want to pay more money to join. So Weight Watchers it is! I know in my heart it's the only plan I can really see myself on for the rest of life. Lord knows I've tried them all. Atkins, Jenny Craig (twice), The Zone, Fit For Life (food combining), The Maker's Diet, plain old calorie counting, yada, yada, yada. I definitely get points for creativitiy and diversity. Unfortunately none of them were plans I could be on forever. And- the more I think about it WW is not so much a "diet" as it is a guide. It's a lifestyle. I joined WW (Weight Watchers) the first time before I got pregnant with my first child. I loved it and lost 15 lbs (which was all I needed to lose). I was somewhere around 145lbs (size 8). After I had my son (gained 60 lbs) - I got back down to 165 lbs (size 10). I lost the pregnancy weight with a mix of things- breastfeeding, doing WWs online, and practicing some intuitive eating (only listening to your hunger cue- not paying attention to WHAT you eat). But- I know I could have lost more if I had actually stuck to WW daily.

So here I will document my journey as it happens. Part of my reason for blogging is to keep me on track. It helps to get things out and reflect. It also helps to be accountable to those that read the blog. I was so inspired by another woman who had virtually the same high weight and goals as myself. She blogged her journey (www.noonefamily.com/ww) from day one and I read every journal entry. It boosted my motivation and only confirmed that I can do this. This will be my third time joining Weight Watchers and I want it to be my last. I've decided just doing it online doesn't keep me going. So-though I've been on WW for 2 weeks now- my first weigh in will be this week. Wish me luck!