Long Day

I attempted to write this post several times but was continually interrupted by the eldest Duggar boy's wedding.  DEAR GOD!

Okay..

Man I have to say it was REAL tempting to over eat today.  Just stressful.  I had errands to run, carpool to do, babies to take care of and then got them to bed solo so Ed could work (he's 100x more busy than I).  I saw some cute Almond Joy easter egg things at Target with Amelia and bought some.  Now, normally I wouldn't even consider it.  But it sounded good.  I waited until I got good and hungry and enjoyed one.  It was a little piece of heaven in the midst of my crazy kid chaos.  I wanted about 14 more.  

But I didn't do that.

I'm feeling good.  I'm finding that this time around my stomach is holding a lot more weight than before.  I only figured that out since I'm in size 8's and still 168 ish.  And after meals I look about 3 months pregnant.  My stomach is just shot.  All the more motivation not to overeat- no pudge!  

I'm starting to predict my portions more and serving only what I'll eat.  So leaving less on the plate, but serving less to begin with.  I have to remember to slow down and taste the food.  When I eat too fast I find myself wanting the meal to last longer towards the end- which could cause me to overeat.  So I'm just trying to slow down.  Slowing down is eternally hard for me. 

Here's my tracker:

Breakfast:

Breakfast potatoes

Snack:

Mocha

Lunch:

Some whole wheat spaghetti with meat sauce

Salad with Miso dressing

Slice of sourdough with butter

Snack:

Apple

Almond Joy mini

Dinner:

Slice of pizza

1/2 salad

glass of wine

Snack

2 almond joy mini's

500??

So I just noticed that this is my 500th post! How in the world did I update this blog 500 times? Weird. Well, anyway....here's to 500! :)

Weekend is going good. Still listening to my body and eating what I want....all with losses on the scale! Wooooooohoooooo!

Today we woke up for church and I was able to put on a sweater that I had not been able to wear since before Shepherd. LOVE that feeing.  That paired with some size 8's made feel good.  So I figured I'd take an updated pic. 

Come on weekend!!

So yesterday I got officially "fixed".....well, for 10 years anyway.  My womb now carries a handy, dandy copper IUD.  NO MORE KIDS!!!!!!  Whooooo hoooooo!  I'm done!

Okay......can I tell you how much I'm LOVING this non diet thing?  I got on the scale and it said 168 lbs this morning!  Yah!!!  Anyway, I'm feeling so good.  Feeling free.  Feeling light.  Feeling good.  

OH!  And I got into a pair of size 8's!!!!!  10 more lbs and I just might be able to get into all my old jeans (mostly 6's, some 4's)!!!

We're having some friends over tonight for dinner.  I'm making Stack-a-roll Straganoff.  It was a childhood favorite that my sweet mother in law made for her kids regularly.  Ed loves it and so do I.  I'm making a yummy salad with walnuts, gorgonzola and raspberry vinegerette.  And some Riesling, of course.  

Then tomorrow we're having more friends over for breakfast.  I'm making a Breakfast Casserole, some fruit, coffee and OJ.  Should be good.  

Here's the tracker:

Breakfast:

Wasn't hungry.  Truly!

Snack:

Mocha

Lunch:

Publix Turkey Sub (ate 3/4 of it)

A few chips

Snack:

Wasn't hungry

Dinner:

Stack a Roll

Salad

Wine

There are a lot of Jen's, Jennifer's and Jenny's that follow this blog...

Just say'n.  :)

Still happy to be in the 160's....

So this no dieting thing is really suiting me.  Every time I start a meal I get a little anxious about having to actually stop.  But once the "full" cue hits, it's getting easier and easier to stop.  That's a relief.  I think the key is to slow down so you don't miss the cue and get full too fast.  Drag it out. Make it last.  

Here's my tracker: 

Breakfast:

2 slices whole wheat bread with butter and jam

Mocha

Lunch:

1/2 Chick-fil-A chicken sandwich

1/4 of the fries

1/2 sweet tea

Snack:

Lindor's dark chocolate truffle

2 milano mint cookies

Snack: (it was more around dinner time)

2 chocolate chip cookies my neighbor made

**I was really wanting some sweets***

Dinner: (9pm when I was hungry)

Mongolian beef (Maybe 1 cup worth)

fortune cookie

I'm in the 160s!!!!

OMG! OMG! OMG!

I cannot tell you how happy I am!  I've been waiting to see the 160's for a long time.  Got on the scale and was thrilled. 

I'll write more later...

Rainy Day = no walk :(

I suppose I could have gotten on my treadmill, but I decided to finish nursing my cold and just lay low.   Lounged in bed during the baby's morning nap with my laptop and coffee.  Oh, did I mention I put REAL cream and sugar in my coffee?  Yah...  that was nice.

I'm continually working on accepting my body in all it's various stages.  If I had it my way I'd hit the fast forward button to 140 lbs and a size 4.  But my way includes anorexia nervosa, which isn't all that appealing.  So, I guess I'll do it patiently and in the mean time love myself.  

Still in the honeymoon phase of eating whatever I want.  Stopping is the hardest part of it- but I'm doing it.  Self control, self control.  This is good.

Tracker:

Breakfast:

2 pieces of whole grain bread with butter and strawberry jam

Coffee

Lunch:

Trader Joe's Mushroom Risotto

Salad with Miso dressing

Bread

Snack:

Mocha

Two bites of an apple fritter

Snack:

Pear

Dinner:

Curry fried rice

Green beans with olive oil and sea salt

Snack: (I was truly hungry people!)

Cheese sandwich with mayo on whole wheat

A few whole grain tortilla chips

I'm working on drinking a lot of water.  I've noticed my milk supply be up and down lately.  I've linked it directly to my water intake. I think I need to drink somewhere around 100 oz to have a timely and good let down with each feeding.  

But enough about my boobs...

Today was good.  Busy, but good.  Tuesdays are carpool day for me which makes for a busy day in the midst of everything else.  I dropped the boys off at school today and then Amelia, Shepherd and I went to the library for story time.  We also picked up some good books for the kids.  We've gotten into a good habit of reading a lot together, which is nice.  Then we headed to Costco.  Ironically I drove all the way there to only buy 2 bulk loaves of bread and a sun dress for Amelia.  I was actually scouting out trampoline prices, but they had none.  (More on that later)  

I felt myself get really hungry while there and had a moment of panic wondering what I could eat and what was "point friendly."  Then I realized I could eat whatever I wanted and relieved.  (Not that I couldn't on WW's, but it's just the practice of nothing being a forbidden fruit)  Amelia and I chowed down on pizza.  Two slices of pizza and two sodas = $5.  Gotta love Costco!  I listened to my hunger cues and actually finished the whole slice and drank a real coke with it.  It was good and I did not feel overly stuffed.  Just right.  

We came home, dropped some pizza off for Ed and then out again for carpool.  Picked the boys up and then came home and chilled the rest of the day.  I didn't feel hungry again until about 4:30pm and had a hardboiled egg.  Then was hungry again at 6pm and I ate some dinner.   Again, ate to fulfillment and then stopped.  I even had a bite on my fork I almost put into my mouth and said: "No, I'm full" and put it down.  Exhibiting self control is never a bad thing to practice. 

So there ya have it!  It was a good day and I feel good about everything.  I'm sure I'll have bad days, but for now I feel like a million pounds have been lifted off my shoulders. 

Here's my tracker:

Breakfast:

peanut butter and honey sandwich

Snack:

Mocha

Lunch:

1 slice pizza

coke

Snack:

hardboiled egg

Dinner:

2 slices of pork tenderloin

some collard green with vinegar (LOVE that stuff)

1 slice of corn bread with butter

pear

I've had an epiphany...

I've decided to stop dieting.  

Now, before you scream "blasphemy!" and beat me into submission, let me say that dieting has just not been working for me.  I'm not going to stop losing weight, just stop dieting.  

I've really been doing some soul searching the last few days.  Learning why I'm so inclined to overeat.  Why I'm so food obsessed.  Why food is the "answer" to me.  And I realized that food is not my enemy.  The way I relate to food is the issue.  It's not the food that needs to change, it's me.  I've decided that it's time I start listening to my body again.  I tapped into that so well with my pregnancy and birth, so why not let that guide me in this weight loss?  I've come to the realization that just because I was successful with WW's after I gave birth to Amelia doesn't mean it's the only tool I can use.  And to be quite honest, right now I cannot think about another point. 

So, I've only got a few rules:

1. Eat only when I'm physically hungry and stop when I'm full. 
   
2. Eat whatever I'm craving.
   

Day two on this and I'm down 2 lbs.  That includes tacos, bake bre, salad with REAL dressing, loaded baked potato, coffee cake, mochas, sauteed veggies with olive oil and salt, sour cream, butter, you name it.  I just can't buy another fat free product right now. Maybe I will in the future, but for now I want to eat what I like.  Now, I'm not saying I'm going to live on junk food- I actually do like healthy food- but what's a girl gotta do to get some real cheese up in here? And  there is a time and place where a girl needs to have some chocolate too.  

So this is where I'm at.  I'm actually quite excited and happy about it.  I feel free.  I've stopped in the middle of several meals the last few days and had an entire half of my plate still full.  But I was full, so I didn't eat it.  Sometimes that meant quickly putting the plate down on the floor for my pug to eat before I changed my mind (she can get fat, she likes it that way) and sometimes I just put my fork down and exhibited self discipline.  At any rate- I went totally off my body's cues.  It was quite a thrill!  

I have to say I do enjoy this!  I can't lie- I was reminded of all this from a book I read years ago called "The Weigh Down Diet."  All she basically says is that God made your body the way He did and it will tell you what to do.  And "refraining from over indulgence is something all believers should do."  Good point.  So that's what I'm doing.  I'm making friends with food again and promising not to abuse it.  I hereby declare to never buy chocolate flavored styrofoam and ff cheese again.

I'm relearning how to eat and not being obsessed with what I eat. 

Anyway, I still plan to post my tracker and activity.  Just because I like to.

Here's what I had today:

Breakfast: 2 hardboiled eggs, 1 mocha

Lunch: 1/2 a turkey sandwich with gouda cheese on a croissant, spring salad with vineagarette.

Snack: mocha, reduced fat coffee cake (I just like the RF version at starbucks)

Dinner:5 mini Trader Joe's chicken tacos with sour cream and peach salsa

Snack:1 piece of 7 grain bread with naturally more peanut butter and honey on top

Water, water, water

I also walked 4 miles this morning with the baby.  

Thank You

I really, really appreciate hearing from all of you ladies that don't comment often, but chose to speak some encouraging words to me.  Sometimes just knowing someone is in the journey with you can make you feel so much better.  I loved what all of you had to say.  Why is it so hard for some of us to be fit and in check with our food consumption?  Why doesn't it just come naturally?Very frustrating.  

Speaking of which, my mom had lap band surgery 6 months ago.  Everything was great until they realized that it was eroding part of her stomach.  She just had surgery again to remove it.  She says she's done with surgeries.  I don't blame her.  But it did make me nervous.  She's morbidly obese and has a lot of weight to lose to get healthy.  She lost 47 lbs with the lap band which is great.  But now that it's off, she's going to have to decide what she's going to do.  I talked to my step dad today on the phone to check in on her (she's recovering and all whacky with the drugs) and he said they are vowing to live a healthy life after this.  Eating right, walking every day, etc.  It makes me so nervous for my mom.  Mainly because she's been so out of control with her weight since my entire adult hood.  And there was some strange part of me that felt "secure" in the fact that she had the lap band surgery.  Like if she could get thin, then I could.  Cause after all, I spent most of my adulthood swearing I'd never get as big as she is.  Now, I know that's not fair, but that's just what I'd feel when I saw her.  She's got debilitating back pain from her weight.  She's already had surgery on her back for it.  And I have to say that every time I see a "before" glimpse of myself I see my mom.  And perhaps that is the real issue here.  

Oh the issues...  When do they end?  

I'm working on loving myself.  Giving myself a break.  Embracing the moment and where I'm at.  But this stuff is hard and the shit is just hitting the fan over and over at this point in my life.  I guess when you turn 30 you start learning who you really are.  And I'm sure that process carries you well into old age.  But there's just something significant about all these decisions I've made in the last year.  The first being the cancelation of my tummy tuck.  It was with that decision that I felt like I was choosing a hard road for the better outcome.  I knew having another child was something that was meant to be for me.  I knew it.  But the vanity in me wanted my body, my tummy tuck, my control, my little compact life that fit portably where ever I needed it to.  And one day I just decided to listen to God and my heart and cancel that pre-op appointment.  And from there on I feel like I hit a V in the road and chose a more self sacrificing road, albeit life giving.  

So here I'm at on this road where nothing feels in control.  Where the work never quite feels done.  Where not even sleep is something that can be counted on.  Where God is just beating the flesh right out of me.  LOL   I got to give up this need to control things.  It's catching up with me and it's making me miserable.  I've got three amazing children.  I love them more than life itself.  They are my everything.  And I truly cannot imagine a life without Shepherd.  He is God's perfect will for me.  I was made to be his mother.  I am so glad I cancelled that surgery.  

This is a new place that calls for a new plan.  A plan that may not fit into my "plan" before.  But it's still a plan.  I will lose this weight.  But I've got to do so with a kind heart towards my body.  I can't be at odds with it.  

I did a nice 4 mile brisk walk today with Shepherd.  It was such a pretty day.  I was outside most of the day after that because after school my kids had playdates at the park.  We played in sand boxes, swung high, took a nature walk, found an inch worm, later found a snail.  It was good.  

Talk me down

I caught a glimpse of me in the mirror today and wanted to cry.  I feel like I look like my "before" picture and I've always said I'd never be there again.  I've been really struggling between feeling okay and positive, to feel like it's just such a big task to lose this weight.  And the minute I start the self hating, I start eating.  It's that cycle thing....

It's so hard having done this all before and being so successful at it and then having to start from scratch.  Not only that but living a constantly "interrupted" life with three kids.  I just feel like I can't finish a sentence, let alone count points.  But at the end of the day that's an excuse.  

I know I can do this.  I think I just feel like I have to do this QUICKLY.  I feel this urgency to hurry up and be skinny again.  And each day that slips by I feel this stress creep in.  Especially when I've been gaining and losing the same three pounds for what seems like months now.  And that really, really pisses me off.   What am I waiting for?  What am I holding onto this weight for?  Why am I doing this to myself? 

I know this is more than just the externals.  I know I'm struggling with feeling love for myself.  I'm pretty hard on myself.  I have a cut throat mentality when it comes to body image.  It's not good.  And it's not helping.  Ya know how they say that losing weight doesn't solve all your problem?  Bull shit! LOL  It sure felt that way to me!  When I was 140 and a size 4/6 I had a great body image!  In fact, I felt so good about myself that I couldn't remember what it was like to not like my body.  I mean, I did want a tummy tuck for my excess skin, but all in all I was really happy.  And I feel like I'm back in this familiar self talk.  "You're fat.  That's it."  "You can't stay OP to save your life!"  "You can run all you want, but it won't undo the binge you had last night."  

Ugh.

I know I'll be okay, but in this instance, I'm just feeling defeated.  I need a spark.  Some inspiration.  I do well with a challenge.  But the problem right now is that my life is a challenge right now.  Not bad, but challenging.  Leaving me deflated mentally and physically. I'm going to really try my best to love myself through this.  I'm not quitting, but I know that I'm not being fair.  I know I'm sneaking bigger portions and calling them "one portion," I'm taking nibbles that add up, I'm medicating with food. 

Well, the baby is going to wake up soon.  I'm going to take two of my kids (big one is on a play date) to the park and run with the double stroller.  I'm hoping the endorphins will sore and give me a boost of life. Tonight we're having friends over and I'm planning to eat salad instead of the tacos we're planning.  Mainly because I only have 10 pts left.  And I'd like to have a glass of wine. I need to do what I did before- if I'm out of points- get creative, don't give in.  

More later.... but here's my tracker so far:

Breakfast:

luna: 4 pts
mocha: 5 pts (freaking whip cream)

Snack:
hardboiled egg: 2 pts
apple: 1 pt

Lunch:
Willy's spicy chicken salad with a little cheese, sour cream and salsa: 10 pts
2 chips: 1 pt

Trying too hard

Thanks so much for the encouraging comments that some of you left on my last post.  I've been thinking a lot about this journey and why it's different this time.  And I came to the conclusion that there is such a thing as working the program too hard.  Where it becomes so complicated and consuming that it just isn't doable.  And that's where I was.  I've also been comparing this journey to my weight loss journey three years ago and the fact is is that this is a different journey.

I'm going to treat this a new journey and give myself a break.  Not a break from being OP, but a break from demanding so much of myself.  I demand a lot of myself on a daily basis.  I insist on doing a lot, making the most of my time, multi tasking on crack.  But I just need to slow down.  I need to enjoy the plan.  It's a good plan.  And I can do it.

I'm not going to weigh myself except for once a week, on Mondays only.  I will not step on it any other time.  I will love myself and enjoy myself.  I will thank my body daily for what it does do for me.  I'm healthy, strong, and very capable of walking in a place of peace with my body.  I'm going to choose to do this daily.  To give myself the gift of living without hating my body, even when I feel like I'm not myself yet.  

Here's my tracker today:

Breakfast:

Luna bar: 4 pts

Grande Mocha: 4 pts

Lunch:

Whole grain quesadilla with leftover chicken stirfry, mozz cheese and spinach: 8 pts

Spinach salad with green beans, feta and dressing: 2 pts

Snack

Apple: 1 pt

Dinner:

Salmon burger: 5 pts

Sweet potato: 3 pts

Green beans: 0 pts

Dessert (Ed brought me my favorite icecream)

Icecream: 10 pts

Snack:

Skim milk: 2 pts

Banana Bread (thank you Higgy): 4 pts

Total :43 pts  (32 allowed)

11 Flexies used.  

So Frustrated

The scale is all over the place.  Yesterday it said 170 lbs.  Today it said 174.5 lbs???!!  WTH?  I cannot break the 170's and it's driving me MAD!  I feel myself getting frustrated and mad at myself.  I feel like I'll do good all week and then the last day of the week I eat too much and screw the week up.  I've been increasing my exercise and walked or ran every day this week.  But I just can't get through this plateau.  :(

I have to admit I have not written down everything exactly and I've been slacking on portion control.  I got through phases where it's easy to be OP and then it feels so, so hard.  And the last time I lost weight I was so focused that being OP was truly easy for me.  But I'm just struggling to get back in that zone.  I don't want to feel fat anymore.  I don't want to feel so enslaved to food like I do now.  I just want some consistency and control.  And I know that I have the power to do that for myself.  I just need to focus.  I feel good about my exercise.  I've been really consistent with that and enjoy it.  So I need to come up with a plan.

Last week I tried to divide 5 mini meals into 5 pts a piece.  It worked well the first few days and then there were times when i needed to spend more at one meal and conserve at another and it just messed me up.  That and I can tell that I do better OP when I get sleep.  And Shepherd has been all over the place with sleep lately.  Not that that's an excuse, but that's just where I'm at.  

Despite the lack of movement on the scale, I do feel different in my jeans.  They are looser.  So that's a positive.  

Here's my tracker so far today:

Breakfast:

Luna: 4 pts

Coffee with cream, sugar: 2 pts

Lunch:

Salmon burger on a whole wheat bun: (8 pts)

Green beans: 2 pts (olive oil)

Potatoes: 4 pts

Sips of coke: 1 pt

So, 21 pts so far. 

Dinner will be around 10 pts and then maybe a snack.  I'm going to skip exercise tonight and substitute sleep.  I'm so tired.  

Tomorrow I'm planning on running again with the man child.  

172 lbs even this morning on the scale.   At first I stepped on it funny and it said 162 lbs and I nearly flipped.  Then I realized the error and let out a big, deep groan.  Not that I expected to be in the 160's- but man I'm close.  There is a big difference (which makes no sense at all) b/w the 160's and 170's for me.  So being in the 160's will be nice.  

I did not run today.  Too much going on.  That and Shepherd was up a lot last night and I was just too tired.  I did, however, get some running shoes.  I know that my cross trainers were not good and after spraining my ankle last summer, I'm getting the right shoes for my feet!  I got a new pair of my faithful Mizuno brand.  And a hydration belt.  I'm going to try and get a long run in this weekend.  5 miles.  That's my goal.  Hopefully I can do that childless.  (Can I Ed?)  

I'm bringing some food to the Teacher's Appreciation Breakfast tomorrow for my kid's school and then Shepherd and I are going to the park to run.  4 miles is the plan.  

Here's my food tracker today...

Breakfast:
Special K bar: 2 pts
Mocha: 3 pts

Snack:
Grapes: 1 pt

Lunch: (Met with Ed at Salsa)
2 bbq tacos: 10 pts
maduros:3 pts
chps: 7 pts

Snack:
hard boiled egg: 2 pts
grapes; 1 pt

Dinner:
Chips/salsa: 4 pts
special K bar: 2 pts

Snack:
Special K cereal with skim: 4 pts

39 pts

5 Flexies used (30 left for the week and it's already Friday tomorrow!)

Today was good. I'm doing well eating often. I had carpool this morning and after I dropped the load of kids off I took the baby and myself to the park. I jogged 4 miles!! I'm still doing my Jeff Galloway program of walk/running and I can say I'm doing a lot less walking and it feels good! The weather is great and it felt divine to be warm and have sweat pouring down my face.  Love that feeling.  

Here's my food tracker.  

Breakfast:
Lite string cheese: 2 pts
mocha: 3 pts

Lunch:
1/2 cup bean soup: 2 pts
Chips and salsa: 9 pts

Snacks:
Grapes: 1 pt
2 hard boiled eggs: 4 pts

Dinner:
Grilled chicken breast: 3 pts
Green beans with olive oil and salt: 2 pt
2 pieces bread: 6 pts

Drink:
Diet coke and rum: 2 pts

Total: 34 pts

Guess who ran 3 miles?

ME!!!! I decided to stop waiting for a time I could get away alone and I just took the baby and Amelia in the double jogger. It was hard. Very hard. But it felt good to push myself. I took some walk breaks, but I definitely consider this a run! And my kids were great. We ran to our local coffee shop and back. They were entertained by the cars and noise. That and I had my head phones on so.....maybe I didn't hear them. :)

I am loving the time change because they kids are in bed by 7pm and I can still go in the neighborhood and run because it's light out. So I'm looking forward to extending my mileage.

Boone was fun, but fat laden. Luckily I only gained 1 lb. Seriously folks, I was expecting to be UP there. Anyway, I'm back in my groove. I started searching for some fresh inspiration. I found a very cool site that collects weightloss blogs into one list. I spent an hour reading some. I do so well seeing how others do this thing.

I'm trying a new strategy this week. Eat 5 small meals and 2 snacks. I've been eating very small breakfast and lunch and then gorging dinner. Not working for me. So I figured each meal is 5 pts. Each snack is 3 pts. That gives me 31`pt. Then 3 to play around with.

Here's my plan:

Meal:
1 slice whole wheat bread with 1 tbsp peanut butter: 3 pts
Mocha: 3pts

Meal:
Leftover whole wheat spaghetti with mushroom and zucchini marinara.: 5 pts

Meal:
5 pts

Meal:
Beef tenderloin taco: 5 pts (threw a lime marinated beef tenderloin in the crock pot. I'll slice it and we'll make tacos with it)

Meal:
5 pts

APs= +3 (hoping not to use them to booste weight loss)

Boone...

So last time I was here I was shoveling food in my mouth like I'd never eat again.  This trip- I'm determined to stay under control!!  I'm also determined to earn some APs via sledding and walking back up the driveway (which is a mini mountain) and playing Wii. :)  

We woke up, threw the kids and bags in the car and were driving by 9am.  That's impressive for three kids people.  Anyway, I planned well and packed healhty snacks.  Luna bars, apples, Diet Lipton White Tea (my new fav), and ff popcorn.  We opted for McDonalds (gag) for lunch and I got a happy meal, along with my kids.  Not horrible- 12 pts.  Much better than the Quarter Pounder for 27 pts or something ridiculous like that. 

We got here around 2:30 and was surrounded by snow.  I'm now sitting by the fire with Ed and relaxing.  Our good friends, the Madlams are coming up tomorrow with their kids.  It's going to be a fun weekend.  And it doesn't hurt to be in good company.  I love me some Corrie.

Here's my tracker:

Breakfast:

Luna: 4 pts

Grande Mocha: 4 pts

Lunch:

Happy Meal: 12 pts

Snack:

Apple: 1 pt

Bagel chips: 5 pts

Ww's cookies: 4 pts (I got snacky)

Dinner:

Wild mushroom soup: 4 pts

2 slices whole wheat bread: 2 pts

Spinach salad with lite ranch: 2 pts

Some blue corn chips with hummus while making dinner: 3 pts

Snack:

2 jacks and diet coke: 4 pts

Total: 45 pts

11 Flexies used (that's what there for, right?)

I'm learning that sleep is just an option

And my current life did not come with that feature. 

We got the kids to bed at 7 pm last night and then I hopped on the treadmill.  45 mins on a 10 incline!  My butt was zapped.  And I'm really getting into reading on the treadmill.  I read so intently that before I looked up I had already been on the treadmill for 30 mins!  I took a bath and then went downstairs to hang out with Ed.  Some friends of our stopped in and we stayed up late laughing and talking.  It was good.  I ended up staying up until 12am though, and for me these days- it might as well have been 4am.  

We are leaving for the mountains tomorrow and I have lots to do today to get us out of town.  I'm mostly caught up on laundry, but I have this terrible OCD habit of having to have a perfectly clean house when I leave town.  I just love coming back to a clean house.  So instead of giving myself a break and letting myself be sloppy, I'm more than likely going to kill myself to get it clean today.  :)  I'm such a good martyr aren't I?  

Okay.  I'll post tracker later.  Off to throw a load in the wash...

I've been walking around in a work out halter top that I haven't been able to wear until now.  I was feeling quite okay in it until my husband asked me if he could call me Anna Nicole.  And then he named "them" Orville and Redenbacher.  

Guess it's too soon for this top.

I got on the scale today.  175 lbs.  Needless to say I blurted out a curse word.  WTH?  I'm hoping it just has to do with the weekend and sodium and not enough water and all that.  Cause I've been a good girl!!!

It's easy to let the number ruin my day and cause me to say F it and eat crap.  But I won't.  Instead I continued doing what I know and I'm choosing to have faith in the plan.  It's takes a lot of faith in your plan when you're at the beginning.  I've always heard that the hardest weight to lose is the first 10 lbs and the last 10 lbs.  I can relate.  

School was cancelled today due to snow.  Such a joke.  Living the south is funny like that.  But I got out and took the kids to the library.  I'm going to do the treadmill again tonight.  I liked the workout I did last night and the time passed quickly while reading.  

We're leaving for the mountain house in two days.  I've got lots to do in the way of cleaning and laundry.  I'm going minimal on the packing.  There is washer and dryer there- so why pack so much?  I always pack WAY too much- thinking I'm going to need something and won't have it.  But it never happens and instead the bottom half of all the bags never gets used.  

I am excited to go though because we're bringing our friends with us.  We'll have 7 kids there between us!  But it will be a blast and there will be wine poured after bedtime....right Corrie?

456 calories

That's what I burned tonight on the treadmill!  I *had* to read my book Breaking Dawn (the last book of the Twilight saga!!) , so I set the incline on 10 and just had the speed at a slower pace so I wasn't jumping up and down.  I walked on an incline for a full hour and was dripping sweat by the time I was done.  Phew!  

It snowed here today and of course I happened to go grocery shopping as all the southerners were stalking up on milk and eggs.  It was a madhouse!  I got all stressed.  Every aisle I went down had 7 people in it and they were NOT nice.  All I wanted was ingredients to make chili and stew.  I never thought looking for diced tomatoes would bring about so much rage.  

Anyway, I came home, made a batch of chicken chili and we settled in and watched our winter wonderland out the window.  My kids were wimps and pretty much tuckered out after 30 mins of snow play.  So we all just hung out indoors by the fire and played.  It was a nice afternoon.  

Here's my tracker... I was busy today and did not track points.  But I'll just lay it out.

Breakfast: 

Luna bar

Lunch:

Tuna fish sandwich on wheat

Spinach salad with homemade blue cheese dressing courtesy of the hubby

1/2 cup of homemade mocha icecream ...again, courtesy of the hubby

***I'm getting the feeling my husband's new found love of cooking is going to cause some temptation for me***

Dinner:

Chicken chili over brown rice

Snack:

Some leftover tuna salad with crackers

I might make myself some hot chocolate here soon.  I'm feel cozy here by the fire with (gasp) all my kids asleep.  Just me, my lap top and my book!  Oh yeah, and my husband play Xbox next to me.

Must caffienate

That's all.  Carry on.