Wednesday, January 16, 2008

I love days like these.......

I took Fischer to school and came back and put Amelia down for a nap (she was up all night apparently thinking it was play time). She's fast asleep and I have NOTHING to do put read and surf the web. Well, I have things to do, but I'm choosing to chill out a bit.

Last night was Knit Night at my house- though it's now turned into a bunch of mom's playing Rockband on the XBox. LOL I did well point wise. I had used my points up to eat chips, salsa and cheese dip as my dinner at our favorite restaurant Salsa. I planned on not eating anything later that night but after we played Rockband for a while I wanted a glass of wine. Then a piece of chocolate. Then I saw the ritz crackers and cheese I set out for everyone else and wanted to devour it. I ate two ritz and then a miracle happened. I stopped! I didn't put anything else into my mouth. And it's a good thing because I'm out of Flex. I probably went 8 pts over, but it could have been worse and I'm going to focus forward and not let those points ruin my week.

So, I've been sort of quiet about this, even though I've been seriously thinking about it for months now. Really, years.... Next Tuesday I have a consult to speak with a plastic surgeon about a tummy tuck. I'm not rushing into anything, but I want to at least talk to some surgeons and get a feel for what is involved. I've batted around the idea seriously since Amelia was born. But I wasn't sure if I wanted more kids. Ed and I talked it over and now we're about 85% sure we're done. But everyone who knows me knows that I could easily change my mind in two days so we'll see... Needless to say, Ed will be having a little out patient procedure of his own before I'd go under. We do not want any surprises! :)

Anyway, it's a hard decision for me because I struggle with guilt. Part of my job as a doula is to teach women about risks and unnecessary interventions in birth. And here I am putting myself at unnecessary risk for vanity's sake. But, if I'm totally honest with myself, I know that my gut and skin is on my mind every hour of the day. I've poured so much work into being healthy and fit and wearing Spanx when I want to wear a fitted shirt is just not something I want to do for the rest of my life. It's important to me to feel good. And I just don't know if I'll ever come to a point where I can embrace the chicken skin that is now my stomach. And, statistically I'm a the best candidate for the procedure. I'm at an ideal weight, I'm active and I have a good potential to see real results. In other words, I've got good muscle tone underneath the skin. Which means my tummy will actually look ripped!

So now I'll do something even more gutsy...I'm going to post pics I took in the mirror this morning of my tummy. To give you all a view of what I'm up against.

*Deep Breaths*

So there you have it! Those jeans are a size 6. You can't see the butt, but it's saggy. I'm convinced I could wear a size 4 with a tuck. But it would only be a "muffin top" if I wore one with my gut as is.

Like I said, I'm not rushing into this. I'm going to meet with several highly recommend surgeons and see how I feel about it. I've got doula clients booked through April. SO I couldn't do anything until then anyway. The recovery would be 6 weeks. And I couldn't pick my kids up for 3 weeks. That's a lot to think about.

Here's a site I've found helpful:

I'm taking a break from intense exercise today. My shoulders are killing me. Ever since my Monday Heat class where we did a massive amount of push ups, I've been sore. So I may go on a walk, but that's it.


Anonymous said...

yea for you. It doesn't look as bad as you think-but I say go for it- you deserve it.

candace smartt said...

Just looks like you've had a couple of babies!
Surgery is a hard sell for me - not because I have something against elective surgery...but because I don't think many people take into consideration the risks. I say go for it - as long as you know in detail what the risks are...AND have weighed those risks against having the chicken skin for the rest of your life.
If I could go back, I would tell my mom to just live with that aching in her knee. (I know that's not realistic - we have to live life...and who knew a simple elective surgery would end in death?) I would rather her be alive and take pain meds the rest of her life than be dead. I'm probably not the best person to talk to about this.....wait - you didn't ask for my advice....I just gave it. On that note, I'll shut up.

Jen Gordon said...

I hear ya Candace. I've researched blood clots in relation to surgery. That's the biggest risk. That and infection. And that is a scary reality for me.

So, you're right. I have to weigh the risks and benefits. One thing is that I have odds on my side because I'm active. If I weren't, those risks would be higher.

Lots to consider obviously....

My plan is to go to my consult and get the plastic surgeon to talk me out of it. :)

Amanda said...

Hi Jen,

I've followed your blog for as long as I can remember but have never commented. I used to post on WW CAM board a long time ago but have since quit due to change in work situations. I wasn't a "known" person on there (my screen name was Coder2000 and I have a DS that is named Xander--his name was in my siggy) but that's how I found your blog. Anyway....

I wanted to say thank you for the courage to post these belly shots! I think you look AMAZING and you've done a fantastic job with your weight loss. I am currently pregnant with my 2nd child and even though I'm not trying to lose weight, I love hearing about successes other people have. You truly are a success! And you inspire me! I know you don't know me from Adam but I do enjoy your blog. My belly (pre-pregnancy) had loose skin on it from my efforts to drop about 20# I had gained since my DS turned 1. And I KNOW I won't have the flatness I soooo want without a tuck. I look forward to hearing about your consult and what all you decide.

I'm a follower of Roni's site as well and I've seen you mention her here a few times. I also have my own blog, so feel free to stop by sometime. Obviously, it's not about weight loss right now. :) Good luck at your consult!

Jen Gordon said...

Thanks Amanda!

CAM is a funny place huh? I don't remember you, but I also have an awful memory.

I too, lurk on many blogs. :)

Roni's blog is what really inspired me to start my own and lose the weight. :)

I'll gladly check yours out too.

Thanks for commenting!

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