Here's my little girl in her sweet Christmas dress. One thing weight loss has afforded me is being present in the pictures I take of my kids.

Ok, I had another bad night last night. I over ate. Fischer had his friend Isaac spend the night last night. It was his first spend the night and we made cookies and popcorn. I was doing well, point wise. I even did good when we went out to dinner right before. I got a bowl of black bean soup (only 2 pts) and had 1 glass of wine (2 pts). I had 6 points left over to treat myself. I had even run 2 miles yesterday so I had some APs to help me. But then I just started shoveling food into my mouth randomly. I was feeling so "snacky." I ate so much popcorn I felt so bloated by the end of the night. *sigh*

I think I've allowed myself too many excuses lately. When I first started this weight loss thing I was done with excuses. And I think in the last month I've loosened up and let myself slide a bit. I really need to stop. I have plenty of room to treat myself within the program. The holidays are over and I'm getting back to business. My old self probably would have waited until after New Year's Day (since I'm having a few out of town friends over on New Year's Eve and two events on New Year's Day to go to). But I'm not putting it off one more meal. If I want to see goal, I need to focus. So, I'm planning out my big challenges this weekend.

New Year's Eve:

Start my day off with a run.

Church

Since I have control of what I'll serve, I'm going to put some stuff out that I can eat without going off program. Here's what I've decide on:

Shrimp cocktail (really low in points)
Veggie tray
Fruit
Baked Bre (not low in points- but something I promised someone)
Beer and wine!

Keep my breakfast and lunch really low on points to help afford me some extra points at night. My Weekly Allowance points don't renew until MONDAY!!!! So, I'm forced to work with only my daily points. But I can do it.

New Year's Day: (WA points renew, thank God!!)

Again, stick to low point breakfast. I really love the South Beach breakfast wraps. They are only 1 pt! I'll have to pick up more of those.

1st event: I'm sure it will be really yummy and tempting. My game plan is to stick to protein and veggies. I will not, I repeat I will not over load on carbs and sugary snacks. I'll fill up one tiny plate and no "seconds."

2nd event: I know it's going to be pizza and beer. My game plan is 2 beers and 1 pc of pizza. Period. That will work out to roughly 11-13 pts.

So that's my plan and I'm sticking to it !

Up 2.3 lbs! Can't say I'm shocked. I'm not really upset about it because the holidays are over and I know I won't face those kind of challenges for a while. Plus, I weighed in right after eating lunch, with jeans. I never do that. My WW scale at home has me at 148-ish. So, I think I maintained. I'll get in another weigh in next Tuesday. This time- go on an empty stomach and don't wear jeans! :)

On a fitness note: I've been kicking butt with runing! I've gone every day this week-2 miles a day. It feels so good to run. Though, my run last night was a little harder than the other runs this week. But from what I've read- that's normal. Ed got me an ipod shuffle to take on my runs. Light weight and easy to clip on anything.

Because of my binge on Christmas day I've been really careful all this week to not go over my daily points at all. And with running I get an extra 2pts to supplement my daily points so that's nice. It's caused me to get a little more creative with my meals and snacks. I went grocery shoppping one night this week BY MYSELF (love that!) and saw the South Beach diet morning wraps. They're in the frozen section. 1 wrap is only 1 pt because it's packed wth 15 g of fiber!! They're really good and have enough protien to keep you full. That's my new favorite low pt breakfast. Because I'm obsessed with my 3pt mocha from Starbucks- it's helps to have a low pt breakfast. That way I can have a "treat" later that day.

Well, today is Friday and I'm going to take it easy and just walk 2 miles today at the Y. I'm not sure when I'll go. Maybe I'll just walk in my neighborhood. Lord knows my dog would appreciate that. Then again, Fischer is pretty restless today so maybe we'll go to Kangazoom (indoor jump playground). We got some passes for Christmas. Ameila loves the infant play area. What to do....what to do.....

Get fitted for running shoes!

I had a full day yesterday committed to running. Ed stayed at home with Amelia and I took Fischer out with me to get fitted for some running shoes. I must have tried on 10 pairs. I didn't realize how important it is to get fitted. A sales person at the running store (Fleet Feet) watched me run and then suggested pairs based on my step. I would have just bought any pair that looked cool had I not researched and realized you have to get fitted. And I ended up spending less money! I picked up some socks too. Apparently you should never run in cotten socks. Learn something new every day...

After buying my shoes, Fischer and I headed to the YMCA to get my membership activated (Thank you Mom for the membership gift). I got on the treadmill and ran 2 miles without walking!!! That's big for me. The treadmill is much easier than running outside. But I know I need to mix it up with both to get my body used to it. I can't complete a 5k race on a treadmill. But I can increase my indurance and strength by doing gym and outside runs. :)

Well, still haven't made it to a meeting. Maybe tonight... I need to look at a meeting schedule. But I have been a very good girl the last two days. Stuck to the plan- not a point over. And exercised both days. Scale still says I'm 148 lbs- so maybe by the grace of God my Christmas chow fest didn't affect me too badly.

We're having some old friends over New Years Eve that are in town. SO my only challenge will be the food with that. But since I'm hosting- I can have some point friendly options.

I'm going to do my best to get to a meeting soon and post results!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!

It's Chrismas evening as I'm writing. We got home about an hour ago after a whirlwind day of traveling, eating, and opening presents. The kids were so exhausted. Fischer ate sugar from 7am to 7pm. The kid was buzzed and crazed by the end of the day. I can't tell you how glad I am to be home and on my couch with my laptop- kids tucked away and out like a light, husband upstairs playing his new XBOX game that "Santa" got him for Christmas. It was a good day, even though it was busy.

Well, Christmas snuck up on me as far as making a game plan for food. I just totally forgot to really plan out what I should stick to and set limits for certain things. Perhaps I let my guard down because I had been staying OP so easily lately and had so much else going on (all of family sick, took baby to ER for RSV, and just general pre-Christmas busy-ness). Whatever the reason, I should have planned! We had two houses we "hit." The first I was a good girl. I stuck to small portion, chose wisely and didn't graze at all. The second house had more appetizer type food and less healthly choices. I started slowly, only filling up one small plate with a shrimp cocktail, some cookies and some chips.. Then, I just binged! I circled that table like a shark. I totally felt like my "old self" again. Living to eat. It was a really icky feeling. But I didn't stop there. After stuffing myself, then they brought out the pie. I had a small slice of that too. Then I went back and forth to the food table for the remainder of the time there. When we left I thought: "Thank God! It's over and I'm not eating anything else today. " Wrong. I got home and began putting things away. We were sent home with the typical goodie bag of treats. Before I knew it I ate 3 more cookies. I don't know what got into me. Luckily my weekly allowance points renewed today and I have the cushion of those extra 35 pts. But there's no telling exactly how much I ate. ?? But, I do know I'm capable of stopping it. So thank God the holiday is officially over and I can move on.

Other than that, it was a good Christmas. My family is the best.

I have weigh in at some point this week. My usual day is Monday, but since Christmas and New Year's Day falls on Mondays this year- I'll have to slip into another meeting. I'll post results. I'm most certainly going to make myself weigh in.

Run, run, run! So, I've run 3 days in a row. I have no idea how far exactly- but I'm guessing 1 mile. I'm actually impressed by that because a couple months ago I couldn't run a block, much less a mile. I ordered a book called The Complete Book of Running for Women. It arrived here this afternoon and I got a chance to skim through it. It's really motivating. And it functions sort of like a "go to" manual for women and fitness. Everything from beginning to run, menstrual cycles, body image, kind of shoes to wear, to finding "the hero within" (giggle). It really does touch on women issues. What I like about it is that it teaches you the practicals like technique and what to wear, how to breathe, ete. But it challenges you to love running. To resurrect the athlete within. To find solitude and rejuvination in running. And that's something that I really need right now. I was an athlete all through childhood and in high school, but it fizzled out in adulthood. I really want to get back in touch with that athlete in me. (That sounds so "motivational speaker" ish- but it's true!) :P

Well, to heighten my new fitness focus, my mom sent me a gift certificate for a 6 month membership to the YMCA for Christmas! I can't tell you how excited I am about that. I had a membership when Fischer was a baby and I loved it. I really want to take advantage of the classes offered and the indoor pool. I'm going there tomorrow to get my membership card and reaquainted with the facility. My goal is to get a class schedule for the various aerobic activities and go to them! When I was member before I never left the treadmill. This time I need to mix it up a bit. I can't really take advantage of the childcare yet though because both my babies have colds, but as soon as they are well- I'll start a weekday routine. Another advantage is that I can go at night and early in the morning if I want to. Yipee!

Okay, I'm tired and (as always) sleep deprived. I'm going to bed!

Holy crap! Down 3.4 lbs! That puts me officially at 148.2 lbs! I'm in a new "decade!!!!" This is great. This means that even with my 1.2 gain from last week- I'm still on track and didn't lose ground. That's a big deal to me. I'm now only 13.2 lbs from my goal of 135 lbs. Wow- it's getting closer. When I started this blog at 184, 135 lbs seemed impossible. Now it feels not only possible, but close!

So, I got up and ran this morning. I woke up late and then scrambled to get dressed and out the door before the kids woke up. I got my ipod together and was off! I was actually surprised how well my body seemed to be handling it. I think I have more endurance as a lighter person. I think the last time I really tried to run I was a good 40 lbs heavier. Anyway, things were going well until my ears started throbbing. It wasn't really that cold, but my ears suddenly felt like it was cold and seemed to ache like nothing I've experienced before. So, it made me run all the more faster to get home sooner. :) Next time- ear muffs.

But- that said, I completed Day 1 of running!

I did something really stupid! I registered to run a 5k on March 11! (http://www.shamrocknroll.org/10k/) Yikes! I've been telling myself for months now that I want to start running again. Well, who am I kidding, I never truly ran before- more like walk fast while hoping a bit. But the point is that I was capable of *jogging* a very slow 5k some years ago. So- I've got roughly 2.5 months to train for this 5k. I figured this would kick my butt out of the door in the morning since I actually need some motivation. I'm starting a plan from coolrunning.com called "Couch to 5K." It basically maps out baby steps to running that 3.1 miles.

I feel so foolish registering because I have no idea how far I can actually run right now since I've not run (for real) in years. But, I know I need to up the anty a bit and get my body and fitness level up to par with my Weight Watchers success. I was so inspired by a woman who also did WW and also began running. Her site is : http://www.msteechur.info/. Truly inspiring stuff on that site! This lady signed up and just started. And she started when she was around 225 lbs (and that already after she lost a significant amount of weight on WW). ANyway- now she's probably around 115 lbs or so. She looks great. All muscle and endless energy. I enjoy her blogging- dry humor. I tend to find little "nuggets" of wisdom that stick with me when I go site searching for weight/fitness inspiration. With this site it was this: "Don't plan your runs around your life. Plan your life around your runs." Good stuff. In other words: stop making excuses and do it!

So I guess my new goals are obvious: get out the door and run! Tomorrow is Monday. I start training tomorrow. I'm going to try and get up early so I can do it alone without the kiddos. My WW meeting is at 11am. So it will be a packed morning but it will feel so good to do it all.

I'll post running result and WW results tomorrow!!

Just found a great 0-1 pt snack/meal that I love! I was checking out a website of a girl on WW who posted a ton of recipes. (www.weightwatchen.com) and I decided to try her "Veggie Filling."

Here it is:

1 tsp olive oil
1 tomato, diced
1 yellow squash, diced
2 small onion-thick slices
1 red bell pepper, sliced
2 cloves garlic, minced
Parsley
Basil
Oregano
Cumin
Onion powder
Garlic powder
Salt
Pepper

Stir fry this all together and the whole pot is 1 pt. I used La Tortilla Factory's low carb garlic herb tortilla (0 pt because it has 8 g of fiber!!) and put 1 lite string cheese (1 pt) in it. I microwaved it for 1 minute and then piled on the vegging filling. WAY good for only 1 pt! It's like a meal! I'm a hot sauce fanatic too so of course I dowsed the whole thing with hot sauce. This might possibly be my new favorite snack!

Keeping my eye on the prize!

I gained 1.6 lbs. :( Not totally out of the blue. I was so shocked I didn't gain last week so I'm sure my "gain" held off until this week. But I'm not that upset about because I know I'm doing well and following the plan. Speaking of plans, Weight Watchers came out with a new, personalized plan. I like it because I get 2 more points a day! Go to weightwatchers.com for more details.

Well, I'm weaning Amelia this week. Poor thing. For weeks now we've all been sick and she has gotten it the worst. She's been up most nights every 2-3 hours and is just unhappy at the breast. On a hunch I gave her a full bottle of formula and she gulped it down like there was no tomorrow. Not only that, but she slept 12 hours straight! This happened with my first baby around this time too. My milk supply plumets and my babies are perfectly happy with bottles. So- this will more than likely be the beginning of the end ofbreastfeeding. So- if there are any questions about how many points I eat due to breastfeeding- they're solved now: NONE! I'm actually a little depressed about weaning. I really wanted to nurse Amelia longer, but she's so happy with the bottle and I don't think I have the mental energy to work to increase my supply. I nursed her 8 months...wow. I can't believe my baby is already 8 months. Anyway- that's my rambling about that.

Onto weight loss! Now that I figured I was probably overestimating how many nursing points I needed to eat, I can now have a sure point range that should result in a loss each week. I've been teetering on the edge of the 150's and I'm desperate to be a permenant 140's kinda girl for December. And hopefully a 130's (135 to be exact) in the beginning of 2007. Man- these last 15 lbs are really trying my patience! But I have to keep going.

I bought a bunch of stuff to make some delicious WW recipes this week so I'm excited to try it all out. I actually made a good brownie recipe last night. It's sounds disgusting, but you add 1 can black beans to 1 box of brownie mix and 1 cup of water. Blend and bake! 350 for 30 mins. It's actuallly quite good! 2 pts for 1/16th of dish.

I have a few food challenges coming up. Two "girl's night" events Thursday and Friday so I HAVE to save my Flex for that. I'm not holding true to my "save flex points" strategy. This week I have to to ensure a loss next Monday.

Down 1.2 lbs! I almost didn't go to a meeting becasue today turned out to be a busy day right from the get go. But I made the time to wegh in and I'm glad I did.

Gotta run!!

Ok- I got a pair of size 6 "skinny" jeans at the Gap last week and wore them with my new boots. I remember swearing I'd never wear a pair of those when they first reappeared. But then again- I was bigger and thought they'd only accent my bigness. I wore them today. Ed took a pic of me while we were outside in the backyard. What's the verdict on the skinny jeans? Yah or Nay?

:)

This week has been very crazy. Firstly everyone in my family was sick. Secondly Ed and I did a project we kept putting off. We cleaned out our attic! I'll spare you all the details, but it was an all day event Saturday and I'm just down right tired. It's now Sunday morning. Both kids are asleep and I "snuck" up and made some coffee. Imagine that? I'm alone, drinking coffee and blogging!!! :)

I'm sticking to my "honesty is the best policy" plan. Confession time. The last few days have been not so great point-wise. I seem to just run through my flex points in the beginning to mid week and then I'm just getting grasping at straws Friday-Sunday (weigh in and Flex Points renew Mondays). I even had a plan for the week. I knew Sunday (today) we were going to my in laws to decorate the Christmas tree and eat lunch. And because my mother in law makes the best treats- I wanted to save all my Flex for Sunday so I could indulge. Well wouldn't you know I spent every last one! Now it's Sunday and I have no Flex left. Not only that, but last night I went 8 pts over my daily and flex pts! That just sucks. I'm over eating and I need to reign myself back in. In the rush of the Holiday season I think I've been too generous in my eating. But, I did make one smart move.... There was a cookie swap I was invited to. But due to my recent lack of self control I knew if I went I'd eat a gazillion cookies, so I just decided not to go. Now- that's not really the Weight Watchers way- because really you never have to deprive yourself, you just need to plan. But since my planning skills are not great right now- I just backed out. I need to snap out of it. I looked back at my stats on my weigh in card and I've only lost 4 lbs since Halloween!! What?? At the beginning of this journey I was losing an easy 8 lbs a month, sometimes more. Granted, I know weight loss slows as you approach goal, but I think I'm not helping with all my "exceptions" lately.

Looking back at my diet journel over the last few weeks I've noticed some key problems:

Problem 1: I'm getting a 3-5 pts coffee drink (mocha) almost daily. That's 21-35 pts that I'm spending on mochas per week. That's a lot considering I only have 26 pts a day. Yikes.
Solution: Limit mochas to 3 times a week. This will be hard for me because I really am addicted!! But I'm willing to do it.

Problem 2: I'm hording my pts and then blowing them on high point foods. Example: I really love Willy's (a burrito place). My favorite burrito there is the Veggie with everything (including sour cream and guacamoli). It's 15 pts for the burrito alone. Add a serving of chips and that's a 20 pts meal. I get this twice a week. I do this type of thing a lot.
Solution: Get a kids burrito (at least 1/2 the size of a regular) and get everything on it. That would cut the points down signficantly. Avoid the chips and I can eat at my favorite place and still stay on plan easily.

Problem 3: Night eating. I get frantic at night. I can do well until abot 3pm. Then it's constant grazing and food is branded on my mind.
Solution: Try to stay busy between 3pm and 5pm. I've tried this a couple times and it works well. Keeps me out of the kitchen and moving. Another thing I heard that works for some women is starting your day at 5pm. What that means is that I start counting points at 5pm and end at 5pm the next day. That way the pressure is off for dinner and night time. I haven't actually tried this yet, but I really think I should give it a shot since I'm struggling at night. Seems like it would work for me.

Ok, there you have it. That's my plan for the next 7 days.

I'll post my weigh in results tomorrow night!

Down .8 lbs!!! Not too bad considering it was the week of Thanksgiving and I know I splurged over my points. I keep telling myself: just think how many pounds I would have gained if I had eaten the way I normally did the past Holidays. So I'm pretty happy with that. It was nice because most of my extended family hasn't seen me since I was 9 months pregnant or just immediately post partum so they were all really shocked by how thin I was. It was nice and motivating to keep this journey on the right path. My aunt just kept looking at me and saying she wants to be "skinny" like me. That felt good. I can't remember the last time I felt "skinny." I just told her: "Join Weight Watchers and don't stop!"

I have been very busy here in the post Thanksgiving days taking care of my sick babies (Ed included). We all have colds and my little baby girl has RSV so I'm having to give her inhaler treatments 4 times a day to help her breath better. Poor thing. We're both not sleeping at night. She wakes up unable to breath well and I have to get the inhaler out and then nurse her. It becomes a 1 hour ordeal. Ugh. But luckily I've been able to get up in the morning and start the day with some energy. God's grace I suppose...

I'm still trying to figure out how many points I should be eating. I've currently been on 28 pts a day but because Amelia is nursing less and eating more solids, I'm wondering if my weightloss is slowing because I'm overestimating how much she's actually eating from me. So I may experiment on 26 pts a day. If I get hungry, I'll adjust and eat. I'd really like to see some substantial loss this month. Especially with Christmas coming. After Christmas I'll breath easier and then it's the countdown to my 10 yr high school reunion in April!!! Can't wait!!

Well, I'm teetering on the 150 mark. I can't wait to see the 140's. I think my official weigh in was 151.2 lbs on Monday. Oh man, I really want to see the 140's next Monday....

Updated pics!!


I used to hate this pic, but now I love it because it really shows how much I've lost!

184 lbs





150 lbs

THANKSGIVING!!!! Well, I did good. By good, I mean I didn't binge on Thanksgiving day. Instead I over ate the day AFTER Thanksgiving! Right when I let my guard down, a hot dog bit me in the ass! :) We went to Knoxville, TN to get together with my mom's family and I did so well the first two days. Then the last day (we decided to stay one more night on a total whim) we went to this Christmas tree festival downtown. We walked, and walked, and walked (I had Amelia in a sling) and then we were all hungry. The ONLY food option was a hotdog. That was it! It was weird. So I ate one. Then we got home and I just went semi-nuts and ate another plate of Thanksgiving leftovers!!??? I was NOT hungry and yet everyone else came home and started filling their plates so I just followed. Immediately after I finished it I had that icky feeling and got really mad at myself. I stuffed myself to the point of wanting to sleep. So I did. I just wanted tomorrow to come so I could start over.

So I wake up this morning (still in Knoxville) after a long night of my baby coughing and running a fever. None of us slept. I just can't sleep when one of my kids are sick. I ended up nursing her almost all night to comfort her. Poor thing. But- as I was so tired and hanging on by a thread I thought to myself: "Hey, maybe all the calories I'm burning breastfeeding my sick baby will help with the damage I did overeating last night." I'm so vain... So I reluctantly wake up and head upstairs to start loading the car. I walk up from the basement, open the door and there it is. I big box of fresh donuts. DAMN IT!!!!! It's like Satan is setting boobie traps for me left and right. :) So, I grab one in a frazzled, sleepy state and down it. We finally got our car loaded with everything and I had a chance to look up the points. For a chocolate cake glazed donut it's 7pts!!! Pisser! So I logged it in my food diary and went on. So far I've stayed OP all day. It's 4:30pm and I have 6 pts left and I'm not even hungry. I'm craving sleep more than chocolate at this point in the day.

My husband is so sweet. My little sick one has been sleeping the last 2 hours and even though Ed is dead tired, he took Fischer to the park. AND he offered to bring me back a mocha when he comes home! He knows the way to my heart. Just thought I'd share.

Well, today is Saturday. Tomorrow is Sunday and the next day is Monday: weigh in day. My goal is to stay OP the next 48 hours (and beyond) and maybe see a loss. But I know there's a possibility I won't lose due to my mishap, so I'm just going to set a goal to make it to the meeting and stay positive. I have a whole month before Christmas to lose some more. Then once Christmas is over I'll rest a little easier! :) My ultimate goal is 135. I'm 150-152lbs right now..... It's getting close!

I tried to attach a recent pic, but I got a new computer and my iphoto isn't working properly. Ed is going to fix it soon and I'll be sure to post one! I need to wear my new size 6's!!!!

Oh. My. God. I had some gift certificates to use from my birthday last month and I finally had the time to go use them. I went into the Gap and looked at the jeans. I used to wear Gap Long and Lean jeans in a size 14 back in the day. Well, I decided to try on some. I grabbed an 8 and walked around looking some more. Then, randomly, I went back and traded the 8's for a 6. I went into the dressing room and guess what????? They fit! And they really even THAT tight. I cannot believe it! I'm so happy. A size 6 jeans!!!! I can hardly believe it. I'm so glad I've been so faithful to this eating plan. It is really paying off! :)

Just had to share.

:)

Weigh in is in 2 days. I'll post results then!

Proof there is a God! As you can read in my last few posts I've been really discouraged and was on a plateau. Not having any significant losses and even having small gains. This whole past week has been awful. I've been so bloated, which has made my jeans feel tight and I've been retaining water like a mad woman. My scale has been all over the place. 153 one day and then 159 the next! I was really upset.

Then I get to my meeting this morning and totally prep the receptionist who weighed me.

Me: "I've had a really bad few weeks. I'm totally expecting a gain"
Receptionists: "Well, step on and let's see."
Me: (taking shoes and jacket off) "I'm even expecting my "lady friend" this month so I'm really bloated" (why did I share that? I have NO idea. I'm a dork)
Receptionist: *awkward smile*

I step on

Receptionists: "Wow- you did great!" *hands me back my weigh in record*

3.4 lbs gone! WHAT????!!!! How is that possible? I was so thrilled. I needed this so badly. I was really feeling a bit helpless.

Last night as I went to bed I talked to God a little. I shared my heart on how yucky I've been feeling. It's been sorta like a dream come true to lose this much weight and I was so sure I would get to goal. Then I stopped believing that in the last few weeks and resorted to some old thought patterns. I just told God that if there was anyway He could help me have just a little loss- I'd be so grateful. Then I just felt ridiculous praying about it in the first place. Ya know, since weight loss is such a pressing matter! Well, not only did I have a small loss. I had the biggest loss I've had so far this whole weight loss journey! So, there you have it, God answers prayers! Even if they're vain and stupid.

Something is just off. Every day this week I've crept up on the scale. I weighed myself tonight and I'm 159!!!! What??? I'm really starting to panic a bit. Up until now I've lost easily as long as I stayed on plan. But then things have just seemed to get a little screwy in the last 2 weeks. I know I went on vacation and that was a challenge- but I thought I handled it well. Then I get back into my routine at home and the numbers are going up. So I spoke with an online friend who is doing WW and breastfeeding and she thinks I'm eating too many nursing points- which would explain my why my weight loss has slowed down. So I altered that and here I am still creeping up on the scale. I'm due for my period any day now. It's my second cycle since having Amelia. So it's a little wacky. I'm late according to my calendar but I know that doesn't mean a whole lot since cycles can vary after they start back up after birth. Part of me is slightly paranoid I'm pregnant. Although I show no symptoms of that other than my period being late. Ugh. I don't know what's wrong with me. I was on such a roll and now I feel so emotional. Like the motivation is being drained out of me. And with the Holidays ahead of me- I feel like I'm not going to see a big loss until January! :(

An example of my lack of motivation was last night. Ed and I went on a date to see the Atlanta Thrashers play. I went there with 2 pts left for the day. My plan was to get a small latte (2 pts). Not only did I get a latte, but I also got a cinnamon pretzel (the big, hot, buttery kind), and 2 beers! I don't know what got into me. It's like I just went nuts. I know that there will be times that I'll go over in points- but it's been so long since then that I feel like I've broken my magic pattern. It's so hard for me, personaitly wise, to not throw the baby out with the bath water. I'm an all or nothing kinda chick. It takes a lot of me to brush myself off and walk on. But I know that's exactly what I have to do to be successful.

I felt compeled the last few days to blog here. Mainly because I need to procees my feelings and also be accountable to friends. No journey comes without bumps in the road. Just because I hit a bump doesn't mean I turn around and go back. I need to keep going. Being honest with myself is a huge part of how I've come this far. So being honest is what is eventually going to get me to goal. Now if all that "pep talk" will translate into my daily eating habits, I'll be fine! :)

One thing I need to let go of is the dead line I set in my head. Because I lost so steadily in the last 5 months, I had calculated that I would be at goal by Thanksgiving. Well that isn't going to happen. Not unless I lose 24 lbs in a week. So, I'm officially taking the pressure off and allowing myself to lose how ever slowly or quickly I lose. I think a healthy time line would be to get to goal by Amelia's 1st birthday in April. That allows me plenty of time. That also happens to be the same month as my 10 year high school reunion- so that's cool.

Well, there you have it. I feel better now that I got that all out. I really hope this "funk" passes. I have weigh in on Monday. I usually really look forward to weigh in day but not this week. Nonetheless, I'm going. I need to be at a meeting and absorb everything. I know I'll have a gain.

I'll post weigh in results Monday.

Victory! I weighed in yesterday and I had a .4 gain. I count that as a victory because I know I was not as good as I should have been at the beach. Considering I ate doritos, fried stuff, beer, wine, and lots of snacks! I was actually worried I would have gained 2 lbs or something. But, I'm back in Atlanta and back to my routine. I went to the grocery store and bought a TON of food. I really want to eat at home as much as possible to avoid added sodium and junk. They opened a new Super Wal-Mart near me (apparently the first ever urban wal-mart) and they carry this great peanut butter called Naturally More. It's all natural and has flaxseeds in it. It's only 3 pts for 2 tbsps. Considering regular peanut butter is 5 pts per serving, I'm glad to have the option. I actually like the crunch the flaxseeds give. I put some on a rice cake for a good 4 pt breakfast. The protein in the peanut butter keeps me full too. I'm trying to branch out and look for new things to eat to change it up a bit.

Phew! I went out of town for 7 days to beautiful St. George island in Florida and I actually maintained my weight!!! I had a few questionable moments while there. Hushpuppies, fried shrimp, french fries....just to name a few. I tried to counteract that with long walks on the beach with Amelia in the sling. My goal was to maintain and according to my home scale I did. I'll weigh in Monday and give an official update then. I think I'm due for my "lady business" soon- so I've been slightly bloated and craving sugar. :) I'm gonna focus on drinking a ton of water between now and weigh in. I think I've overdosed on high sodium foods which leads to major water retention. Hopefully I'll flush some stuff out!!

Going grocery shopping tomorrow. Stocking up on some fruits and veggies. I feel a bit out of my element lately. The last few weeks have been filled with birthday parties, vacations and just plain bad food choices. With the holidays ahead of me, I need to get back into a healthy routine. I'm gonna try some new recipes and change things up a bit. I'd love to be in the 140's by Thanksgiving. And maybe, just maybe be at goal for Christmas. What an amazing gift that would be!!! Think I could do it??

Well today is my birthday and I ate some serious food. This morning I had 2 and a half Krispy Kreme donuts for breakfast. EEEEEK! Then a fat burrito for lunch. And I still have birthday cake. Last night I went to dinner with some friends to eat and I way over did it on food and alcohol. Spent all my weekly points. Today I'll go about 6 pts over. I NEVER do that. I always stick to plan. I started to get depressed about it- but then I said to myself: it's my birthday! Sure, I could have made better choices, but it is what it is and I can't punish myself. I'll have a piece of cake with Ed tonight and then its right back OP tomorrow morning. I still want a loss this week- so I'm gonna be strict!! :)

Below are some updated pics. 155 lbs and a size 8 jeans!!!

155.6 lbs!!!! I lost 2 lbs!! This means I'm exactly 20 lbs from goal. Oh my.... It feels weird to be so close. I know 20 lbs may not be "close" to some people- but when you started out at 225- IT'S CLOSE!!! It feels good. I have noticed my weight loss slow down the closer I get. I may not be at goal by Christmas, but I'll be thinner than I am now- so that's enough for me.

This past week I did bring my daily points down 2 points from 32 to 30. Even though I don't technically need to go down to 30 points until I get below 150 lbs. I felt it was time to got down because I was maintaining my weight instead of having any significant losses for a couple weeks there. But- since I'm nursing, I want to be sensitive to my supply and what I need so if I'm hungry- I'll eat. But 30pt/day is what the plan is. All in all I feel like I'm thinking less and less about food. This is a big lifestyle change for me. It's practically in my genetic makeup to think about food 24/7. It feels odd for me to not be so obsessed over what I'm eating. Heck, at my son's birthday I was so busy talking and watching him have fun that I forgot to eat dinner. But because of that I was able to eat a piece of the yummy carrot cake I made. (Shaped into a dinosaur with cream cheese icing dyed blue, mind you). And I still lost this week! I really can't believe how easy it is now. It's really becoming habit. I don't feel like I'm on a diet. I never feel deprived. Ever.

I also have a non scale victory to share. My friend's husband had a single friend that was staying when them a couple weeks ago. Ed and I had gone over there to eat one day and we met him. My friend said the single guy talked about how "attractive Ed's wife is." Apparently he thought I was available before he realized I was married. Well, yes, I'm taken- but thanks for making my day!!! It feels really good to be "hot" again. Ha ha.

So, my birthday is Wednesday. Tomorrow night I'm going out to eat at a french restaraunt. I'm planning on spending a lot of my points. I think I'll be eating some cheese and bread and don't forget the martinis!!! Being 155 lbs is the best birthday present I could ever get.

I weighed in at 157.6 lbs last night. That's only a .4 loss. :( I know it's still a loss, but I was expecting more. Sunday I got on the scale at home and it said 155 lbs. I was thrilled - as it's been a while since I've had a big loss in one week. Then I stepped on the scale Monday morning and it said 157 lbs. (Day of weigh in). ?? So I decided to research and look back at my tracker and determine why I seem to be slowing down on the weight loss.

Several things came up:

Not a lot of fruit

Not a lot of water

Lots of fast food and high sodium meals (even though I stayed under my points)

My daily point allowance may need to be dropped by 2 since Amelia is on 2 solid food meals a day

I had lots of "events" where I did a lot of guessing about point value in the foods.


So, I'm moving forward (not dwelling on the past) and I'm making some changes. I'm gonna back off on the Lean Cuisines (sodium) and fast food. I'll reach for fruit instead of fat free pudding. And I'll drop down to 30 pts a day instead of 32 pts. Hopefully that will kick it into gear a bit.

This month is a bit challenging because my mother in law, brother in law, Ed, Me and Fischer all have birthdays in October. So there were/are some celebrations that can trip me up food-wise. This Saturday is Fischer's birthday party. I'm making 2 big pots of chili and I'm making him a carrot cake dinosaur cake. So- I'd like to have a piece with him. My goal this week is to save my weekly allowance points until then.

Whenever I experience a disappointment in relation to my weight loss journey I really have to resist being too reactive. I have to push myself to focus on the future and not dwell on the past. It's absolutely vital to keep going in order to get to goal. But it's so hard not to slip into past habits.

I'm just now remembering what I did when I stepped on the scale Sunday and it said 155 lbs. I thought: "Wow- that's gonna be a 3 lbs loss from last week when I weigh in tomorrow. I think I'll treat myself to a yummy dinner." I had a chili dog and fries. I counted my chickens before they hatched. And even though that chili dog and fries were still under my points (as unbelievable as that is-lol) I still chose unwisely and paid for it on the scale. One thing my leader says is: "You can't fool the scale. Cheating is only cheating yourself- not the scale."

Focus ahead!! :)

Well I weighed in at exactly 158 lbs last night. I was able to celebrate two big things. One, last night was my 16th week attending meetings. Studies within WW show that those that make it to meetings (not just weigh ins) for 16 weeks are usually in it for the long haul and get to goal. I got a charm with two hands clapping. I put it on my 10% keychain. That meant a lot to me to get to my 16th week. And two: I got my 25 lb magnet. I'm down 26 lbs since joining in June. YEAH!!!

So it was a successful meeting and very motivating.

:)

Is it Monday again already?? Geez...time is flying. My meeting is tonight but I have the time - so I figure I'd update now. According to my WW homescale I'm 157.6 lbs. That's 1.6 lbs down! My homescale is usually pretty accurate. In fact- I usually weigh slightly less when I weigh in at the meeting. So we'll see.....

This week was good but busy. I went to church yesterday and 3, yes THREE, people did not recognize me. I ran into a friend that I hadn't seen since Amelia was about 2 months old. She was talking to Ed and I walked up and said hi. She said hi kinda oddly and then started talking to Ed again. Then she looked back and her eyes widened and she said: "Oh my God! Look at you!" She totally didn't even know it was me when I first said hello. How's that for a non-scale victory? It makes it all worth it... I feel so good about myself lately. It makes it easier and easier to stay OP.

Yesterday didn't come without it's challenges though. Ed and I went to the first church service at 9:30am. Then we served in the nursery for the 11am service. I was STARVING and ate a bagel with cream cheese. It was good but 7 points. Dang. Then after that we got lunch at Subway. I was able to control my points there but then we headed to a baby shower after that. Talk about challenging. I had 4 deviled eggs and some pasta salad. By the time we got home it was 4pm and I had 2, yes 2, points left for the day. But, I was determined to stay OP. Luckily I was full from the day's grazing and I decided to go on a walk around 5pm. I put my handy WW pedometer on that can calculate activity points earned for a given activity. I walked until I earned 1 AP. So that left me with 3 points to work with. Better than 2 right? So I took advantage of Weight Watchers infamous No Point Soup I made the day before. I ate a huge bowl of that and downed two glasses of water. I was definitely full. (Now I know why so many people say that soup is the secret to their success). Ed and I got the kids to bed and I sat down with a Smart Ones Mississippi Mud Pie (3 pts) and watched some TV. I did it! I conquered the "it's 4pm and I only have 2 pts" dilema!!

I've said it before and I'll say it again. It gets easier and easier to stay OP when you do it day after day. Things that seem impossible really aren't all that impossible. Before I would have thought staying OP with only 2 pts left for the day was impossible. Not so!

I'll post my official weight after my meeting...

Here's the soup recipe:


No POINTS® Value Vegetable Soup

Ingredients

2 medium garlic clove(s), minced
1 medium onion(s), diced
2 medium carrot(s), diced
1 medium sweet red pepper(s), diced
1 medium stalk celery, diced
2 small zucchini, diced
2 cup green cabbage, shredded
2 cup Swiss chard, chopped
2 cup cauliflower, small florets
2 cup broccoli, small florets
2 tsp thyme, chopped
6 cup vegetable broth
2 Tbsp parsley, or chives, fresh, chopped
1/2 tsp table salt, or to taste
1/4 tsp black pepper, or to taste
2 Tbsp fresh lemon juice, optional

Instructions

Put garlic, vegetables, thyme and broth into a large soup pot. Cover and bring to a boil over high heat; reduce heat to low and simmer 10 minutes.

Stir in parsley or chives; season to taste with salt, pepper and lemon juice. Yields about 1 cup per serving.

Here's a photo progression. Wow.


June


July


August


September


October

Well I made it into the 150's! 159.2 lbs to be exact. Oh thank God! I lingered in the 160's for way longer than I wanted. I looked back at my weigh in records and I was in the 160's for 6 weeks. That was way longer than the other "decades" I was in. :) I think officially being in the 150's is important for me because it means I'm smaller than I was after I had Fischer. I know I was 147 lbs when I got pregnant with Fischer so I'll shoot for that to be my next monthly goal.

I had my weigh in last night and then came straight home and ate a TON of food. It was a planned binge. But I pretty much blew all my weekly allowance points in one fail swoop. I had a pc of coconut cake, 4 oreos, several slices of french bread with yummy cheese spread and nutella. Oh and 3 glasses of wine. BINGE!!! But I don't feel bad because it wasn't an emotional binge fest- it was well calculated. And I accounted for everything that went into my mouth. That's the beauty of Weight Watchers. Nothing is off limits. If you want to have a night to just eat, you can. I don't do it often, but every once in a while it's a neccessity. It actually helps keep me on plan. Knowing that I can eat whatever I want within reason.

Well October is a busy month for this family. Ed's birthday is the 13th. My mother in law's is the 10th. Fischer and mine is on the 25th. Then Oct 28th through Nov 4th we're going to the beach with some friends of ours. (I know- beach in Oct/Nov doesn't make sense- but it's free and it's a vacation) Luckily these friends know I'm on Weight Watchers and I really don't have any worries about staying on plan while there. For my birthday I've asked for money to spend on clothes! I can't wait to get some new (smaller) things.

Well, I've had a week of sleepless nights here lately. Both my babies are sick and my girl seems to be teething as well. So I've not slept well at all in the last week. I wish I could crawl into bed and sleep the day away. Maybe one of these days I'll get smart enough to go to bed early.

I'll post some new pics soon of my size 8 jeans!!

I broke the curse! I'm down 2 lbs. I weighed in at 160 lbs exactly. Dang I wish it was in the 150's, but that's ok. Next week will be it. Witnessed another friend at my meeting get to goal tonight. So motivating....

I also have a non scale victory to share... I bought a pair of size 8 jeans and they fit! They fit real good. In fact- I might have to buy another pair because my 10's are a bit baggy. Oh I cannot express how good that feels. I visualized myself months ago getting into a size 8 jean for the Fall and I've done it! I was a size 14 when I first visualized that.

One of the "tools for success" that Weight Watchers talks about is "anchoring." Learing how to visualize something so strongly that it helps you in the moment to do the right thing and focus. It worked!! I feel sooooooo good! I had lunch with a friend Sunday and we were walking around in the mall talking about "life" things. I just kept saying how much my life has changed since getting on this Weight Watcher path. It's been so long since I've had the focus to visualize something and accomplish it. I used to pride myself at being able to do that when I was in high school. I was athletic, creative, fun loving...I just loved being a woman. Then something happened and I slowly lost my luster. And then once it was gone, I just kinda embraced myself as I was. And while that sounds relatively healthy- it really wasn't. I think I just talked myself into settling with something I wasn't at all happy with. I could have easily settled into adulthood as an over weight woman. Heck- I could have rationalized it and accepted it. But I know I would have never really been happy with that part of me. And it was that realization that triggered me to do this. Life is too short to gain and lose the same 5 lbs and lament about my body. I'm tired of feeling sorry for myself and half way doing a diet and then giving up. I can't tell you how relieved I am to have finally tackled this and am on the right track.

I got a hair cut today. I was feeling so "saucy." I just told my hairdresser to do what he wanted. I love it! I kept my length, but added layers and bangs. Feels good. I tell you what also feels good. To not decide on a hairstyle in correlation to my body size. You girls no what I mean.

I'll post some new pics soon. I need a good one with my new hairstyle and new SIZE 8 jeans!!!

Oh no!!!!!! Had weigh in last night and I was up .8 lbs! What? I knew it would happen at some point. Everyone has a gain every now and then on this journey but I still don't like it. :( The only thing I can think of is that I ate out a lot this week and didn't drink as much water as I normally do. It was a crazy busy week. I also ate a lot of Lean Cuisines which have a ton of sodium- which shows up on the scale (especially if you're not drinking a lot of water). Anyway, I was really bummed after I weighed in and then sat down for the meeting. But then my friend who just reached her goal last week told me she gained a couple times too. She said the week after she gained, she had a big loss. So hopefully next week will be a good loss for me. We'll see...

On the upside- I went shopping with a friend on Sunday and I tried on a size 8 jeans. They fit!!! They were really tight- but I got them bottoned! It felt so good to get them on. :) I didn't buy them though. Mostly because my birthday is next month and I know I'll be 8 lbs or so lighter and would like to spend my birthday money on new clothes. It was so funny because I really enjoyed shopping. I can't remember the last time I really enjoyed shopping. It was great.

Goal for this week is to drink more water and limit eating out to one time. I'm trying not to get too focused on my gain. It's just so hard when you go from an average 2 lbs loss per week to a .8 gain. Eating in will help me to control the ingredients in the food (which helps me know the actual points) and portions. I bought a Weight Watchers cookbook called In No Time. There are lots of yummy recipes in there that I want to try.

I'll post another update at next Monday's weigh in. Tootles!

Weighed in last night and was down 1.2 lbs since Thursday! It was nice being back at my regular meeting. And I was so glad I went because one of my friends got to goal! She looked great and she couldn't stop smiling. I clapped so hard for her when she went up to get her keychain. I can't wait to get to my goal (135 lbs). I just gotta keep doing what I'm doing.

I tried a new recipe tonight that I got on a card at my meeting. Kiwi-lime pork chops. SO good and only 5 points! Bascially you just broil the pork until done. Then on the side in a bowl you peel and dice 2 kiwi, add crushed pineapple (in it's own juice), juice of one fresh lime and as much cilantro as you want. I put it in the food processor for a couple seconds just to blen it more- but you don't have to. It was a nice, clean, fresh meal. Nice change. I also steamed some broccoli and sauteed some fresh spinach with garlic and onion. All zero points and packed with nutrition. After dinner I had 9 points left! So I had some chips and salsa and a Smart Ones dessert. I love those days that get away from you and you end up with a bunch of points to splurge on.

Maybe next Monday I'll in the 150's!!!

Here are some updated pics. Man- I'm getting there aren't I? YAH!

I was 162 even this morning when I took this pic.




















Here's a comparison shot. It really motivates me to see it. I'm 184 lbs in the first shot

Went to weigh in on Thursday (not my usual meeting day but I wanted to get in a meeting this week). I lost .2 lbs!!! Now, I know that's not a lot compared to my average 1.5 -2 lbs per week but I'm counting it as a major success because I was sure I'd gained and I was terrified to get on the scale. There's nothing like a vacation with ALL FOOD FREE to blow you diet. But when there's a will, there's a way. I made a way to lose. I'm really proud of myself.

The leader (not my usual leader) talked about how we give ourselves permission too much. "It's my birthday." "I'm going on vacation." "I've been good so far, might as well have a few days and splurge." Sooner or later that permission turns into a month long binge fest. I could so relate to that. It was funny she talked about that because I was able to share how in the past I've always given myself permission on holidays/vacations to blow my "diet." And I shared how I planned well to not blow it this time AND I still ate food I loved. I'm finding that if you plan well, you can do Weight Watchers any time, anywhere. You just have to be determined. Before "being determined" meant missing out. At least that's how it seemed to me. But now I plan and then the stress isn't there when the food is in front of my face. Sure- while in the Caribbean I thought: "Ya know? I think I just ate too much. Or I probably shouldn't have ordered that margarita." But that's all part of the journey. You just pick back up and make the best decisions you can.

I'm planning on weighing in at my normal Monday night meeting. (Even though I just weighed in on Thursday) I miss everyone and miss my leader. I haven't seen them in 2 weeks. She's so motivating. And a friend of mine there is really close to goal so I hope I didn't miss her reaching it. I want to celebrate with her! I'll post the results. This morning I was 162.4 lbs That's a pound lost since Thursday. I wouldn't be surprise if I lose a lot because I'm getting back to my normal eating routine and drinking a ton of water.

My goal is to be 155 lbs by Sept 31st. We'll see.... I will say my size 10's are getting awfully baggy!!!! YAH!

I'm back from the Caribbean!!!! And....I maintained my weight! It would have been great to lose- but I knew that would be especially hard. We were at a 5 star resort and had all our meals paid for. I tell you what- it was sooooo tempting not to order fries. For some reason that was the biggest temptation. For breakfast I ordered the tropical fruit plate every morning. It came with fresh mango, pineapple, grapes, cantelope, and honey dew melon. It was so juicy and yummy! It made it easy not to eat the pastries. For lunch I stuck with salads with chicken. Dinners I'd eat grilled fish, lobster and shrimp. SO yum. The seafood is so fresh there. One night I let myself split a chocolate cake with my mom. That was good but I honestly found myself full after a couple bites. It was so rich. I tried my best to keep track of points- but it's so hard not knowing the ingredients and portions.

I got back yesterday and I got right back to business. I even had an extra point left last night and didn't spend it. SHOCK! I got on the scale this morning and it said 164 lb even. I'm going to try and make it to a meeting tomorrow night. I really need it. My leader is so motivating and inspiring. I need to jump start back into my routine again.

I'm now comfortably in my 10's. In fact some of my 10's are just slightly baggy!!! I can't wait to get into 8's. Hopefully by next month.....

I'll post after my meeting tomorrow night.

To follow up on my weird day... I got on the scale this morning and it said 163.7 lbs. That's 5 lbs lost in 2 days! My body must have been retaining water or something. But- I feel MUCH better. One thing I did the last two days was really up my fruit intake and up my water. I think that helped get me back to where I was. I know this is TMI, but I think I lacked some fiber in my diet (if you know what I mean). Fiber is a girl's best friend.

Last night I went out to dinner with my friend Monica. We went to the Spotted Dog on North Ave- VERY GOOD! I had 2 glasses of wine and a chicken ceasar salad (dressing on the side). It was very yummy and I stuck to my points! Anyway- I had just done a load of laundry and washed all my jeans earlier in the day before I went. We all know what jeans do in the dryer. They shrink a size! I knew this before putting them on. I thought: I'm gonna have to do a lot of squats to make them wearable before I go out. Well guess what? I put them on and they fit without multiple squats! I know that's a small thing- but it's also a big thing to me. One step closer to a size 8.....

We leave for our trip to the Caribbean on Tuesday! I cannot wait! I'm a little nervous about my eating habits while there. I've never really been able to maintain a diet of any sort while vacationing, so this will be a new milestone for me. But it's a reality of life, so I need to learn how to do it without blowing it! I had a talk with Ed about it and he's agreed to keep me accountable. My goals are to try and stick to fruit in the mornings (those 5 star resort breakfasts are lethal!!) and something lite at lunch. That way I can spend my points on dinner and drinks in the evening. I can't wait for the kids to see the beach and play in the water. I'll have to post pics. Fischer is beside himself. He's anxious to see JuJu (my mom) and Doo Da (my step dad). And then we're going to surprise him with a plane ride AND the beach! Phew!

I weigh in tomorrow night (monday). I'll post the results.

So I'm having a weird day. I got on the scale this morning and it said 167. That really bummed me out because I was 165 at my meeting on Monday (5 days ago). I've stayed within my point range so I'm kinda upset that I've appeared to gain. Now, granted, I never count my weight officially until weigh in- so I'm not "counting" it yet- but still bummed. The only thing I can think of is that I saved my Weekly Allowance points to "blow" on a BLT sandwich and french fries at OK Cafe. That was last night. Maybe it just hit me wrong.

Anyway, those two pounds sent me back into my old thinking. I looked the mirror and felt "fatter." Even though I'm comfortably wearing jeans that were way too tight a month ago, I seemed to look bigger. I know it's all in my head. I think I'm just having some momentary motivation loss. I haven't gone over my points, just seem to be reaching for easy foods instead of what's nutritious. I know I haven't been drinking enough water. I've had a very busy, exhausting week. Me and the kids have sinus colds, aren't sleeping well and just grumpy. So maybe that's it. I dunno. I just need to get it out on this blog. If I keep it in my head- I'm liable to get too down and then binge. And I refuse to go back to that place. One thing I'm learning is that this journey does not come without your normal stumbling blocks. It's just a matter of how you handle them. So- I want to handle this differently and talk about it -rather than pretend everything is going great- ya know? Before I probably would have said: " I need a break. I'll just eat what I want this weekend and then start back Monday." Monday would turn into Tuesday. Tuesday would blend into another week. And so on. That way doesn't work. As much as I'd rationalize it. So- it's plan A, A, A. Stick to the original plan and never give up.

I will do this!

I made my 10% goal! I've lost 10% of my body weight since joining back meetings at 184 lbs. 19 lbs down in 2 months! (61 total). I was so excited to get my 10% keychain last night at my meeting. My leader made me stand up front and talk about what has made this journey so far successful. I basically just said sticking to the plan (never cheating essentially) and coming to meetings is the biggest thing. Before when I did WW- I never went to meetings. I see now how that worked against me. Those meetings are an absolute priority for me now. It's what keeps me going. I love weighing in and seeing the results. It's also motivating to see other's have success and we share our secrets (staying on plan-LOL). I proudly put my 10% keychain on my keys last night. I love those cheesy rewards! I weighed in at exactly 165 lbs even. At the rate I'm going- I could see my ultimate goal come Thanksgiving. 135 lbs! I can't wait. I'm very much enjoying wearing my size 10 jeans. They feel good and fit comfortably (no muffin top). LOL

I'm learning more and more now how it's important to reward yourself with other things than food. My whole life I've thought food was the ultimate reward. Now I'm seeing things differently. I've always celebrated birthdays and other occassions with eating. Eating A LOT! To the point of getting sick even. And that habit pretty much cornered me into not enjoying other things like shopping. Mainly because I hated buying bigger clothes. I hated the way I looked. I hate pictures of myself, therefore I never took any. Like I said before- I lived life under the radar. Not really participating because I just felt icky. I just didn't feel like I was "me." That's why now I'm really making this lifestyle change. I want it to stick. This has become a MAJOR priority.

If I want to reward myself now- I'll go walking alone. Or I'll go get a coffee. Or I'll get a pedicure. There are so many things I can do besides hit the frig. It's truly revelutionary to me. If it's 7pm and I have zero points left and no weekly allowance points left- I get creative. Sometimes that means I reward myself with sleep and I go to bed! lol Sometimes I'll take a bath. Whetever it is I DON'T EAT. It's hard. It's a true test of self discipline.

My next goal is to weigh in at 155 by Sept 31st. I'm gonna do it!

My new long term goal is to be 125 lbs at my 10 year High School Reunion in April 2007. (Am I that old?)

"When you are inspired by some great purpose, some extraordinary project, all your thoughts break their bonds; Your mind transcends limitations, your consciousness expands in every direction and you find yourself in a new, great and wonderful world. Dormant forces, faculties and talents become alive, and you discover yourself to be a greater person by far than you ever dreamed yourself to be. "

Whoo hooo! Down another 2.2 lbs at weigh in! I was a little taken though because my home scale said I was 167.9 that morning and WW scale said 168.5 at meeting. Oh well. I'm getting picky because 166 lbs is my 10% target and I want that damn charm! LOL My goal was to reach 166 by August 31st and I'm pretty sure I'll meet that.

Things are going well. Fischer started a day camp at YMCA all this week and then he starts preschool next week for 3days/week. My baby is growing up!! He's in a tough stage lately. He's really resisting sleep which is new for him. That alone is causing some "stress eating" signals to come up in me. I've really had to reign myself in and stay out of the kitchen. It's worked only by the grace of GOD! Amelia is a sweetheart as always. Her smile alone can keep me going for days. Did I mention how much I love my kids?? They are awesome. I thank God for them everyday. Sure, they have their dramatic days but it's not their fault- they got that pesky gene from their mama.

Not much else going on- just stiking to plan and eating well. Really trying to be aware of my water intake. For weight loss and breastfeeding. When I get low on water- I can see a difference in my milk supply. So I need to stay on that! I feel really good. I can't believe Amelia is only 4 months and I'm already back in pre-pregnancy jeans. It's surreal. It took me 1.5yrs at least to get there after Fischer. I can't wait for Fall. My birthday in is October and I'm asking for gift cards to shop!!! I want some new SMALLER clothes!!!

Ok- here is me in the 10 jeans!!!



And here's a comparison shot from when I first started bloggin.
184lbs168 lbs


I'm on my way to those 6's!

Down another 1.4 lbs! This is so silly but I was actually slightly disappointed. I've had at least a 2 lbs loss each week so I was kinda bummed to only lose 1.4lbs. I know, I know- it's a great loss. I'm just a dork.

I'm 169.8!!! HELLO 160's!!!!!!! I also have a NSV (non-scale victory). I got out my pre-preg jeans (size 10) today to just see how close I am to being back in them. I held them up and thought: "there is no way my ass if fitting in those!" But I tried anyway. Got one leg in, other leg in, button and ZIP! They fit! They're tight as hell and I'm sporting a "muffin top"- but they're on! I'm totally going to wear them today. They're the type of jeans that loosen up as you wear them. We'll see...but I'm sooooooo excited I'm in them!

All is good. Meeting went well last night. The more time passes- the more I'm confident that this weight loss will stick. The plan is getting easier to follow. It's all becoming a habit rather than a "diet" I'm on. It's becoming a lifestyle. Also- I jogged 2 miles the other day! I don't know what came over me but I went to a local park to walk (without the kids) one evening and I just started jogging and didn't stop! It felt so good. I felt like an athlete again (LOL). I used to be so active in high school- I loved physial challenges and was really competitive. I feel that part of me waking up again- it's nice. I've missed "me."

Oh my God! I got on the scale this morning and it said I was 169.8. I haven't seen the 160's since I got pregnant with Amelia. I won't officially count that as my weight though until my weigh in on Monday at my meeting. If I come in at 169 there- that means I'll be 3 lbs from reaching my next goal: 10% of my body weight when I started meetings at 184 lbs. I'm so excited!

One thing I'm dreading (but also looking forward to) is a trip we're taking with my mom and step dad at the end of this month. We're going to a 5 star resort in St. Kitz. It's gonna be tropical and all our food will be comped (EEEEEEK!). My mom is a casino junket so we're all going for free and she will comp all our food. This means lots of date nights for me and Ed and lots of challenges in the food arena. I'm determined to stay OP. Every time I've gone to visit my mom in the past- I cave and blow my diet. She always takes me out to eat and prepares yummy meals- but they are all high in fat and not very diet friendly. This time I need to change my behavior and not overindulge. I told Ed about it and how I'm nervous I'll have a set back and he's going to keep me accountable. Luckily the trip spans over a Monday- so I can use my weekly allowance points twice.

Down 4.2lbs! Okay- so that's over 2 weeks. But still, that's a 2lb loss per week! Whooo hooooo! So I'm at 171.8. I CANNOT wait until I'm in the 160's. I *might* be able to make it by next Monday. We'll see. It's gonna feel so great. At my meeting tonight I got another 5 lbs star. I also got to share how much I've lost total - 54 lbs! It felt good to say it aloud. I'm still mega motivated and ready to be thin! This time next year I want to be a size 6.

One thing I've slacked on is exercise. I'm just so tired. I was able to do a couple yoga and pilate dvds these past few weeks, but that's it. I've slacked on getting that jogger stroller out and walking. I think the heat just bullies me back indoors. But, I know I'll always have an excuse if I let myself. So that will be my next goal: get active!

Fischer is a never ending ball of energy. Maybe I should just follow him around and do what he does. I bet I'd burn so many calories. Kids are funny like that. My baby Amelia, on the other hand, just eats, burps, spits up and poops. Oh, and she smiles all the time. But I'm sure she's not burning calories because she's kicking some serious fat rolls. I'm so blessed to have such wonderful kids. They keep me young and light up my days. They rock! If anything- they are what keeps me on plan and losing weight. I want to be healthy for them.

Finally some pics! I'm at 173 in these pics and those are my "stretchy" size 10s (they fit like all my 12s)! (They look painted on but I had to put them on and take a pic). My goal is to be in my "tight" size 10's here in a few weeks.

Life has been very busy here lately. Monday we bought a car which took all day, so I missed my weigh in. :( Tuesday I ran mad errands with both kids all day and then we had people over for dinner. Wednesday- again lots of errands and a play date. Didn't get home with kids until 7pm (with pizza in tow). Then Thursday I had mom's group at the park. Hot as hell!!! After we drank all our water and sweat it all off- we came home! PHEW. I put kids down for a nap and then went to the grocery store to get stufff for dinner (having people over again). If you're wondering who was home with my kids while I left- my husband works from home- don't call CPS. Got home- made my first pork roast (cooked 2 hours and was juicy!) and then I just sat on the couch and vegged our for a while. I feel like all my days this week have been GO GO GO. But- it does help me stay on plan easier because I'm not bored at home and eating. That's my logic anyway.

I was proud of myself this morning. I went for a piece of Pistachio Marble Pudding cake that I made last night for dessert. I said to myself "I have the flex points- I'll eat it for breakfast- it looks so good!" That's 7 points. I took it out of the container, put in on a plate, poured my coffee, then I actually thought about it. Miracle of all miracles I put that cake back!! (And ate a WW muffin and fruit). That would have never happened before with my old lifestyle. Never. So I consider that a non-scale victory (NSV)- Weight Watchers lingo.

I have a mound of laundry to do and I want to stay in today because I'm sick of driving my NEW car around. Really I'm just cheap and I don't want to fill it up with gas. But my house could use some attention and my baby girl could use her crib for a change. I'm sure she's sick of her car seat.

I think I'm going to weigh in on Saturday (even though my regular meeting is Monday). I'll just go again on Monday. I need to get in a meeting "this week" to stay focused. My weight this morning was 172.4 lbs. We'll see. My weight has a tendency to be all over the place in one day. I can't wait until I get in the 160s!

Missed my meeting Monday. We bought a car- which ended up taking all day and then Ed needed to work on a project late. So I'm going to try and squeeze in a meeting or at least a weigh-in some time this week. Maybe today...

Gotta run! Will post weight here soon....and a picture if I can ever get my husband to upload it and send it to me.

They fit! Ok- so Old Navy had a sale a month ago and there was a really cute pair of jeans (size 12) that I bought. I knew I wouldn't fit into them just yet but saved then as motivation to keep losing. Well this Thursday I randomly tried them on. They fit! And not just "I got them buttoned," but I actually wore then out and they even have a little room in the butt! Whoo hoo!!!

I got on the scale this morning and I was 173.5 lbs. This means I am 8.5 lbs away from my pre-Amelia pregnancy weight. That was one of my first goals! I'm almost there and I can hardly believe it. That will be 60 lbs down! And she's only 3 months old. My next goal is to be 155 lbs by my birthday in late October. By then surely I'll be back in my size 10's. Then I'll have to keep an eye out for Old Navy sales so I can buy some 8's as motivation. I'm sooooooo motivated. I don't think I've truly stuck with something this long without falling off the wagon a couple times and setting myself back. Right now I'm averaging a 2 lbs loss per week! I can't wait for Fall! I can't wait until all my clothes are too big for me and I HAVE to go shopping. hee hee

I HAVE to get some pics uploaded. It sucks cause my iphoto is not working. I'll get Ed to load the pics on his computer here shortly. Now all I need is the time to do it....

Feeling good....

Woohoo! Down another 2.4lbs! It was somewhat surprising because the night before weigh in I had a really stressful evening. At dinner I biggie sized all my portions to double or triple. I didn't binge on junk- just basically ate two meals. And even though they were healthy choices- it was double the calories and points. Anyway I got all down and thought: "Here I go- falling off the wagon...." But then I talked to a friend and she whipped me back into shape. She reminded me how good I look and how much I've lost since having the baby. I decided to start over (in the moment- not the next day) and luckily I'm back on track. :) I made myself journal what I ate and calculate the points. Normally I would have just skipped that and started fresh the next day. But I think it helped me to see the points written down on a quick binge. How that can affect your weightloss- even if it's not bad food. My leader said that if a person ate an extra 100 calories a day than they needed-in a year's time they' will have gained 10-15 lbs. That was eye opening. That's an orange! You can over eat on fruit and still gain! Wow.

Anyway- I weighed in at 176 exactly. That's 49 lbs gone forever! Good stinkin' bye! That's 41 lbs gone while doing WW on my own and 8 lbs gone since I joined meetings. 10 more lbs and I reach my 10% goal!

I can't wait for Fall. I'm focused on wearing a smaller sized jeans when the leaves turn gold. (How cool would it be if I were in a size 8!!!) My son and I share a birthday in late October. I'm visualizing myself thinner and celebrating my birthday with my son. I'm also looking forward to not avoiding pictures. It's funny how small things are stolen from you when your weight is an issue. You avoid pictures, you avoid buying cute clothes because you're always waiting until you "lose weight," you are constantly comparing yourself to skinny people, and it's my theory you generally live life on a level 5 instead of a 10. It's like you don't really feel like yourself because you feel "under construction" all the time. So there are lots of reasons for me to keep going. I just have to anchor myself and let each day pass and have faith in the plan.

One thing I'm noticing is getting quality sleep helps me stay on plan easier. When I'm tired and stressed- I'll reach for higher point "easy" foods right when I wake up. But if I'm well rested I tend to eat more fruit and make healthier choices.

My car is in the shop so I'm stuck at home today. I'm going to do some things around the house and take it easy. I've been in "go" mode for a couple weeks now. I need to slow down and chill. Now if only the toddler and baby will cooperate...

It's funny how your old self can creep back up when you think you've some so far. I haven't fallen off the wagon (I'm still staying under my daily point allowance) I'm just not picking the healthiest foods. I find myself reaching for 100 Calorie cookies or Weight Watcher cakes and ice cream instead of fruits or veggies. My main goal in all this is to adopt a healthy lifestyle not just substitute cookies for fat free cookies. I also haven't been motivated to do any exercise lately. Before the last 2 weeks I had been walking at least 3 times a week and doing some yoga/Pilates dvd's at night. Now I'm just so tired at night I want to veg out. But I need to remember that exercise gives me energy. I think the best time for me is either in the morning with the kids or at night without the kids. I nurse my daughter at night around 8pm and then put her to bed. Ideally that would be the best time for me to go walking (and my poor, neglected dog Annie). I know I crave exercise somewhere inside. I like the "alone" time and the good feeling it gives you. I was an athlete in high school and I loved being active and challenging myself physically. I miss that. I'd like to just be generally more active. I've been making lame excuses too. Like: "I don't feel like pulling the crap out of my trunk and putting the double jogger in there." Now how lame is that? Heck- the calories it takes to do all that is a benefit too right? lol

I think the trick with exercise and working it into your daily life is to not think of it as this big separate event you HAVE to do. If I could just be "active" for 30 mins a day I'd accomplish a healthy balance of exercise. I enjoy walking, jogging (when I work up to the shape it takes to do it!), yoga, pilates, jazzercise (cheezy- but love it!). I just need to think of it as "me time" instead of a chore. My husband plays football with a bunch of guys every Saturday morning. The man looks forward to it every week. Yet when he's done- he looks like he ran a marathon! But- because it's "his thing" -he doesn't look at it like a chore. That's the mindset I need. Well- and the fact that I'd like to do it more than once a week. It's also hard being a nursing mother. I can't really leave her more than 2 hours because she needs to nurse. (Sometimes more frequently in the evening). But, see, there I go again-making excuses.

So- here are my exercise goals:

Go walking at night- either alone, with dog, with family, whatever!
Do a yoga dvd to help relax me and energize me 3 nights a week.
Stop making excuses!!!!

On the upside- my weight keeps coming off. I was 176 lbs this morning. That's awesome! The plan really is working. I do find the "tools for living" that Weight Watchers stand by are great. My leader went over one of them: anchoring. How to pull yourself back and anchor yourself from over eating and going off track. It has really worked for me. Like if I start feeling an urge to over indulge or getting frustrated that I have to stay within a certain amount of points- I pull to my memory a picture of myself as I want to be. I visualize a pair of size 8 jeans fitting great on me by Christmas. I visualize myself being thin and active with my kids. I see myself being happy with my body. It really pulls me back into focus and keeps me on track. Sometimes I get overwhelmed by the amount of time it will take to get the weight off. Ya know- how us chubby girls will do the math and try to calculate how much weight we can lose by a certain month? Anyway- sometimes it discourages me. "6 more months of counting points!!!" But then I use time to work for me. Like- "Time flies by. See how much time has passed with Christmas?" That's how much time it will take to be a size 8." After all- time keeps on slipping into the future right? ( ha ha) So why not stay with my plan and go along with it. I'll only set myself back by getting off track. It's worth it to stick to it.

As soon as I get my stupid iphoto back up and running- I'll post a progress picture. I really have slimed down some. I've had a lot of compliments on my face and how it looks slimmer. And I'm fitting into clothes easier- so that's motivating.

Peace out!

Down another 3 lbs!!! I got my first five lb star. And I achieved my first goal- to be in the 170's by August 1st. I'm 178.6!!! Weight loss is going great. My moto has become: You can do it. You just start and keep going. That pretty much helps me stay focused. Keep going...

My leader said something interesting tonight. She said that a study within Weight Watchers said that if a participant (who attended weekly meetings and stays on program) makes it to 16 weeks- they are usually in it for the long haul. So- that's my goal. To make it to 16 weeks (without missing a meeting). 3 down, 13 to go!

Must run...

I need to update a new progress pic. Will do that soon..

Down 2.6 lbs! Had my 2nd weigh in Monday the 3rd and was happy to find out I lost. :) YES! Here's to hoping next weigh in I'll be in the 170's!! I threw out my old scale and bought a Weight Watchers scale (I know, I know). I weighed myself this morning and it said 177.8. I hope that's right because that means I'm ahead of the game. We'll see next Monday for the official weigh in. I love my meetings. The leader is great and the women there are so inspirational. Several women (and one man) just reached their goals and lost tons of weights. It just makes it feel that much more attainable, ya know? The 4th of July was scary for me- as I was nervous I'd blow it. But I didn't- I ate all my daily allowance points and all my flex points but I didn't go over! So now I just have to stay under those 34 pts a day this week and I'll see another loss. I tried on some pants today and they fit looser. That's always nice.

Mini goals for this week:
Increase fruit intake
Increase water (flush out toxins and any sodium that I'd take to the scale)
Increase activity

Long term goals:
Be in the 170's by August 1st!
Reach 10% (a total loss of 18 lbs) by August 31st!
Get back to pre-pregnancy weight (165lbs) in September
Get to my pre-pre-pregnancy weight (weight before Fischer's pregnancy- 145lbs) by my birthday -October 25th
Never quit! I'm worth it.

I'll post my loss on Monday!

Phew! It's been busy here lately. Having two kids has definitely put a dent in my internet time. :) By the time I get them off to bed- I'm so exhausted I don't want to think or write.

I've spent the last few days trying to reflect and find that part of me that knows I can do this. It's hard being a yo yo dieter. You've tried everything, sometimes twice, three times over. So embarking on a new journey feels silly and even foolish. "There she goes again, doing a different diet every week." But what I've realized is that someone who has stuggled with weight problems and then conquered it rarely did it on the first try. It was probably a result of years of struggling and then BING! That magic x factor clicked and it worked and stuck. I feel like I've got that x factor right now. It's almost like I can already see myself thin again. Like there is nothing in between the 180 lb me and the 135 lb me. That's the first time I've truly felt that way. It's incredibly simple: follow the plan and the weight will come off. It's a "one day at a time" type thing.

This week has been going well. I've had lots of meal surprises. Two nights in a row someone invited us over for dinner. I felt myself panic each time. I was scared that would be all it took to sabotage my plan. In the past I would have said: "screw it- I'm gonna chow!" But this time I was able to limit portions and stay OP (on program) while still enjoying dinner out. I found myself trying to not focus on my meal- but on the people. To really have a good conversation and not be buried in my food. On a practical note- I asked the person what we were gonna have ahead of time. So I was able to look up the points before hand and made sure to note the portion and stick to it. I even had a glass of wine to go along! :) I love that about Weight Watchers. You can plan your day in such a way that you can really indulge without blowing it. So far this week I've only used 2 Flex Points. I'm proud of that. That was my goal for this week- to limit my flex. I'm making sure I'm getting in my fruits and veggies as well. Unlike the previous ways I've approached Weight Watchers- I'm actually thinking in terms of health- not just weight loss. That way I'm not eating a bunch of empty calories all day.

I keep remembering something my leader said last week. Everyone is always looking for the secret to weight loss. We see it on magazines, in spam email, on the news.... Thing is- there is no magic pill. It does not exist. The key is to stop making excuses and start now. Not "Monday" or after the holidays.....NOW! You don't have to go to the gym and workout everyday to be skinny. If you folllowing a healthy eating plan and just try and be active 20 mins a day- you've discovered the long, lost secret. That's it.

My second weigh in is this Monday- July 3rd. I can't wait to post my loss!!!

First weigh in at my Weight Watcher's meeting and I'm exactly 184 lbs. Which sucks because my home scale deceived me and told me I was 179 lbs. Oh well- I knew it would probably be wrong. I'm debating about throwing my scale out all together anyway. I weigh myself a couple times a day and that can't be good. Anyway, I really liked my leader. She was very motivating and charismatic. She lost 80 lbs on WW years ago and looks great. There were tons of people there (about 50 I'm guessing) and I met a couple moms there that were in my same boat. One thing a lot of women kept say though was that they never used their flex points. (For those not familiar with WW- you're aloud a certain number of points per day based on your height and weight and then any extra 35 points called "flex" that you use through out the week if you wish). The fact that so many said they didn't use their flex left me feeling kinda down- because I used every bit of my flex the last 2 weeks. It's so nice to get a craving and know you can splurge if you have your flex. I think I'll play around with them and see if I can just use half my flex points this week. I'm so motivated to get in the 170's now so it would be nice to have that extra boost in weight loss. Plus- I really do get to eat a lot.

Here's what I ate today just to give you an idea:
Breakfast:
Weight Watcher's chocolate muffin (3pts)
1 cup grapes (1)

Lunch:
Spicy Blk Bean Burger with mozzarella cheese/spinach/tomato (6.5pts)
100 cal doritos snack pack (2 pts)
Left over brussels sprouts (0 pts)
WW carrot cake (1pt)

Snack:
1 slice wasa crispbread with 1 wedge laughing cow light cheese (1pts)
8 slices turkey pepperoni (1pts)
1 cup berries (1 pts)
Tall Starbucks nonfat, no whip mocha (3.5 pts)

Dinner:
Lemon Chicken Lean Cuisine (6 pts)

Snack:
1/2 Quesadilla (1 whole wheat tortilla, 2 tbsp Guiltless Gourmet Blk Bean Dip, 1oz mozz cheese)- 5 pts
1 WW carrot cake- 1pt
100 calories cookie - 2 pts
1 no pudge brownie- 2 pts

No too shabby eh?

Well today was nice. Ed let me sleep in until 9am (when the baby woke up) and I fed her and then took my 2 yr old to Starbucks to get a mocha. Fischer gets a chocolate milk and I get a mocha- it's our little tradition. A fat free, no whip grande mocha is 4.5 pts and I'm totally willing to spend them because I LOVE mochas! We got home and got ready for church. Good sermon. It was about money and how to be good stewards of your money. But I kept feeling like it was for me in relation to food. Kris (pastor) kept saying "slow, steady, hard work pays off." I'm such an instant gratification girl that it's hard for me to stay committed to something if it doesn't have an immediate pay off. Alas! There's my problem with diets! I love them when I get that initial big loss and then I get bored and think there has to be the "next best thing" just around the corner. In the mean time I fall off the wagon and gain back the 5-7 lbs I just lost. *sigh* Anyhoo- it was just a good reminder of sticking to something and being patient. I read somwhere that it's important to "have faith in the plan." That's a revelation for me- I tend to lose faith in the plan easily. It will work if you stick to it. It's that simple.

After church we went to Willy's Mexican Grill. I tried to look up points prior (I knew we were going there after church) but couldn't find it on Dottie's site (www.dwlz.com) or any nutritional info on Willy's site. So I looked up another Mexican Grill and it averaged 15 pts for a veggie burrito. So that's what I got. Plus a diet coke, plus chips (roughly 3 pts). I let myself spend those points because I love eating out after church and that's the only time we really go out to eat. Tonight I'll make a 2-3 pt soup for dinner and a salad. Then a snack at bedtime. I spent all my flex this week already. My flex points renew Monday so I have to stay OP (on plan) today and not go over. No exercise today. It's pouring rain here and I'm tired anyway. I jogged 20 mins yesterday and my muscles are sore. I think they need rest. I'm still trying to find a Weight Watchers meeting that will work for me and baby and Ed's schedule. I have to sneak it in between feedings and Ed's work. Most of the one's near me are at 6:30pm or during the day. And I can't really see myself dragging my 2 yr old and infant to a day time meeting- so it's either 6:30pm on a week night or an 8am meeting on Saturday. I think it will be the 8am one. As much as I want to sleep in- I also want some time for myself and that meeting weekly. I guess I'm mulling over it so much because I don't want to skip around- I want to stay with the same meeting each week so I can get to know my leader get connected.

I've been on WW now for 2 weeks. According to my scale I've lost around 5 lbs. But my scale sucks and is always off. So I have no idea how much I actually weigh. This morning my scale put me right at 179 lbs. That made me happy because it's always nice to be out of one range and into the next lowest. Hello 170's! My mini goal right now is to be 175 by July 4th. It's June 25th today- so that's 10 days away. I wonder if I can.....

My goal for this next week is to try and avoid my flex points. This past week I gobbled them up quickly. It's kinda like having a savings account- it's not good to be constantly taking money out of it. I'd rather wait until the day before my flex renew and maybe use half and splurge. Besides- I'm nursing and I have 34 points a day to work with. That's a lot. In reality- I don't need the flex. I can usually do pretty well and not feel deprived if I spread my points out sensibly. My other goal is to drink 5 16oz bottles of water per day. I'm drinking easily around 4. I figure 5 would be even better and keep me hydrated and keep my true hunger in check.

It's incredibly hard for me to post a picture of myself right now. I'm 180 lbs (8 weeks post partum) and let me tell you, 180 lbs seems to look better when I look in the mirror and not so much when a picture is taken. I specifically wore a tank top so that you can see my arms. I used to have the best arms- thin, but toned. Now I avoid showing them. I want that to change. I want to be able to put clothes on and not think about my arms. Now- my post partum tummy is another story. I'm throwing around the idea of a tummy tuck as my ultimate reward for getting to my goal (130lbs). But I'm not sure if that's something I can go through with. Surgery scares me and of course it will cost ya! But regardless-I'm on this path come hell or high water. The good, the bad, and the ugly. It's all part of the journey. The weightloss started 2 months ago when I gave birth to my daughter Amelia. I was 225 lbs right before I delivered. I lost the first 25 lbs leaving the hospital. The other 20 lbs has been due to nursing and a month on Jenny Craig. I opted to do Jenny Craig because I knew they had a nursing mother's plan and I knew I didn't have to think a whole lot. I just ate was on the plan. I did well. Lost 20 lbs. But since it was 20 lbs for $20- I stopped once I lost the 20 lbs because I didn't want to pay more money to join. So Weight Watchers it is! I know in my heart it's the only plan I can really see myself on for the rest of life. Lord knows I've tried them all. Atkins, Jenny Craig (twice), The Zone, Fit For Life (food combining), The Maker's Diet, plain old calorie counting, yada, yada, yada. I definitely get points for creativitiy and diversity. Unfortunately none of them were plans I could be on forever. And- the more I think about it WW is not so much a "diet" as it is a guide. It's a lifestyle. I joined WW (Weight Watchers) the first time before I got pregnant with my first child. I loved it and lost 15 lbs (which was all I needed to lose). I was somewhere around 145lbs (size 8). After I had my son (gained 60 lbs) - I got back down to 165 lbs (size 10). I lost the pregnancy weight with a mix of things- breastfeeding, doing WWs online, and practicing some intuitive eating (only listening to your hunger cue- not paying attention to WHAT you eat). But- I know I could have lost more if I had actually stuck to WW daily.

So here I will document my journey as it happens. Part of my reason for blogging is to keep me on track. It helps to get things out and reflect. It also helps to be accountable to those that read the blog. I was so inspired by another woman who had virtually the same high weight and goals as myself. She blogged her journey (www.noonefamily.com/ww) from day one and I read every journal entry. It boosted my motivation and only confirmed that I can do this. This will be my third time joining Weight Watchers and I want it to be my last. I've decided just doing it online doesn't keep me going. So-though I've been on WW for 2 weeks now- my first weigh in will be this week. Wish me luck!