Ok, I had a revelation last night. For months now I've felt cornered in by limitations with my food. Whether it was points or certain foods I had to avoid- I felt boxed in and I think it has something to do with my desire to binge. I've been reading a book called "Lose It For Life" and I have to say it's "reading my mail." Basically it encourages intuitive eating and healthy choices. There are no "rules." It isn't a diet, it's more like a philosophy. They even says it's "doable" with Weight Watchers. I was particualary hit by the "emotional hunger" they talk about. How to distinguish physical hunger from emotional hunger. The more I read, the more I felt like this book was describing what I've been struggling with the last few months. While they say you can apply this mindset with any diet, they do add that being on a "diet" only reenforces the binge mentality. Which makes sense. And so the more and more I'm reading this, the more and more I feel like I'm cheating on WWs. LOL And while I credit WWs with helping me lose the bulk of my weight, I feel like I need a fresh approach. I need to work on living this out and not just adhering to rules. So, I talked to Ed about it and told him my fears of going off WWs and doing this and how I was worried I was just trying to find another "magic pill," yada, yada, yada. He actually thought it was a good idea. He knows me well and said that I get in ruts when I'm not able to change things up. And right now I'm definitely in a rut. I feel like my whole day is dominated by what I'm going to eat, where I can eat and how much I can eat. But what I really desire is freedom from this. I want the freedom to stop thinking about food. I want the freedom to eat anything I want (within reason) and just stop when I'm full. And this is basically what Lose It For Life is promoting. There are no gimicks or food guides, no counting or "off limit" foods, but simply teaching how to eat normally and in moderation. And that's really what we all need to learn.

So, I'm giving it a try. I'm doing it for 3 weeks and I'm just going to see how it works. If I feel like it's not working or I gain- I'm back on WWs. But, I think I owe it to myself to find something that works for ME. Afterall, this weightloss thing is a foward journey where I have to adapt to what works. So, here I go!

The family went to Flying Biscuit this morning for breakfast. It was so nice. I felt so free and had zero stress or guilt about ordering what I wanted. It was such a nice feeling. And I listened to when I felt full and quit eating. There was half my food still on my plate, but I really was content.

Anyway, here's my tracker so far:

Flying Biscuit Breakfast Plate: 2 eggs, 1 wheat biscuit, apple butter, chicken sausage and grits. I had half of everything. :)

Mocha from Starbucks

Chicken, spinach and goat cheese quesadilla (1/2, 1 tortilla) Left about a 1/4 of it on my plate because I was full. IT WAS GOOD!

I'll update with the rest of the day later. :)

So, if I'm missing in action for a few days, you can safely assume I'm up to no good. I had an emotionally hard week last week and couldn't bring myself to eat at all. I got on the scale at one point and was 139 lbs. And then last Sunday I felt better and started to eat again. I think the starving and then eating screwed up my metabolism. I got on the scale this morning and it was 144! I really suck at this maintainance thing. *sigh* Then last night we had some people over for poker and I had my "game plan" of fat free popcorn and diet ginger ale to snack on. I snacked on that and then someone came that hadn't eaten dinner, so they ordered a pizza. I had no feeling of hunger or even wanting pizza until it came and I ate 2 PIECES!!! WTH??? It's like I have the momentary lapses where I eat and don't think. It made me feel really awful. I get so mad at myself and then feel like I'm falling off the wagon. You know those studies your read where people lose a bunch of weight but aren't able to keep it off and gain it all back and then some? I'm terrified that'll be me. So everytime I slip up, I fall into that mind set of feeling out of control and slipping back into my old self. Like I'm simply a statistic.

I'm due for my period in a couple days, which could explain the icky bloating and gain, but it certainly doesn't explain all of it. I know I need to once again reign myself in and just start fresh. I'm such a numbers person. If they scale says I've gain, then I eat like I want to gain. If it says I've lost, I'll stay OP rather effortlessly. One thing I'm learning is to not rely souly on the scale. But rather how I feel. If I eat like butt, well then I'll feel like butt. If I eat well, I'll feel better, have more energy and have a good outlook on everything. So why would I choose to eat awful when I don't have to? That, my friends, is the biggest mystery of all.

Today has been good. I've sort of experimented with Core again. Mainly because I'm tired of feeling so bloated and on Core I felt better- even though I was lacking my staple endulgences.

Here's my tracker so far:

Breakfast:
All Bran cereal
Skim milk
1 sliced up banana

Lunch:
Chicken Salad from Pangea. It come with carrots, fresh ginger, fresh, roasted veggies and a yummy vinegarette.

Snack:
Nf, sf Latte

Dinner:
I'll probably make some vegetarian chile with avacado and Fage yogurt to go with. Oh- and a fresh tomato from my garden!

I can do this.... I know I can.

Doing much better. I was in a funk and was having a hard time even eating. I didn't really count points at all. Which, looking back was probably a good thing. I needed a break. My weight has stayed put. Today is Monday and a new week.

I'm off to the gym for my first attempt at fitness again since my toe drama. Body sculpting. I'm looking forward to it. Then, we're going out to dinner with some friends to a pizza place. I've got lots of points left so I'll get a salad and pizza. :)

Here's my tracker:

Skipped breakfast (too busy)

TJ's Mid East Feast (pre prackaged thing with pita, hummus, tabouli, and some other dip thingy)= 9pts

1 slice pizza=7 pts
1 salad=5 pt


That leaves 3 pts to have a treat later.

I'm in a rut. Surprsingly, it's not a weight related rut. I'm down to 139 again according to my scale. I think I'm in a life rut. Food is still an all dominately thing in my life. But I kinda had this revelation two days ago that there is something that is causing this to happen. There is some whole I'm trying to fill. And so the last two days I've actually had a hard time eating. I've had a horrible stomach ache. I don't know if it's nerve related or purely physcial. I just feel unrooted and over everything. I'm tired of counting points, I'm tired of wanting to run and not being able too (damn toe), I'm tired of cooking, I'm tired of thinking, I'm tired of being tired. *sigh*

I have this need to get in the car and just keep driving. Maybe I'm having a mid life crisis at 29. ? I read little pieces of "The Five Love Languages For Kids" at Barnes&Nobles a couple weeks ago and was really excited to give back to my kids what they're specific love language is. For Fischer it's "quality time." But then I thought: what kid doesn't want quality time? So I've been playing with him on the floor. Making lots of eye contact, having undistracted conversations with him, doing puzzles, etc. And it occured to me that I never got that as a child. I know my parents did the best they could. But I don't remember having consistent, long, undistracted attention. They worked full time. I was always in sports and had a very busy life. But when things slowed down, I was anxious. I do remember going to food in those moments. Eating comforted me. Made me feel full and loved. I also remember everyone telling me to eat. I was an athlete and burned everything I ate up. I remember hearing my mom say: "She eats all the time and doesn't gain an oz." a lot. And I think I just prided myself on that through highschool. I specifically remember eating an entire pizza in front of my friends just to prove I could eat a ton. I was this toned, thin, size 2-4 girl that ate like a football player. Then around my senior year I began to gain a little. It freaked me out. By college I had put on 30 ish pounds. It never really occurred to me to diet until my sophmore year in college. Enter Atkins diet.... Lost 20 lbs. Got married. Enter Vegan diet. Lost 20 lbs. Got pregnant. Gain 65 lbs. Continue eating like a football player. Lose some of the weight, but not all. Get pregnant again. Eat like a football player. And then start this blog and join Weigh Watchers. And here I am. I lost all my weight, feel good. Back down to highschool size (kinda) and yet here I am more bewildered and confused about food than ever.

I just wish for one day I could not think about food and what to eat. I wish I was born with that chromosome that says: "Hey, I'm hungry, I'll eat and then stop when I'm full!" What a concept. You'd think with all the technology in the worlds that they would have discovered the "secret" to food related issues. But, then again, the truth is there isn't a secret. It's either a thorn in your side the rest of your life, or it isn't. I, obviously, fit into the former.

I almost didn't post because I feel so weird lately. But I figure, this is real and this is life, no sense in pretending. To help lighten things up, I'll post a pic of my friend and I dancing in my living room the other night. That made me happy. :)

Well, I'm feeling a bit better. My "nubbin" is feeling ok and the pressure is starting to decrease. I'm really bummed that I can't be as active as I want to. I think I'm going to get some pilates dvd's and focus on my core while my toes are healing. :)

So I weighed in this morning at WWs. 139.6 lbs. My leader pulled me aside and said: "Look Jen, you look great. You're well within the range of what is healthy for your height. How about we call 140 lbs your goal and you can lose more if you want, but that way you don't have to keep paying us." I was like: "OKAY!" So, my plan for tonight is to get all dressed up and celebrate my goal weight at my night meeting. I'm going to print out my "big" pictures so that I can show how far I've come. Then I just need to weigh in at or within 2 lbs of 140 lbs for 6 weeks and I am officially a lifetimer!!!

Yipeeee!

Here's my tracker so far:

WW muffin: 3 pts
Mocha: 3 pts

Left over homemade Chicken-Curry-Coconut Soup: 5 pts
2 slices sourdough bread: 4 pts

I have 7 pts left for supper. I'm going to pick up something after my weigh in. I might splurge with flexies and get a big burrito from Willy's. I might not. We'll see what I feel like....

Today started off fun. I got a sitter for the kids and planned to spend the whole day garage sale hunting with my friend. Well I chose not to take my friend's advice and was moving some furniture with flip flops on instead of shoes. By some freakish turn of events, furniture ended up ripping off my big toe nail!!! OUCH! MEGA OUCH! Emergency room OUCH! It was awful. I called my friend whose husband is a Doctor. He's an angel and saw me at his house. He gave me a local shot for the pain in my toe (I don't know what hurt worse: the toe or the shot). After a minute my toe was better. Well enough to attempt to bandage it and salvage the toe nail bed by putting the nail back on. I was having visions of having a "nubbin" the rest of my life. Just painting the skin to make it match.

Long story short, I'm on crutches and vicodin. I had no idea breaking a nail would be so dramatic.... Unfortunately this means I can't run the Peachtree Road Race next Wednesday. I cried and cried. I've been working towards this for months. It really upset me. :(

Anyway, I do not recommend breaking your big toe nail off. It brings on more baggage than you'd think.

*sob*

Well, the day is stirring with possibilities. I'm sipping my coffee that I've had to warm up twice due to children summoning me all over the house. It would be ideal to sit on my couch and read my new book that I got, but somehow that is impossible with the little ones. What to do today.... Usually I go to playgroup at the park, but it's hot. Too hot. Then I was thinking of taking the kids to the YMCA pool, but somehow the idea of me going solo with both my kids at a pool makes me panic. But, the idea of being locked up in my house also makes me panic. LOL Perhaps I should stop overanalyzing what I should do and just do it!

Last night I met up with my best friend (and new business partner) to paint and stage our antique booth. Yes, that's right, I'm officially in the antique business! There's a cool place in East Atlanta Village called East Atlanta Art and Antique Bazaar (http://www.eastatlantavillage.net/east_atlanta_art_and_antique_bazaar.phtml). They basically rent out booths on a monthly basis for people to sell their antique/art finds. It's a cool antique place with a folky flare. Monica (bff) and I have been talking about starting our own business for years now. We both love the "art" of finding rejected furniture, fixing it up and living with it. We're both artsy and have an eye for staging and designing rooms. So, this seems right up our ally. We're sort of holding our breath and jumping into this new "business." Anyhoo, we're stepping it up a notch and learning to spot out anitques via garage sales. Our first, official hunt will be this weekend. We'll be hitting roughly 20 garage sales (we've already plotted it out) on Friday and Sat. Phew!

So that's what I'm up to. I think staying busy really helps me stay OP. I'm less likely to graze and can usually find something WW friendly while out and about. I know people always says it's hard to eat out and stay OP, but that's not the case for me. Find me a Subway or Chick-fil-A and I'm golden.

Well, I'm planning on earning some APs today. Whether it through running or taking a workout class, I'll do it. I have a meeting with a doula client tonight, so I need to get the exercise in before then! :)

Today was rather uneventful. Dentist appointment at 8:45am. Then met some friends at the park to let our kids play. Ed called and wanted to meet us for lunch so we all went to Chick-Fil-A. I could eat there every day. I love that place. I got a Chick-Fil-A sandwich (the good fried kind) for 9 pts. Totally worth it. Luckily I made it to a Total Body class at the Y that is worth 4 APs. Man, that woman kicks your butt!

So, I've decided that I'm going to stop feeling guilty about indulgences. As long as I have the points, I can have it. I think the guilt feelings lead to binging. Just one of my working theories... Anyhoo, I'm going to use flex like I used my flex when I started this whole weightloss thing. :) So after dinner tonight I had a big bowl of Breyer's Mint Chocolate Chip icecream. I LOVE that icecream. I've been craving it for a while and it's been so hot outside so I treated myself. 12 pts. Again, totally worth it. :)

Here's my tracker (It's been an indulgent day with no fruits and veggies, so don't judge me! LOL)

grande mocha 4 pts
sandwich: 9 pts
brownie: 1 pt (sample bite)
ww cake: 1 pt
chips: 6 pt
Cheese dip: 4 pts
icecream: 12 pts

Total: 37 pts
APs: 4pts
Used: 33 pts

11 Flex Used

Today I woke up at 8:15am. Was out the door with both kids by 8:30. Went to Starbucks, sat and had a discussion with Fischer about rainbows. The kids had vanilla milk and I had my mocha. It was a sweet moment. But it only last for a second and then Amelia wanted to get into things. Off to the park! We got to the park and I put the kids in the double jogger. I ran the loop of the park once with the kids (2 miles) and then we played. Fischer and I played tag and Amelia and I played "Mom makes sure I don't fall to my death off the slide." Good times...

Then to weigh in..... I'm down! .4 lbs! 140 lbs. I'm slowly creeping back down. It might take me a whole year, but by God I'm going to be 135 lbs! LOL I will! Couldn't stay for my meeting- my kids were kinda spastic and I didn't want to subject the other meeting goers to that. So we hopped in the car and I cruised to R.E.I. looking for this stroller: http://tinyurl.com/2fkhkx. The Mountain Buggy Urban! I wanted to actually see it and try it out. Unfortunately they didn't carry it. :( I'm trying to be more flexible in my running and taking the kids with me would be much easier on my family than me always needing that hour to run. Problem is, when you're really running, you need a sturdy, but easy gliding stroller. You also need it slim enough to get by on city sidewalks. My current one is not. I have to get off and on the sidewalk while cars are zooming past me. And while I like the front swivel wheel, it's not sturdy. This other "super" stroller has two front swivel wheels, making it more sturdy. It also has an easily adapted infant carseat holder. Just in case..... :)

Tonight I'm going to a Braves game with my hubby and two friends. My plan is to eat before I got and maybe have a light beer or something while I'm there. NO EATING! I promise. I'm 100% accountable for NOT EATING there. There are no healthy options and I'm sick of blowing my flex on stupid food I don't even really like. :)

Sundays get me in trouble. They're the day before my flex points renew. They are usually busy days with church, eating out, family birthday get togethers..etc. Today was no different. Let's just say I had some cake. Maybe 2 slices. And *maybe* three slices if you count the sliver of a slice I insisted on having before we left my in laws. Oh, and then after that we took the kids to Boston Market to eat dinner. I wasn't even hungry, but I still ate food. Granted, we split two plates b/w our family of four, but still.

What is up with that? How does this happen every single week? More than ever I'm fixated on food. I'm fine until lunch and thereafter. It's like I'm an addict looking for a fix. And instead of being the exception, it's become the norm. Not good. I mean, I basically maintaining my weight. I'm not gaining. But I just noticed a huge shift in mind. I went from this "zen" like state of knowing I would stay OP every day until goal and doing it sort of effortlessly......to "Where the hell is my food bitch??!!!" LOL Boredom or stress sets in and I fill any holes with food. Why? Why am I genetically programmed to eat. Why can't I be like my naturally skinny friends who simply eat with they're hungry and stop when they're full? WHY?

I've thought about this often. I've even discussed with several counselors over the years. What "hurt" am I trying to bandage with food? And why do I believe food will fill any void? I know it won't. I can logically conclude that food will never, ever make me feel better. But, yet I still eat. *sigh*

Weigh in is tomorrow...

Yesterday was good food wise. My kids nearly put me over the edge, but that's a whole other story. We spent the majority of the day at the park. I packed a lunch for us and we camped out there for 3 hours. Came home, napped and then went out for pizza with some friends. I dipped maybe 4 pts into my flex. I had a slice of pizza and a salad. OH, and a glass of wine! I needed it.

Today we are meeting my dad for lunch. He's going to take Fischer for the night. 3 year olds are funny creatures. He was gone for a week with my mom. Came home for almost a week and I'm already looking to ship him off again. LOL My dad's request of taking him could not have come at a better time. Fischer just seems to be eager to test me at every level. Patience is one of them and it's my weak point. For some reason it was left out of my DNA. Ugh.... Hopefully a little break will refresh my energy in my strive for more patience. In the mean time, Amelia is cutting her two upper front teeth and is NOT happy about it. So I've basically got kids screaming at me all day. It makes staying OP even more challenging. BUT, I'm doing it!

Yesterday was a day of rest for me. No exercise. Today I hope to get something in. I'm so unmotivated with running lately because of the heat. But I know I need to get out there because I have a 10K race (Peachtree Road Race) coming up that I need to be prepared for. So, my plan is to either run 4 miles outside today or do 2 miles on the treadmill and one body sculpt class at the YMCA. We'll see.

Here's my game plan for today:

Tracker:

Breakfast:
ww muffin: 3 pts
coffee: 0 pts

Snack: Fruit and yogurt: 2 pts

Lunch: (eating at Applebee's)
WW french onion soup: 4 pts

Snack:
Mocha: 3pts

Dinner: (grilling out here)
Turkey Meatloaf: 4 pts
SOme green veggie: 0 pts

Total: 18 pts

That leaves me with some flexibility.

Hiya!

I had this beautifully long post written out and then one of my childen closed the page and I could not recover it. Then I was too lazy to hash it back out. LOL

Sunday was not my best day. I was an emotional eating crazy lady. At one point I was scooping the bottom of a Ben&Jerry's carton. It was not one of my best moments. There's nothing more embarrassing that being "caught" by your husband while you eat the last bit of his ice cream that he bought for himself. :( But, it was also kind of funny. It's been a week full of hormones and busy kid life. Luckily the scale is staying the same. lol

I have a couple blogs I read religiously and Roni's is one of them. She posted an interesting tidbit from an article she read. It was about the "8 secrets of Skinny People." Here they are:

They choose Satisfied over stuffed.

They realize hunger is not an emergency.

They know food doesn’t cure the blues.

They eat more fruit.

They are creatures of habit.

They have a self-control gene.

They are movers and shakers.

They sleep well

Hmmmmmm.... I guess I've worked some of these into my daily routine. When I'm on top of my game I definitely feel like all of these "secrets" are adapted easily. Then I have those bad days. But really, who doesn't? I do believe you can learn these habits and make them a part of your life. I grew up eating, eating, eating and watching everyone else eat, eat, eat. Every female in my extended family is overweight. It's like clockwork, they are slim, fit and then have kids and blow up. My sister and I definitely have anxiety about becoming that. But, I do think I'm very aware of my emotional eating. I'm not perfect, but I definitely don't stay in that state very long before I realize I'm doing something unhealthy. For me, it's the same as binge drinking. It's just as desctructive.

Last night we had two couples over and 2 children. I made blue cheese burgers, corn, baked potatos, and NY strips. I had a blue cheese burger (lean ground beef" and corn. It was very yummy and only 7 points! My friend Anna made cocktails. Pear martini's with sugar rimmed glasses. DIVINE! I think the drinks were 3 pts a piece. I had two and they were well worth the flexies!

The kids were up until 10pm last night. So we're all dragging this morning. I'm praying they take a nap at the same time today so I can lay down and rest. I'm dragging these days. I don't know if it's the heat or what. Running usually gives me so much energy, but with the heat, I'm not running as much. I'd rather do a cardio class at the Y or something. Fall will be good weather to run. LOL It's June and I'm already looking forward to Fall.

I hope to get in some form or exercise today. We'll see. My goal is to earn 3 APs.

Here's my Tracker "plan":

Breakfast:
Weight Control Oatmeal: 3 pts
2 slices high fiber toast: 1 pts
Grande Latte: 3 pts

Lunch:
Baked Potato: 3 pts
2 tbsp ff sour cream: 1 pt
1 corn on the cobb: 1 pt
Spinach salad: 0 pt
TJ's reduced fat cilantro dressing: 1 pt

That leaves me with 9 points left for dinner. I'm trying to "bulk" up my breakfast and lunch meals to reduce the need to snack all afternoon. So far so good. I'm feeling full and it's 11am. Usually I'm starving by now. :)

I'll report back with the final point tally later.

It's 3:15 pm and I'm out of points and flexies! EEEEK! I have been ravenous all day long. Like, uncontrolable hunger. Today is day one of my "lady friend" and its really taking me over. I stuffed myself so I'm actually full and hope to stay full for a while. My plan is to run 4 miles outside or on the treadmill at the Y. That will give me 4 extra points to play with later when I get hungry. Thank God tomorrow is Monday!

Here's my tracker:

Ww muffin: 3 pts
Tall mocha: 3 pts
Toast with sf jelly: 1 pt

Sandwich with ff cheese, ff mayo, ff turkey: 3 pts
Lite Lays chips: 1 pt

Trader Joe's almond bar: 2 pts

Blue Corn chips: 3 pts
Peach salsa: 0 pts
6 oz goat cheese: 6 pts

Total : 22 pts

My tomatos are surviving the heat and I can't wait to eat them! I love, love, love home grown tomatos right off the vine. My first "meal" will be tomatos, fresh basil from my herb garden, some lite mozzerella cheese and a drizzle of balsamic vinegar. YUM!



Today I got flowers for no reason. It makes me giddy. Good husband. :)



Now...onto more food related writing. Last night was Ed's sister's birthday. We went to a Thai place and I got Pad Thai. The whole bowl was roughly 18 pts. I used my flex to splurge. Then I had cake. Again, used my flex. THEN....I met up with my knitting girls and had a few pieces of this amazing cheesy beer dip. Sounds odd, but way good. I got home and calcluated evetything and I still have 6 Flex left for the week! I was thrilled. Good thing I don't have anymore"events" this week. But I'm glad I had my flex back up last night.

Here's my tracker:

Breakfast:
WW muffin: 3 pts
Coffee:0 pts

Lunch:
Lean Cuisine: 7 pts
2 rolls: 2 pts

Snack:
Bowl of grapes: 1 pt

Dinner (weird dinner):
Mocha: 3 pts
1 roll: 1 pts

**setting 6 pts aside for drinks tonight at my friends house while she does my hair**

Total used: 22 pts
Flex used: 0 pts
No ap's earned today- day of rest.

Just wanted to share some pics of the kids from our visit to The Botanical Gardens last week. Fischer hit the ground running and was thrilled that I suggested he take his shirt off and jump around in the fountain. Amelia was happy watching and staying close to mama.

Hola!

Well, the "girls spend the night" was a success. I managed to shove Coke's and icecream down their traps and they think I'm the greatest. We also did nails and hair. I actually had a nice time. Little girls are so fun to talk with and listen to them talk to each other. I giggled a lot.

Anyhoo... yesterday as I pulled into the parking lot of the park, it began POURING. Like, flash floods. So mty 6 miler (which I was really pumpep up for) was a no go. :( Today I went to my "total body" class at the Y. I have a love/hate relationship with it. It's hard as hell, but you feel great afterwards. I also earn 4 pts doing. Unfortunately my little girl was not happy in the child care and I was called out of class halfway through. Oh well, 2 APs earned!

I broke a rule tonight. I dipped into my Flex by 4 pts. And I didn't have to, I was having a "moment" and HAD to eat more "snacks." It was dessert and I had made it specifically to be point friendly. I feel "icky" for over eating, but I have to tell myself that it could have been WAY worse. Good news is that it's all still "OP."

Here's my tracker:

Breakfast:
3 Kashi Blueberry Waffles: 3 pts
Sugar Free Syrup: 0pt
ICBINB (I Can't Believe It's not Butter): 0 pt
Apple: 1pt

Lunch:
Turkey/ff Feta sandwich: 3 pts
Pretzel thins: 2 ps

Snack:
WW Chocolate muffin: 3 pts
Coffee with ff creamer: 0 pts

Dinner:
1/2 glass of wine: 1pt
Flat Out Quesadilla with ff refried beans, spinach leaves, salsa, mozzerella: 4 pts
FF sour cream: 1 pts

Dessert/Snack: (I was jonesing for some serious snacks)
4 Angel Food Cake/Pineapple muffins: 8 pts (I had too much, but they were sorta small and GOOD)
1 WW icecream sand: 2 pts

Total: 28 pts
AP's earned: 2 pts
Used 4 Flexies


Gotta get back to watching "Kathy Griffin's: My Life on the D List." LOVE that show!

I weighed in and it wasn't as bad as I had expected! Only up 1 lb! How the heck did that happen?

I left feeling refreshed and ready to take the bull by the horns. :) It's 4:30pm here now. I've basically sat around all day in my bed (during Amelia's naps) and just chilled. I haven't done that in soooooo long. I ran out for my meeting and a mocha and that was it. Awwww the joy of having only one child. It feels like a vacation.

But, I won't be with only one child for long. My God daughters are coming over for a sleep over tonight. We're doing manicures and pedicures and watching "Mean Girls." I don't know whose more excited: me or them. LOL We're going to take over Fischer's bunk beds and set up girl camp. It's going to be fabulous! Those festivities start at 7pm.

In the mean time..... I'm going running in half an hour. I don't know where or for how long yet. I really should do at least 4 miles. 6 miles if I want to be a show off. After that I may head to the store to get some goodies for our sleepover. What do girls like? Swiss Cake Rolls? Candy? Coke? Their mother would kill me if I sugared them up.

Here's my tracker:

Breakfast:
WW chocolate muffin: 3 pts

Lunch:
Subway Turkey sub: 6 pts
Chips: 3 pts

Snack:
Tall Mocha: 3 pts

Dinner:
3 pt Flat Out quesadilla with ff refried beans, tomatos, spinach, onions.

Snack: (with the girls)
WW icecream sandwich: 2 pts

Total: 20 pts

That leaves me with 2 pts to spare PLUS the 4 AP's I'm planning on earning with the run. So, plenty of room to snack a little.

Good Morning!

Today is Monday. It's weigh in day and Flex Point renewel day! I'm ready to give it my all and start all over with a new goal and new motivation. :) I feel pumped. I'm learning that what makes a person successul at weight loss (and maintaing at that) is not being perfect all the time. But, instead, having the humility to start over and keep trying. Even if it's 20 times in a row. All it takes is one time to "stick."

Here's my plan today:

Weigh in (expecting a gain, but that ok)

Run 3 miles, maybe 6 (3 in the morning, 3 in the evening)

Stay OP!

Put my "big girl" panties on and do the right thing.

I'll post tracker later.

I stuck to my guns! :)

Here's my tracker:

Breakfast:
1 pt WW english muffin: 1 pt
2 tbsp ff cream cheese: 1pt
1 tbsp sugar free jelly
coffee: 0pt

Lunch:
Whole wheat penne pasta: 4 pts
Checca sauce: 3 pts
2 pcs bread: 4 pts

Snack:
Mocha Lite Frappiccino: 3 pts

Dinner:
Boca Chili: 1 pt!! (12 g of fiber)
1 roll: 1 pt

Snack:
2 glasses wine: 4 pts

Run 3 miles= 3 APs earned

Totall used: 24 pts
APs applied: 3

NO flexies used!!!

This has got to stop! Well, here I am on the tail end of a 3 day junk food binge. (Notice how I haven't posted in the last three days) I'm so mad at myself. My mom came in town and it's like my eating habits went hay wire. I wonder if the whole "mother-daughter" relationship had anything to do with it???? The first day she was in town was easy because I wasn't feeling well and didn't feel like eating. Then came... fried shrimp, french fries, bread, cupcakes, bbq pork, baked beans, carb over load! Today alone I had 2 events: 1 picnic and 1 bbq party. I (of course) did well up until dinner. And therein lies the problem. Dinner. That's where my will power fails. Miserably fails. The sun goes down and my cravings peek.

So, I'm going to type out my weight since I've offically crept up, but been in completel denial. I got on this morning and it was 144! That's 5 lbs up from a week and a half ago! Grrrrrr..... I can't explain how mad that makes me. I've worked too hard to get fit to let it all go for freaking fried shrimp!

Alas! All hope is not lost. See, I have this best friend. And this best friend happens to be a therapist. SO I call said best friend and gripe to her about my last week and the frustration I'm feeling. She points out some key things. 1. I'm a super star when it comes to working towards some goal. If I keep my eye on the prize, I get there. On the flip side (2.) I have a hard time when I've reached a goal. I sort of fizzle out and feel unfocused. I'm a person that likes "projects." I like to pick things up, learn to do them well and then move on to the next thing. And so I think I've done this with my weight loss. Ever since I reached 139 I've been unable to really crack that weight. At least not at weigh ins. I looked back at my tracker and I've bounced around that weight since JANUARY!!!! It's June! That's 5 months of messing around and not really staying op seriously. Granted, I've not had major gains at all (well, at least up until the last week), but still.

So after my long phone call with my BFF, I get all this out and feel a little more focused. She knows all the details of the Weight Watchers plan through me, so we figured out a "custom" plan for me. My main challenges are night eating and "events." By "event" I mean any time I'm not in control of the food served. But, since I'm able to "count" on an event coming up, I need to plan. We decided that I will not use my flex points for regular old days. That means no flexies used for last minute brownie binges. Or seconds at dinner. Instead I'll save them for an unexpected event. We have a close knit group of neighbors around and there's always one night a week we end up on the porch with a bottle of wine. That's the best time to utilize my flex points. I need to get back to what makes WW so successful- the flexibilty. If I use it the way it's intended, there is plenty of room for treats. If I abuse the plan, I paint myself in a corner. It's all becoming clear why I've not lost the last 5 months!

Another thing I've decided is that I'd like go back to my original goal of 135 lbs. My leader and I changed it to 139 lbs since I was sticking to that weight. But now that we know why I was sticking to that weight..I think it's time to finish what I started. I WILL do this! I want to do this with the same determination I had a year ago when I started this blog at 184 lbs. If I go by 144 lbs, then that means I have 9 lbs to lose. I can do this. I need to do this.

So, with all this hinds sight, I'm yet again starting over. What else can I do?

Good day today. Went to the Botanical Gardens with the kids. They had a Bug exibit which basically consisted of big sculptures of grasshoppers and butterflies. Fischer totally thought it was a real bug. lol We spent most of the time playing in the fountains and sliding down slides. Then we had our own little picnic. We're going again tomorrow with a friend. Can't get enough..

I'm going to a Total Body class at the YMCA today. I've been twice and it's tough stuff! Boot camp. Seriously. I earn about 4 pts doing it (probably more). Luckily I meet friends there, so it keeps me going even when I don't feel like it. I'm really liking group fitness. I've been running so long that I forget that it's nice to mix things up and exercise with other people!

Totally forgot to post this, but I had to share. Last Friday night we went bowling with some friends. I saw an old college friend (a guy) that my roomates and I hung out with all the time our sophmore year. I go up to him and give him a hug and say hey. Yeah, he didn't know WHO I was! Totally didn't recognize me. I had to explain to him who I was. "Yeah, I'm Jen.?? Roomates with Dee and Betty??!" FInally he remembered and then kept looking at me funny. I know it was because I lost a bunch of weight. I was probably 160 in college. I'm 139 now. Well, that and my hair is long. I wore a short, pixie cut in college. Anyway, it felt good to have yet another person not recognize me. :) It spurs me on!

Here's my tracker so far:

Breakfast:
WW muffin=3 pts
Tall Mocha (nf, no whip)= 3 pts

Lunch:
Turkey Sandwich (made with high fiber bread and ff mayo and cheese)= 4 pts
Grapes= 1 pts
Coke Zero= 0 pts

Snack:
Something around 3-4 pts

Dinner:
Probably grilled chicken with some broccoli and rice= 7 pts

Dessert:
WW icecream: 2 pts

I plan to earn 4 AP's, so I'm ahead of the curve on my points!

I weighed in today and I'm STILL not at goal! Grrrr..... I didn't gain, but I lost just .2 or something like that. Oh well, just gotta keep doing what I'm doing. :)

My day was full of errands, painting my kitchen and running! I made something fun for dinner. Roni's website inspired me to make Zucchini pizza rounds. Just sliced zucchini, sprayed with olive oil and added garlic powder, salt, pepper, marinara and mozzerella cheese. Very good! A whole plate full for only 4 pts.

Here's my tracker:

Special K Cereal with skim milk: 3 pts
Mocha: 3 pts

1 slice pizza: 7 pts
1/2 salad: 4 pts

Zucchini pizza: 4 pts

WW icecream: 2 pts
Reduced fat cheezits: 6 ps ( I was hungry)

Total: 29 pt
AP's : 4 pts
Flex used: 1 pt

Today was a very relaxing Saturday. Ed, being the sweet heart that he is, let me sleep in. It's amazing what 30 minutes to an hour of extra sleep will do! I was refreshed. I got dressed and took Fischer to Home Depot to get some more herbs for my herb garden. I'm addicted to planting herbs all over my back porch. :) We met some friends for lunch and then everyone came back home and took a nap. Ahhhhh..... Then I went out for my 6 mile run. Unfortunately I hadn't eaten since lunch and it was 6pm. After 4miles I was feeling very dizzy. So, I ended up walking back and only did 4 miles. :( I've got to learn to time my meals right. That, and eat more protein! LOL (see tracker below)

After my run I stopped at Subway and devoured a sub, then I head to Sports Authority. I'm due for new shoes and found the exact ones I have now on sale! So I bought some. Also picked up some capri running tights and a halter top. I "get" why runners talk about getting fabrics that keep you dry. Otherwise you feel sticky and on long runs, you don't want to feel sticky. :) You need to breath... I eyed the running belts with the mini bottles of water. I think I'm going to need one soon. If I run longer than 3 miles, I need water or some of that "gel" that Power Bar sells. It's like a packet of gel that gives you a booste. Sound gross, but I see it's point.

Here's my tracker:

Tall Mocha: 3 pts
WW muffin: 3 pts

Lunch: (Taco Mac)
Tortilla: 3 pts
Tortilla chips: 4 pts
Cheese dip: 4 pts

Subway Turkey Sub: 6pts
Baked Lays: 2 pts
Diet soda

Total: 25 pts
Activity: 4 miles: 4 AP's

Ok- my camera is finally cooperating with me! Here are some recent pics. Ignore my dirty mirror.
138 lbs:

For comparison:185 lbs

Man, I actually have muscle! I used to hate my legs. Now I LOVE them! :)

So, I got on the scale this morning and I'm back in the 130s!!! 139.7 to be exact! Oh man, I needed that. I was feeling pretty down about the gain. I promised myself I wouldn't get back on the scale until tomorrow morning. :)

Tonight we're going to dinner with some good friends for a birthday. Sushi! The perfect WW-friendly dish. 4 Large pieces of a California roll is only 3 pts. VERY point friendly. :) So, I'm put together my tracker for the day. I find that if I plan my meals, the day goes smoother.

Daily Tracker:

Starbucks nf, no whip Mocha= 3pts
Special K bar= 2 pts

Subway Turkey Sub (no cheese or oil, lite mayo)= 6 pts
Bag of Lays Lite Chips = 1 pt

Bowl of strawberries= 1 pts
WW chocolate muffin= 3 pts

4 pcs of California Roll= 3 pts
Edamame= 1pt
2 glasses of wine= 4 pts

Total: 24 pts

I plan on running or doing a sculpting class at the Y today. Haven't decided yet, but both will equal 4 APs. :) So I'll have 4 pts to spend on where I see fit.

Been a while! Well, I've had a weird week. One half of the week I was evil and bad. The other half I managed to reign myself in and stay OP! Unfortunately the scale is still showing my evil ways. This morning I was 141.5. Then (which I shouldn't have done), I weighed myself after breakfast and it said 144lbs! What the?! It scared me to pieces.

I think that's the hardest thing about this whole weight loss thing. I see the numder: 144 and think: "That's just 6 lbs from 150lsb!" Then I freak. I get depressed and I fall off program out of pure frustration. Which is silly. I seriously get a panic feeling when I mess up and see it on the scale. And the truth is I have messed up a lot lately. But I got my mojo back the last 3 days and feel good. I had a set back last night and had some cheese dip with bread- but I planned for it and I think I traded points equally. And I'm exercising every day. So hopefully I'll be back to my old 138 lbs self in a week's time. :)

Here's my tracker:

Special K Bar=2 pts
Mocha= 3pts

Turkey sandwich= 5 pts
WW pretzel thins= 2 pts

bag of ff popcorn = 4 pts ( I thought it was 1 pt and was very sad when I realized I devoured 4 pts)

soup with flatout pizza (the plan)=4 pts

3 pt snack

24 pts total

3 AP's= plan to run 3 miles this evening

Well, I was only up 1.2 lbs! I was shocked. I really, really did think that I gained 3 lbs at least. Phew!

Yesterday was a good food day. I stayed on Core, used 6 of my flexies for bread sticks with my salad. Then we went to the park in the afternoon and Ed played with the kids while I ran 4 miles. I just felt better. It's amazing what one good day will do for you.

My only food challange this week will be eating Mexican food on Thursday for a friend's birthday. Chips and salsa are my downfall, so I'll need to really save flex points for that, but also refraind from gorging myself.

I'll post tracker later!

I've been in denial.

So ever since the beach I've been on this "everthing I eat turns to air" kick. I ate so horribly and then got home and didn't appear to have gained. So, in my head I felt like I didn't have to be as on top of things. Well, now my beach trip is coming back to haunt me and this past week is raging against me. Ugh. I feel like a bloated cow. It doesn't help that I got my period (that's for all you guys that read my blog). I've just thrown in the towel this week. And as bad as I feel and as unmotivated as I am, I know the key is to talk it out and move forward. This is all part of the process. Yada, yada, yada.

So..as much as I want to avoid weigh in tomorrow (I'm probably up 3 lbs....seriously), I'm going to go. *sigh*

I'm back on Core. I think I did better on that plan and I think when I said I wanted to switch back to Flex, I was really just wanting to eat crap. I pretty much feed my kids Core all day- might as well eat along with them.

It's interesting what your head can do. If you're in a bad frame of mind, you're screwed! And you know what's the worst? All the crap food I've eaten in the last 2 weeks wasn't even worth it. At all. Today I felt so discouraged that I bought a candy bar with the intention of eating the whole thing. I haven't done that in a year probably. It's a hording mentality. And I keep doing that thing I did in the past with diets: "I'll start back tomorrow." I should know by now that is not the way to do this. That mentality does not work. IT DOES NOT WORK! It's funny what lies you'll believe to get what you want in the moment. :)

Good news is that I'm still running. I hit my goal this week. Ran at least 3 days. Next week is the same thing. I love this weather. It's so peaceful to run.

Tomorrow is a new day and I'm going to choose to stop my bad eating habits. It's never too late to stop. And it's also a joy to eat well. I really do enjoy it and I know my body thanks me. So, with that, I bid farewel!! LOL I"ll post weigh in tomorrow.

I weighed in!! I'm happy to report it came to 139.2lbs! So I had not gained 10 lbs while on vacation last week?!! Yeah! Now, if I can just get under the .2 lbs so that I can have an official celebration of goal at my meeting.

Been doing well the past few days. Doing flex again and my oh my how I miss my WW chocolate muffins! LOVE them! I bought two boxes of them at Wal Mart. There's just something about waking up in the morning and having my muffin and coffee together. Ahhhhhh.... I've focused on getting in lots of water and making healthy choices. So far, so good.

I've decided to set a sort of running schedule to keep myself going and being consistent. Monday, Wednesday and Friday I run. Sundays will be my long run days. The "off" days will be optional. I can run, walk, do yoga or strength training. The key is to stay active. I really want to focus on strengthening my running muscles. It was no fun that week I injured my knee. So, hopefully I can reduce injury by building those muscles up. :)

Today has been a nice day. Fischer went to school, Amelia and I went to Weight Watchers to weigh in (me, not her), then I came home and just "played" with the kids all day. I bought this ginormous pool at Wal Mart. Ya know the kind that is 2 feet deep and has it's own pump? Yes, that's what's in my yard. But, I do have a backyard with a privacy fence, so the "tacky" factor is partially hidden. Luckily it's only 5 ft in diameter, so it's not too overhwhelming. My son is a fish, so this summer I'm willing to kill a large circle of my grass to let him have pool time. I get cool mom points for that. Anyhoo, Fischer and I hung out on our deck and pretended like we were at the beach. I read a book and sipped ice water with a straw (it's easier for me to drink a lot of water with a straw for some reason. It's my new "thing") and Fischer threw every plastic toy he had outside in his pool and then scooped it out with his "fishing net." Good times..

Here's my tracker so far:

Breakfast:
WW muffin: 3 pt
Coffee: 0pt

Lunch:
Bowl of Vegetarian Chille: 8 pts (didn't realize it was that much)
1/2 avacado: 4 pts
1 dollap ff plain yogurt: 0 pt

Snack:
WW bar: 1 pt
ww muffin: 3 pts

Dinner:
Vegetarian Lasagna: 5 pts

Total used: 24 pts
Activity points: 4 pts (run 4 miles)
Points left: 2 pts

I'll probably have a 2 pt snack late tonight.

No flexies used! :)

Back from vacation and I barely got out alive! The week was chuck full of Krispy Kreme, hamburgers, fries, fried seafood of all kinds, hushpuppies, cookies, bbq ribs...you name it. Phew! Day one I did well. Day two I was full on stuffing myself every hour. Ugh. But, when I got home the scale only had me at a 1 lbs gain. So I hope that it doesn't catch up with me next week. Oy!

I've sort of been back and forth in my head about continuing with the Core plan. I really love that I don't have to track every last thing, but I'm also missing some of my old staples. I'm really missing being able to eat anything I want. I like the fact that Core stresses "whole" foods, but I'm just feeling a bit "frenzied" by night time- wanting a Smart Ones or a WW chocolate muffin. I can't really eat "on the go" with Core. Oh...what to do, what to do..... I think I might continue eating mostly Core foods, but track them. So, doing Flex with an emphasis on Core foods. That way I can spend points where I want to if I get a hankerin' for something. :)

I've noticed a lot of anxiety surrounding my eating habits lately. I'm trying to get in the habit of this maintainence thing. Unfortunatley I haven't been to weigh in in 4 weeks! There just isn't enough hours in the day. I start to feel really discouraged by that and then I remember that I've had a lot on my plate. It's hard for me to admit that because I've had to have such a die hard mentality of "no excuses" this whole journey. But, when I look back at the last few months, they've been some of the more stressful months of my life. And yet I've been able to maintain my weight. I may not have lost a ton, but at least I didn't gain 10 lbs! So, that said, I'm proud of myself. It's like a seed was planted and I've watched this new ability spring up in me that is capable of moving forward without beating myself up for things. I just have to remind myself of that. That's sort of huge for me. :) It's like my leader says: "It's not about being perfect. It's about progress."

Moving forward... I went to Trader Joe's today and stocked up on some serious Weight Watcher's friendly foods. So delish! I love that place. Ed and I are obsessed with grilling out. We love our new back deck. It's like another "family room" for us. We're out there all the time. My herb garden is growing so well out there that I'm cooking with them all the time. Tonight we grilled shrimp and veggies. And I made some fried polenta with a chickpea/tomato sauce. Big flavor all around!

So...tomorrow I'll start back with tracking points.

Okay, here's some recent pics! I had my 10 year class reunion Saturday night and had a lot of fun. Felt good, young, and drank too much wine. :) Oh! And I ran 4 miles yesterday and my knees were fine! YAH! I'm back to my old self. :)




(These are the "drink too much wine" pics)















Today's Tracker:

Breakfast:
Oatmeal
Coffee with skim milk
banana

Lunch:
WW Cous Cous with chickpeas, diced tomatos, and mushrooms
Avacado

Snack:
NF Latte

Dinner:
Lean Strip Steak
Baked potato with ff cottage cheese
Steamed broccoli with mushrooms and shallots poured on top

Here's a pic of my lunch. It was so pretty, I just thought I'd capture it. LOL




I have some updated weight loss pics but my camera is being funky and won't let me upload them to my computer. I'm working on it....

Time flies...

Well, I've had several days of eating well under my belt and my weight has dropped back down to 139-ish. Phew! It's amazing what having a back deck does. You want to grill out more! So I've been getting my fill of grilled meat and veggies. :)

My life has been nothing put unpacking the last few days. I took a break from that to plant some tomato plants in my new, full-sun, back yard. I planted 4 tomato vines, two sweet pepper plants and some herbs. I've never had luck with herbs before. But I'm hoping they're grow well this time. I planted cilantro, rosemary, thyme, chives, basil and lavendar. *Crossing my fingers.*

My 10 year high school reunion is tomorrow night! How convenient that I'm at my goal weight. :) I would have probably avoided it had I been overweight. That's what being out of shape does to you, you want to miss everything. I'm glad that I feel happy and healthy and excited to see old friends. Tonight my friend Monica and I are going shopping for something to wear to the reunion. Monica is my "What Not To Wear" consultant. Only the best of friends can tell you that something looks awful on you. She's priceless.

I can't wait for next week when there is nothing on the agenda. :)

Here's my dialy tracker for today:

Breakfast:
Oats-n-Flax oatmeal
peach

Lunch:
Whole wheat cous cous topped with lean ground beef, mushrooms and tomato sauce
Mangos

Snack:
Grande Mocha (non fat, no whip)

Dinner plan:
Chicken skewers on the grill
Steamed broccoli

Hola from my new house! We moved in yesterday and are settling in nicely! I'm still pinching myself hourly. I cannot belive this is my house! I have a jacuzzi tub for pete's sake!!!!

On the eating front- yesterday was not my best day. It was pretty difficult to eat Core foods on the go. SO I pretty much ate crap. Pizza, sub, donuts, chips, you name it. Good news is that I probably earned some APs to even things out. :) Bad news is that I got on the scale this morning and it read 143!!! I was just 139 two days ago! What gives??? Oh well...moving forward.

I went running Sunday and hurt my knee. So I'm trying to hold back on running for a week to give it some time to heal. I'm really bummed too because my last few runs felt almost effortless. Might be time for new shoes...

I'll post later with my daily tracker.....

Tired, as usual....

Here's my daily tracker:

Breakfast:
whole grain cereal
skim mlik
banana

Snack:
grande mocha (2 pts used)
1/4 PB&J (3 pts)
1 clementine

Lunch:
whole wheat cous cous made with chicken broth and diced tomatos
ff sour cream

Snack:
ff/sf chocolate pudding

Dinner:
Grilled chicken salad with ff vinegarette

Snack:
1 bag ff popcorn

Busy day. Doing well with Core. Still learning the ins and outs. Ed took a half day and we went out with the kids to run errands and then eat dinner. We went to R. Thomas and I had to get their wings! So good!

Anyway, here's my daily tracker:

Breakfast:
Whole grain cereal
skim milk
banana

Snack:
Grande Mocha (count 1 pt)

Lunch:
TJ's grilled chicken skewers
cous cous (2 pts)
corn/green beans

Snack:
ff popcorn

Dinner:
R Thomas grilled hot wings (counting 8 pts for skin and sauce to be safe)
Grilled veggies
Blue cheese dressing (3 pt)

Snack:
edemame
sf/ff pudding

Well, I packed my scale, so I have no idea where I stand! LOL I switched to Core seriously last week and after reading further into what are actually Core foods and what aren't, I realized I ate lots of non Core foods this week! So, I'm sorta expecting to maintain or gain a little. Mainly because I ate all my Flexies this week too. I found a great site to help me answer my questions about The Core Plan. Here's a link if you're interested: http://jopax.home.mindspring.com/id15.html

I was paid a visit by my montly friend this weekend. Good times.... That explains my massive snack attacks the last week. Also my icky, bloated feeling I've had for a couple days. I keep telling myself: at least I feel gross and bloated in a size 4 and not a size 14. One bad day can sometimes make me feel like I've gained all 60 something pounds back.

The last few weeks have just been so crazy. Selling and buying a home is not for the faint of heart. I'm tired, grumpy, and ready to be in my new house. That way I can stop using "moving" as my excuse for generally being off plan. lol This limbo state doesn't suite me well.

The weather was awful this weekend and I couldn't get in my long run in. :( This is when I wish I had a treadmill. It would be so nice to have the option of running after the kids are in bed. *sigh*

Here's my daily tracker. Even though I'm not counting on Flex Plan, I still would like to be accountable.

Breakfast:
Whole Grain O's
FF milk

Snack:
FF latte
orange

Lunch:
Willy's steak salad (lettuce, blk beans, steak, olives, cilantro, onions, roasted red peppers, avacado,ff sour cream and salsa for dressing)
Diet coke

Dinner:
Chicken breast
Brown rice
avacado

Snack:
1 bag ff Kettle Corn popcorn

Did 4 miles today! Karyn and I traded off and watched eachother's kids while the other ran. I think that's going to be the key to training for this 1/2 marathon we're doing in October. Oh yeah, did I mention I'm doing a half-marathon in October? :)

I earned 4 APs so I spent them at lunch when Ed took me and Amelia to one of our fav restaurants called Salsa. Cuban food. Delish! I got a Roasted Chicken dish with steamed veggies. I spent my APs on chips/salsa. I tell ya, chips are a major trigger food for me. :) But luckily I had to pick Fischer up from preschool so I couldn't over do it.

We're moving in a week. I'm slowly settling into panic mode. I'm hoping my running will help offset my nerve. Right now I feel like the poster child for Irritable Bowel Syndrome. Yeah, that's right, I went "there."

c

Still running when I can in the midst of packing.

Here are some pics from my afternoon run the other day with my friend Karyn. This is the 3 mile leg I do. City running is interesting.






Well I had a gain after my Easter Fest at my weigh in. But I'm glad I went to the meeting and faced the music. A friend at the meeting has been having the same issue with losing the same 3 lbs for months. We decided to switch to the Core Plan this week. I can already tell a differene. I feel "cleaner." Less processed foods makes you feel so much better. So I've successfully done that all week. So I'm expecting a good weigh in next week.

Happy Easter Weekend!

We celebrated Amelia's first birthday today with my family and boy did I chow down! Yikes. I just got caught up in all the festivities. I didn't stuff myself, just ate high fat foods. Went to brunch this morning and had eggs benedict, then had hot dogs (ff) and coleslaw and chips for lunch. Then the same for dinner. Oh, and did I mention I also had to have a piece of my delicious carrot cake with cream cheese icing that I made for Amelia???? And vanilla bean ice cream???? I can't remember the last time I had ice cream. Anyhoo, I definitely feel like I didn't make wise choices, but I didn't binge by any means, so I'm proud of that. I think I got it out of my system, so tomorrow's Easter festivities won't be all that tempting.

I haven't weighed myself since mid week. I hope I'm on track. If not, I know the right thing to do is forgive myself and move on. That's the only way to do it. I'm getting used to this whole maintainance thing. It's weird. I sort of suspected that I'd feel a little more freedom to eat "no no" foods this week. All my hard work over the last 11 months has paid off and I'm settling in to enjoy it. I think I just needed one day I could avoid points and just have the freedom to splurge within reason. I'm certainly not intending to eat like this all the time, but once in a blue moon, you have to be able to eat the "no nos." :)

Tomorrow I'm back OP! I'm sure there will be temptations, but I'm a big girl and I can wear my "big girl pants" and have some self discipline. LOL Ed got tickets to The Masters so he'll be gone all day from sun up to sun down. So it's Easter with the kids alone. :( But I know Ed loves it and those tickets are nearly impossible to get, so I'm trying to be a good sport about it. We're planning on meeting up with Ed's family, so I'll have some help. I won't be able to get a run in tomorrow and that's one thing I really want to do.

I reached goal!!!!! I weighed in a 139.4. You're probably saying: "Wait...isn't 135 lbs your goal?"

Well, kinda sorta. See, I talked to my WW leader about this darn 2-3 lbs I kept gaining and losing since January. She suggested that I adjust my goal to 139 lbs. She thinks my body is leveling off and said that if I'm in a size 4 at 5'6", I'm at a good "skinny" weight. It's smack dab in the middle for what's recommended for my height and it's something I can realistically maintain. So, after thinking about it, I decided to officially change it! So, I'm officially starting maintainance with WW!!! Now I'm still planning on following the plan as I have. I wouldn't mind getting down to that 135 mark. But, with my goal adjusted, the pressure of losing quickly is now removed. And once I maintain 139 for 6 weeks, I don't have to pay WW's anymore!

So after my meeting I went to Marshall's to check out their spring dresses. I have my 10 yr reunion this month and need something "knock out." :) I found some cute things, but decided not to buy anything just yet. Then I was pleasantly surprise by my friend Tara who spontaneously called me to see if I wanted to have a late dinner with her. I was starving! So we went to one of my favorite places here in Atlanta called R Thomas. Great, organic food. Big flavor and mostly healthy. They make these free range chicken wings (grilled) that are to die for! We split a wing plate and got some hummus and raw veggies on the side. Perfect dish!

Phew! I feel like a load has been lifted off. I feel good. I'll have to get an "at goal" pic posted up here shortly. :)

Daily Tracker:
Special K Bar: 2 pts
Apple: 1 pt

Snack:
WW muffin: 3 pts

Lunch:
Salad topped with:
chicken: 2 pts
Mozz cheese: 2 pts
green beans: 0 pts
tomatoes: 0pts
Cilantro dressing: 1 pt
Whole grain chips: 2 pts

Snack:
Handful of goldfish: 1 pt (?)
Mocha: 4 pts
sf, ff pudding: 1pts

Dinner:
Grilled chicken wings: 15 pts (estimation)
hummus: 2 pts
veggies: 0 pts

Daily Points: 36 pts
Flex used: 11 pts
Ap's earned:3 pts

Is it Sunday already? Wow, the week has flown by. Anyhoo, I'm pround of my efforts this week. I really did reign it in and I have kept myself in check with pickng the right foods. And my scale showed it thise morning. But my official weigh in is tomorrow.

I went to the park yesterday and attempted to run 6 miles. I don't know if it was my allergies or a cold coming on, but by mile 4 I had to stop and walk the rest. It was still a big accomplishment, but I really, really wanted to get another 6 miler in. I have to start upping my mileage each week to prepare for the Peachtree Road Race in July. I'm very excited about it. It's a big race and one that Atlanta is famous for. So I'm gearing up to do well, time wise, on that 10k. Only problem is that it's on July 4th and I cannot imagine how hot it is going to be. With the summer heat and humidity coming back into Altanta, I've got to start eating the right foods and getting my water in. Otherwise, I'll be up a creak on my runs. But, so far, so good this week.

I got into another pair of size 4's and I'm way thrilled about that. It's kinda of surreal. It's just so weird being in this body now. I'm just so used to never really feeling quite right in anything, so to be able to wear all the cute trends now is just amazing. I think running is really doing a great service to my body. My muscle tone is good and I feel much "tighter" everywhere. And, hey, that's always a good feeling, right?

So, I'm getting closer and close to goal. Unfortunately it's taken a snail's pace getting there lately, but I'm so close. I think last week was the last straw on my slacking. I took a look back at my WW's weigh in records and realized I had been gaining and losing the same 3 lbs since January! What!??? That just pissed me off enough to get serious. I experimented this week with eating more Core foods. For those that don't know, WW's has two plans. The Flex Plan and the Core Plan. The Flex is what I've been doing: counting points. The Core Plan is a non-counting plan where you are limited to certain foods. Luckily both plans let you enjoy those extra 35 Weekly Allowance points each week. So, this week I've been sticking to mostly Core foods, but still counting them. I think it's helped me tremendously. I just feel lighter. Know what I mean?

Anyway, here's my tracker for today. Ed and I have made a rule that we're eating in every day for all meals this next month to save up money. We just eat out too much. SO, staying on plan has been easier for that reason too.

Daily Tracker:
Oatmeal: 2 pts
Apple: 1 pt

Lunch:
Trader Joe's Turkey burger: 2 pts
Whole Wheat Bun: 3 pts
FF Swiss: 1 pts
1 oz Pretzel Thins: 2 pts

Snack:
Mocha: 3 pts

Dinner:
Trader Joe's Vegetable Lasagna (made with whole grain pasta): 5 pts
Salad with lite dressing: 1 pts

Snack:
1 (Yes, only one!) cookie: 2 pts

Points used: 22 pts
Flex used: 0
AP's earned: None (day of rest here)

Today was nice. I took the kids to meet my dad for lunch at Roasters. Got roasted chicken breast, green beans and a sweet potato. I was good! Then.....I went to Trader Joes. Oh. My. God! I love that place. Coolest stuff ever! Love, love, love it. Really point friendly, creative, prepared meals. Anyway, Ed's at a hockey game tonight and I'm with the kids solo. Just got them bathed and Amelia to bed. Fischer is now watching Spongebob Squarepants... :)

Here's my tracker:

Breakfast:
Oatmeal: 2 pts
Apple: 1 pts

Lunch:
Chicken: 3 pts
Sweet Potatoe: 3 pts
green beans (with butter): 2 pts

Snack:
FF cottage cheese: 1 pt
Mango slices: 1 pt

Dinner:
Romaine (o pts) topped with:
1/4 cup black beans: 1 pt
A little chicken breast:2 pts
Asparagus: 0 pts
Tomatos: 0 pts
Cilantro dressing (Trader Joe's brand): 2 pts
Pita chips: 2 pts

I ran 3 miles right before dinner, so that gives me 3 APs

Total: 20 pts
Flex used: 0 pts
AP's earned: 3 pts

I think I'll have another snack later. I'll keep it under 5.

Meal Planning.....

I've decided to be a litte more proactive about planning my meals. That worked really well for me in the beginning of this journey, so I'm resurrecting that approach. We're eating in a lot more these days to save some cash, so this should be relatively easy to plan.

So, here's my tracker for today:

Breakfast:
PBJ= 3pts
Latte= 2pts

Lunch:
Kashi Meal= 4 pts
Roll: 1 pts

Snack:
Apple= 1pt
string cheese: 2 pts

Dinner:
Rotisserie "crockpot" chicken: 3pts
Wild rice: 3 pts
Spicy black beans: 2 pts

Snack:
WW muffin; 3 pts

Total: 23 pts


I plan to run 3 miles, so that will bring my points down to 21....I'll update with final points.

Okay, here's my tracker. We had a double date with some friends. The plan was to get wings at Buffalo's Cafe and then go bowling. Unfotunately the bowling place was packed with leagues. :( So we ended up going to a local bar and playing some pool. :) But I was good at dinner and ordered a salad that was actualy quite good! I have one of Ed's wings. :)

Daily Tracker: Tuesday March 27th

Breakfast:
Special K bar: 2 pts

Mid-Morning Snack:
PBJ=3 pts

Lunch:
French Onion Soup=2pts
1oz mozzerella cheese (part skim)= 2pts
2 rolls: 2pts
pretzels: 1 pts

Snack:
Orange: 1pt
Special K Bar: 2 pts

Dinner:
Fajita Salad: 10 pts
Sour Cream: 2 pts
1 wing: 2 pts
16 oz Newcastle on draft (heavenly)= 4 pts

After dinner drink:
Rum drink: 2 pts

Total points: 36 pts
Flex used: 14 pts
APs earned: 0 pts

So I had weigh in yeseterday and I was releived to find out I was only up 1.6lbs. Seriously folks, I thought it was at least 3 lbs. Phew!

I had a good, OP day yesterday and plan to do the same today. I'll report back with my tracker...

My Saturday started out with the best intentions and then by the time I got into bed last night I had had 5 pcs of pizza total yesterday. I ate it all day! I was on the go all day and I 100% grabbed that pizza with an emotional intent behind each bite. Feels yucky. In fact, this whole way of eating seems to be creeping up way more often than I'd like.

I'm stuck at 139-142 lbs and I can't break through. Well, I can, but I'm choosing not to by over eating and letting old habits dominate more. For some reason the resolve I had to lose this weight is slipping away. I hear it's really common for that to happen the last 5 lbs, but I still feel like I'm failing. For the first time I'm starting to let one bad meal turn into one bad day. Whereas before I'd just get right back to plan at the next meal. And then I caught myself actually considering not eating at all Sunday to "correct" the bad eating that's occurred this week. And we all know that's not the solution. I can't believe I even considered that.

Tomorrow is weigh in and I really don't want to see a gain, but I'm afraid it's too late. I have to forgive myself and move on. I've got to get in a good, solid week. I'm using my daily tracker less and less and that's not a good sign. I'm also grabbing "little bites" of the kid's food and it's adding up. This has got to stop. I know I'm not going to gain the weight back. I even thought about moving my goal weight to 140 lbs, but I think that would be a cop out. I can realistically get to 135 lbs. It's a reasonable weight for my height and it's totally attainable. It's just a matter of doing it. I think this might the be hardest part of the weight loss. I know I have what it takes to make it happen, I just have to find it deep inside.

My only goal for this next week is to write everything that goes into my mouth down on my daily tracker. And to write it as I eat it, not at the end of the day. I know I can do this, I just need to get back to what kept my OP in the beginning. I'm going to be honest with myself about the points I'm eating.

On a good note, I'm still running and really loving it. The last few runs I've had were really hard, which was new for me. Lately I had been feeling really good during my runs. But the last few have felt "heavy." Nonetheless, I've still laced up my shoes and hit the road, so that's good. Today is Sunday and I'm hoping to run at the river near me for a change in scenery. Maybe I'll do 6 miles....maybe just 3....we'll see.

Thanks for listening.

****UPDATE*****

I ran 6 miles! It was tough when I hit the 3 mile mark and thought: "Well, I could stop now but..." But I did it! Felt good. Especially after my crappy week.

Size 4! Yeah, that's right, size FOUR! I'm so thrilled. I went to The Gap last night with a friend because I had a feeling I might get into a 4 and I needed something to spur me on to goal. I got into a 4 in three different pairs of jeans! That makes me officially a 4, right? LOL








The past few days have been good, balanced days as far as eating goes. Sorry I haven't posted my daily trackers. I'll try to get them on as soon as I can.

Here's today's so far (dinner is up in the air).

Breakfast:
Special K bar= 2pts

Lunch:
Pita chips=4pts
Hummus=2pts
Carrots= 0pts
Grapes= 1 pt

Snack:
WW muffin= 3pts
Grapes= 1pt

Dinner: ? (9 pts worth of something)

I plan on running after Ed gets off of work. 3 miles baby!

Happy St. Patrick's Day!!!

Today was a non tracking day as far as food is concerned. I had a birthday breakfast and tried my best to choose wisely. I was so full from breakfast that I didn't really eat all day long until 5 pm. Then I had a cheese sandwich. I spent most the day packing up books and clutter for our move next month. Everyone makes fun of me because I jump the gun on everything, but at least I get it done right? RIGHT! lol All that to say, I've been moving around all day and just trying to make the best of a day that got away from me point wise. Good news is that I didn't binge, just didn't track. I'm right back on it tomorrow!

Never made it to weigh in this week. But I'm not too worried because my scale has me with a good loss. I'll be sure to get back to my usual weigh in on Monday. We'll see what my official loss is...


Here's my "guess" Dailly Tracker:

Breakfast:
Scrambled egg whites
2 chicken sausage
2 biscuits
1 small bowl grits
coffee galore

Snack:
coffee

Dinner:
Cheese sandwich
pretzels

Water, water, water...

I forgot to post my daily tracker from yesterday:

Breakfast:
NF yogurt: 2 pts
granola: 3 pts

Lunch:
Carrots: 0 pts
Hummus: 2 pts
Chips: 3 pts

Snack:
Cocoa Via bar: 2 pts
Waldorf Salad: 5 pts (big bowl)

Dinner:
Turkey Sub from Subway: 6 pts
Baked Lays: 3 pts

Total: 26 pts
Flex used: 0 pts
Ap's earned: 4 pts

I ran 4 miles!!!

Pictures from my race!!!!

If you see a Girl Scout around, please smack her.

Ugh.... I went to visit my grandma today with the kids and while I love seeing her, I know I have to dodge offers of sweets all day long. I should have taken my points calculator, along with my daily tracker, but I forgot. Nonetheless, I'm posting my daily tracker so I can face the music. I ate every one of my flex points for the week and it's only Tuesday. How pitiful is that? But, on the upside, I can still have a successful week if I stay under my daily allowance. It doesn't have to be a disastrous week. :)

My main challenge will be a breakfast I'm going to on Saturday to the Flyn' Biscuit where they have these amazing biscuits and grits! So I'm going to have to really plan and earn some APs to have some good food.

Daily Tracker:

Breakfast:
Fiber One bar: 3 pts

Lunch:
Turkey and Cheese Sandwich: 4 pts
Lite Ruffles Chips:4 pts
4 baby sweet pickles: 2 pts
Waldorf Salad: 4 pts

Snack fest 2007:
4 Thin Mints: 3 pts
6 Samoas: 9 pts

Dinner:
Spaghetti with meat sauce: 5 pts
3 (yes THREE) pcs of garlic bread: 15 pts (if I had known it was 5 pts a slice I would have passed LOL)
salad: 3pts

Total:52 pts!!!!
Flex used: 32 pts
Aps earned: 0 pts

I ended up staying at my grandma's longer than I had planned and got home too late to run. Tomorrow I'm running during Amelia's nap!!! That's a promise!

Well, Ed had a hockey game tonight and I totally forgot about it, so I couldn't get to my meeting. :( But, I'll get one in tomorrow or Wednesday. I'm not worried about the results. I'm pretty confident I lost. :)

Didn't run today. Trying to rest my body. But I'll be back to running tomorrow! It's funny how it becomes addicting. I totally love it. lol NEVER, EVER thought I'd love running. :) I dropped Fischer off at school and then Amelia and I headed to the Farmer's market for some fresh fruit and veggies. I'm also hopelessly addicted to their hummus. I buy the biggest container they can measure out! YUM!We also had our inspection on our house today and all went well, so looks like I can officially start boxing up things! If I can make it through the next month, I think I can make it through anything. Moving sucks, but it's going to be worth it.

Here's my daily tracker:

Breakfast:
Weight Control Oatmeal: 2 pts

Lunch:
1/2 cup hummus: 2 pts
Crackers: 4pts
1 cup raspberries: 1 pts

Snack:
Grande SF, NF iced vanilla latte: 4pts
1/2 banana: 1 pts

Dinner:
Flatbread pizza: 2 pts
hummus: 2 pts
Crackers: 4 pts

Total: 22 pts

Finished my second 5K in 29:01!!!!!! It was a nice run. There was one subtle hill that seemed to go on and on, but I conquered it. I ran the whole time, no walk breaks! :)

I've been busy, but strictly OP the last few days. I've already started sketching out my tattoo that I'm getting when I reach goal! I'm so excited about it. I'll post pics when I actually get it. In the mean time I'll hold you all in suspense.

Today's agenda includes showering (LOL) and a visit to my in laws which will be nice and relaxing. The kids love their "Noni" and "Pops."

I'll post a race pic when they're uploaded!

Have a good Sunday!

139.8 lbs!!!!! That's what my scale said this morning. Granted, I had to get buck naked to get that reading, but still!!!! I cannot believe it! I haven't been in the 130s since HS.

I'm back to my old self! I've been devouted to staying OP the last few days and it's paid off. I've lost a lot of the water I retained from my lack of water drinking and my binge week. :) I've been running everyday and I'm feeling like I have a new "wave" of motivation. It's great.

And....I have a race this Sunday! My goal is to come in under 30:00. :)

Ok, as requested, I'm going to get dressed up here soon and update the blog with a pic. :)

I love her

This explains a lot.... (Guys, tmi- don't read)

So, time has been flying by and I was surprised by my monthly friend this morning. My first thought was: "Oh no! It's only been, like 2 weeks or something. This is weird..." Then I got my calendar out and realized it's been a month and I'm right on time! LOL So, at least the last week of wanting to eat my way to China may have had some sort of hormonal reasoning behind it. NOT that I'm making excuses! :)

Just wanted to share because I always want to share a bit more than I should. :)

And I'm up 3.8 lbs! I think the last 2 weeks came back with avengance tonight at weigh in. But, like I said in my last post, I'm choosing to forgive myself for the gain and move forward.

On the upside- I ran 6 miles today! I took my pug on my normal 3 mile run to a coffee shop and back and I dropped her off (she was having a hard time keeping up LOL) and just repeated it! It was nice. I have a 5k this Saturday. This is the 5k I registerd for 3 months ago when I set out to start running. Two friends are running it with me. It should be fun and FLAT! lol

Well here is my daily tracker:

Breakfast:
Weight Control Oatmeal: 2 pts
1/2 banana: 1pt

Lunch:
Lean pocket: 6 pts
Baby carrots: 0pts

Snack:
WW muffin: 3 pts

Early dinner:(I was hungry- from the run I think)
2 ff hot dogs: 2 pts
2 lite hot dog buns: 2 pts

Real Dinner:
Willy's Salad: 9pts

Dessert:
Ff, sf chocolate pudding: 1 pt

Total used: 26 pts
Ap's earned: 4 pts
Flex used: 0 pts!!!

I've been a bad, bad girl. I have 100% regressed into my old frame of mind. I felt myself slipping the last few weeks and now I sit here in "post stuff " state I feel yucky. Yesterday I had a very stressful day of cleaning and showing my house and then having to find something to do with the kids to keep them out of the house. I got the car and just fell into this "I need a fix" state. I drove straight to Dunkin Donuts and ate 2 chocolate glazed donuts. Then last night after I had been in bed for a while watching TV, I got up and ate a muffin. I wasn't even hungry and I was about to go to sleep. THEN, I started today well and then it slowly spun out of control. We had a family get together that involved 2 kinds of cake. Enough said. Tonight I came home and told Ed I wanted to be bad and get something really "bad" to get it out of my system. He complied and we got take out from this place nearby. I got a buffalo chicken sandwich with sweet potato fries, with blue cheese. Oh, and a coke. A REAL coke. I inhaled it like a drug addict would. It was good, but wasn't as good as I thought it would be. It never is...

Ironically my 12 week food tracking diary ended today. I start a new booklet tomorrow. Timing is everything. I preach and preach about having no more excuses and prioritizing staying OP throughout any and all life events, changes, etc. I think I let the stress of all this house selling/buying get in the way of goal. No more. I have not come this far to give in. I'm not a victum. I'm not going to be full of excuses of why I can't get to goal. I gave that up last June when I first joined and started this blog. I'm so happy with myself as I am. For the first time in years I feel comfortable in my own skin. I feel strong. I feel beautiful. I feel complete. Content. The last thing I want is to go back to where I was.

Good news is that I didn't get fat eating like this just one day. I got fat eating crappy every day for weeks, months and years on end. So, I'm choosing to stop this train now, instead of later. I'm choosing to let a day of healthy eating follow another day of healhty eating and so on.

I have 5 lbs to lose. I started this out with 50 lbs to lose. I must focus on how far I've come and move forward. It's not about perfection, it's about progress.

Tomorrow is Monday. I have weigh in. I'm choosing to face the music and except whatever the outcome is. I'm so proud of how far I've come. I'm forgiving myself for the last few weeks. I'm excited about getting to goal. It's closer than ever.

Thanks to all of you who lurk on my blog and also those that make yourself known to me via email or comments. Knowing you all are "here" helps keep me on my path.

Here's to picking yourself up and moving forward! Cheers!